[ENTP] ENTPs, a little advice in the relationship department, please?

[1487610420]

Take a look in the mirror and don't lie to yourself about what is it you seek. I also suggest taking the mirror to him and doing this together, if aplicable. From there just continue being genuine, life is short and mistakes make you learn. This isn't a drill.

 

[HotpinkHeatwave]

I think he really likes me. Well, he told me so, haha. The only thing I REALLY dislike is how much he gets in trouble. Is this common for young ENTPs? He does pretty bad things.

 

[jenocyde]

There was also an instance where him and I were supposed to hang out, but his truck wouldn't start, and he apologized repeatedly.. And also told me he would make it up to me. Buuut, I'm still really unsure. ENTPs are SO HARD for me to read! I'm usually very very very good at reading people.. but ugh.

Ugh is right. Stop trying to "read" people based on what you think they mean, and just ask him what he means. Be direct.

And a long rambling apology may not mean anything other than he's giving you what he thinks *you* want. See the danger in that?

"If he says he thinks he is 'falling for me', how should I take that? Should I take that with a grain of salt, or recognize that as great potential?"

He said to you he thinks he is falling for you?!? Just like I said to my ESTJ!
You've got further than I thought. The correct response to this is:
"Let's try it out!" (Just like he said to me)
There is potential. Surely.

Seems like we have an M.O. - that's exactly what I said to my INTP. That I think I might be falling for him. And I sure as hell meant it. And "let's try it" out was essentially what my INTP said back to me (once I cut through all his extraneous words ).

Don't make jokes in a situation like that. Seriously, don't.

As a matter of fact, listen to everything Proximo says, especially the bolded:

Not too sure about the "mirror his seriousness level" style advice... I know for myself, about the only way I can face expressing serious emotions is through the medium of humour...

Edit - In fact, if he's expressing emotions at all through humour, then I'd say if it's done sarcastically, he doesn't mean them. If it's not, then he probably does.


Not too sure about this, either... if he's innocent and genuine, he'll find it irritating. Plus, I've noticed that when ENFP's try to do the "true words said in jest" thing, it often comes off as confrontational, however "jokey" they try to seem... I think possibly because the difference is kinda between "I could be bothered about this, but I'm truly not, so I'm joking about it to let you know I could be, and might be if you do it again or worse in future", and "I am bothered about this, but I'm pretending not to be by joking about it". The first I usually pick up on as fair warning, and I'm cool with it. The second puts my back right up, and gets me in a panic cos I feel sure that this is about to become some tedious head game...

The difference in intention tends to usually be pretty obvious, and if you can't pull it off so it comes over as the first of those, or if you do mean the second but are going for the first, then it's likely to have your ENTP jotting you down as a possibly neurotic head-gamer, and he'll bolt.

Very well said.

 

[jenocyde]

I think he really likes me. Well, he told me so, haha. The only thing I REALLY dislike is how much he gets in trouble. Is this common for young ENTPs? He does pretty bad things.

Depends on what you think is "bad", but generally, the answer is yes.

 

[HotpinkHeatwave]

Well, bad as in, he skips school, misses school, talks back to teachers, drinks, etc. I mean, I'm guilty of the above too.. But not as much as he. He has a very 'I don't give a shit' attitude. Not good.

 

[jenocyde]

I think that is pretty much normal. I'm sure that he gives a shit about things that matter to him, though.

 

[Fluffywolf]

I think that is pretty much normal. I'm sure that he gives a shit about things that matter to him, though.

Word. Thing with young ones is, they don't really know what matters to them. Or what should matter to them.

As long as they're intelligent enough to bridge the gap between skipping but failing school and skipping but finishing school, I wouldn't be too worried..

 

[fill]

Well, bad as in, he skips school, misses school, talks back to teachers, drinks, etc. I mean, I'm guilty of the above too.. But not as much as he. He has a very 'I don't give a shit' attitude. Not good.

Guilty. But I skip(ped) school for the same reason I did so well in class: shit's easy.

 

[tedboles]

I tend to like it when the ladies initiate things with me, both mentally and physically. I do not know if that has as much to do with my type as it does with my general laziness towards finding relationships.

That is not to say I have an aversion towards starting things. I just generally don't feel like it.

Though, I think making us react to spontaneous action is something that most of us enjoy on some level.

 

[onemoretime]

Well, bad as in, he skips school, misses school, talks back to teachers, drinks, etc. I mean, I'm guilty of the above too.. But not as much as he. He has a very 'I don't give a shit' attitude. Not good.

People eventually grow up and find out what they do give a shit about. Teachers usually don't know what the hell they're talking about anyway.

What environment are we talking about here (city, country, suburb)?

 

[Grace]

Well, bad as in, he skips school, misses school, talks back to teachers, drinks, etc. I mean, I'm guilty of the above too.. But not as much as he. He has a very 'I don't give a shit' attitude. Not good.

He will probably grow out of that slightly but with ENTPs, in my experience with them, they always have a sort of anti-authority, don't give a f*ck attitude (although they really do when it comes to important things). If you ever become an important thing in the ENTP's life then you don't have to worry about this, because although ENTPs might seem like they lack morals, their moral code is intact when it comes to people they care about deeply. Once again, this is in my own experience, obviously. So, to sum up, although an ENTP might treat teachers and school obligations like shit, they will not treat the people they love this way.

