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  1. #1
    "Everything in its place" fill's Avatar
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    Default -NTP, You Offer Advice...

    Ever felt you could be nice by tapping into your Fe and offering advice by asking a friend what's wrong? I have; I only do it when I feel comfortable with sharing such words with a person,
    but I'm almost insulted when I'm turned down with a vague answer like, "nothing" or "I don't know" or "just... a lot of things." Sure, they don't want to talk about it- but why not just say that? It puts me at square one with someone immediately. To me it's as if they're saying, "I don't want your advice, just your pity," which I'm not really willing to give.

    p.s. - this semi-rant is directed at an infp.
    "Poor bastard. Wait 'till he sees the bats. "
    enneagram - 7/5/3

  2. #2
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    I think its important to be yourself one day and be able to trust in the one you created. If you have that, it will not bug you no more when someone turns down an idea of yours.

    There is no brilliant recipe to do that, my way to achieve it was: to not give a fuck no more:

    [YOUTUBE="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6wS5xOZ7Rq8&feature=fvw"].[/YOUTUBE]
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

  3. #3
    "Everything in its place" fill's Avatar
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    haha, one of my favorites of his videos. I think it comes more with me forcing myself to do something in the prospect of actually helping someone instead of just staying quiet- doesn't work I guess. I'll go back to sitting by myself in my room blueprinting the future.

    And I will take your advice. "Life has become immeasurably better since I have been forced to stop taking it seriously." - Hunter S. Thompson
    "Poor bastard. Wait 'till he sees the bats. "
    enneagram - 7/5/3

  4. #4
    Senior Member Cypocalypse's Avatar
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    An INTPs discretion towards helping others can be discerning, especially if the other person's troubles aint that much of a big deal to begin with (pretty much like how an ESFP tells her problems).

  5. #5
    Is Willard in Footloose!! CJ99's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fill View Post
    Ever felt you could be nice by tapping into your Fe and offering advice by asking a friend what's wrong? I have; I only do it when I feel comfortable with sharing such words with a person,
    but I'm almost insulted when I'm turned down with a vague answer like, "nothing" or "I don't know" or "just... a lot of things." Sure, they don't want to talk about it- but why not just say that? It puts me at square one with someone immediately. To me it's as if they're saying, "I don't want your advice, just your pity," which I'm not really willing to give.

    p.s. - this semi-rant is directed at an infp.
    I thought most of those answers would be understood by an NT a group famous for ot being able to really grasp there emotions!
    "I'd never die for my beliefs, I might be wrong"

    "Is it not enough to see that a garden is beautiful without having to believe there are fairys at the bottom of it too"

    "Intelligence is being able to hold too opposing views in the mind at the one time without going crazy" - Now all I need to figure out is if I'm intelligent or crazy!

  6. #6

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    Quote Originally Posted by fill View Post
    Ever felt you could be nice by tapping into your Fe and offering advice...?
    I might be wrong, but I believe that Fe has very little to do with problem-solving. Offering advice is quite a Te trait, isn't it?

    Quote Originally Posted by fill View Post
    To me it's as if they're saying, "I don't want your advice, just your pity," which I'm not really willing to give.
    That IS what they're saying. If you're not willing to give it, then don't. As an NT, I think of advice-free pity as an investment in a relationship (be it with a friend, colleague, boss or in a romantic context). You give them what they want now, and they'll likely reciprocate the favour. I don't have a particularly large capacity for advice-free pity though, so I tend to save it for the circumstances in which it can have the strongest effect.

    I have little to no pity for anybody who keeps asking for it without showing any signs of making any serious effort to solve their problems though. As a general rule, you have my pity if you got screwed up because of unforeseeable circumstances, but very little if you do it to yourself. I might yield if it were a one-off incident, but not if you regularly screw things up for yourself and expect nothing but pity. The only exception is when I think that it is personally beneficial for me to just play along, or rather, detrimental for me not to.

    This does not apply to relationships in which I have a vested interest in the long-term well-being of the other person. In that circumstance, I've grown to believe that it's better to be frank and honest from the beginning so as to avoid creating a situation where the other party comes to expect something from you which you are generally not capable of providing- a recipe for disaster if I ever saw one.

  7. #7
    Ghost Monkey Soul Vizconde's Avatar
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    In general I don't like to give unsolicited advice. When I do I make it a point to manipulate the words of a conversation in such a way that they end up asking me to give them advice. With after a bit of convincing from them I eventually do.

    There are still a few who wish to be hard or smart asses. Thats fine to because when this becomes clear I don't want to help them anymore anyways.
    I redact everything I have written or will write on this forum prior to, subsequent with and or after the fact of its writing. For entertainment purposes only and not to be taken seriously nor literally.

    Quote Originally Posted by Edgar View Post
    Spamtar - a strange combination of boorish drunkeness and erudite discussions, or what I call "an Irish academic"

  8. #8
    Geolectric teslashock's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fill View Post
    Ever felt you could be nice by tapping into your Fe and offering advice by asking a friend what's wrong? I have; I only do it when I feel comfortable with sharing such words with a person,
    but I'm almost insulted when I'm turned down...
    Your Fe gives you the compassion to ask somebody what's wrong, but you should also expand your Fe to know when to ask and to whom to ask it.

    You can't exactly take it personally if somebody doesn't want to confide in you with their problems. That's arrogant and victimizing. It may take a lot of effort for you to ask somebody what's wrong, but the people to whom you ask it don't know this. You can't expect them to feel honored just because you show a little compassion.

    ...with a vague answer like, "nothing" or "I don't know" or "just... a lot of things." Sure, they don't want to talk about it- but why not just say that?
    You should realize that "nothing" and "I don't know" are indirect ways of saying "I don't want to talk about it." Not everybody is as straightforward and blunt as NTPs, and not everybody wants to be. You find it annoying that others are subtle, but did you ever stop to think that those who are subtle find it annoying that you value blunt, direct communication?

    To me it's as if they're saying, "I don't want your advice, just your pity," which I'm not really willing to give.

    And when people are upset, sometimes they do just want a confidante that will receive and absorb their emotions. They don't always want advice and input, but just someone to know that they are down. Some times it's more helpful to be a sponge than a ping-pong paddle.
    I know as NTP you want to analyze a situation and offer critique, but that's not always what people want to hear, and you can't force them to want to hear it. Something to keep in mind...

  9. #9
    Senior Member avolkiteshvara's Avatar
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    Here it is:


  10. #10
    Ghost Monkey Soul Vizconde's Avatar
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    For some reason that version of Jesus scares me. He looks like he wants to make me his bitch. :horor:
    I redact everything I have written or will write on this forum prior to, subsequent with and or after the fact of its writing. For entertainment purposes only and not to be taken seriously nor literally.

    Quote Originally Posted by Edgar View Post
    Spamtar - a strange combination of boorish drunkeness and erudite discussions, or what I call "an Irish academic"

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