 

[Grace]

As long as they're intelligent enough to bridge the gap between skipping but failing school and skipping but finishing school, I wouldn't be too worried..

Yeah, usually ENTPs are smart just not very motivated/driven in the way that the majority of people are. Don't date/marry an ENTP if you want a sugar daddy or anything like that (not trying to imply that you do), because ENTPs don't often do well in our SJ school and work system. They are, if I remember correctly, the type who has an income, overall, second lowest. It's definitely in the bottom three but can't remember the specifics.

 

[jenocyde]

Yeah, usually ENTPs are smart just not very motivated/driven in the way that the majority of people are. Don't date/marry an ENTP if you want a sugar daddy or anything like that (not trying to imply that you do), because ENTPs don't often do well in our SJ school and work system. They are, if I remember correctly, the type who has an income, overall, second lowest. It's definitely in the bottom three but can't remember the specifics.

Um, don't know about that:

ENTP

• In national sample "Leisure Activities," overrepresented in "Taking classes, going to school," "Writing," "Playing sports," "Playing with computers or video games"
• Underrepresented in "Watching TV 3 or more hours per day."
• Academic subjects preferred: art, science.
• 1 of 2 types most frequent among college alcohol policy violators.
• In national sample, highest of all types in liking work environment characteristics "Independence & achievement" and "Opportunities for advancement & high pay, but not job security" and including "Variety of tasks" and "Clear structure" among top 3 characteristics
• 1 of top 3 types liking "International opportunities" as a characteristic.
• Most important feature on an ideal job: creativity and originality.
• In national sample, dissatisfied with "Promotions," "Opportunities to use talents," and "Salary" in their work.
• In national sample, among those types most dissatisfied with their work and among those with the highest income.
• With ENFPs, had highest mean level of coping resources.
• Overrepresented among those having Type A behavior.
• In national sample, highest in coping with stress by "Confronting the problem."
• In national sample, ranked lowest in "Ever had heart disease/hypertension."

ENTP Personality Type

 

[pockets]

I've seen those stats before.
On a side note, ischemic heart disease and hypertension are linked to Type A behavior, but ENTPs are simultaneously overrepresented among Type As, and lowest in prevalence of prior heart disease/hypertension. This computes not. Probably still possible though.

 

[Grace]

Hmm, I don't know where I found my list of income levels. I just searched online a little bit and couldn't find it so maybe it was not a reliable source? I'll keep looking and if I find where I got that from, I will post it.

 

[EcK]

1 of 2 types most frequent among college alcohol policy violators.

yup, with intps.

 

[Samvega]

Don't be stupid girl! Why in the would would you wanna buy a bucking bronco when you can get a horse to ride that doesn't need to be broken. Dating a 20 year old ENTP will be just like riding a bucking bronco and even if you can stay on for a long time it won't be a comfortable ride after the first fun few months are over.

Go for an INTJ, you can't know this yet because they don't seem fun to you at first but they're a better balance for you and you can bring them out of their shell, you would be shocked at how fun they are once you know them well.

I would stay clear of a young ENTP until he's done doing damage (unknowingly) to himself and the people around him and that's gonna be awhile still.

 

[HotpinkHeatwave]

He will probably grow out of that slightly but with ENTPs, in my experience with them, they always have a sort of anti-authority, don't give a f*ck attitude (although they really do when it comes to important things). If you ever become an important thing in the ENTP's life then you don't have to worry about this, because although ENTPs might seem like they lack morals, their moral code is intact when it comes to people they care about deeply. Once again, this is in my own experience, obviously. So, to sum up, although an ENTP might treat teachers and school obligations like shit, they will not treat the people they love this way.

Aww. Well that is good to know. He does treat me with respect, but does not always watch himself. He'll make little remarks (Ex: 'why do you always ditch me?') that go right to the heart, but I try not to let it bother me. He REALLY dislikes when I authoritize, though. Every time I tell him what to do (which is usually GOOD, responsible advice) he shoots back with 'I do what I want'. I feel like just laying down the law sometimes, but I don't want to offend him and push him away. It's hard.

 

[onemoretime]

Aww. Well that is good to know. He does treat me with respect, but does not always watch himself. He'll make little remarks (Ex: 'why do you always ditch me?') that go right to the heart, but I try not to let it bother me. He REALLY dislikes when I authoritize, though. Every time I tell him what to do (which is usually GOOD, responsible advice) he shoots back with 'I do what I want'. I feel like just laying down the law sometimes, but I don't want to offend him and push him away. It's hard.

Horrible, horrible, horrible idea. Why do you think you're entitled to have him do what you want without convincing him of the good sense of it? Not only that, why do you think you have the right to impose something upon him, instead of asking it of him? In other words, who the hell do you think you are?

This is pretty much our strongest manifestation of Fe. It doesn't play well with Te, as you've noticed. You'll just have to deal with it, because he's not changing on that one.

 

[Qre:us]

Aww. Well that is good to know. He does treat me with respect, but does not always watch himself. He'll make little remarks (Ex: 'why do you always ditch me?') that go right to the heart, but I try not to let it bother me. He REALLY dislikes when I authoritize, though. Every time I tell him what to do (which is usually GOOD, responsible advice) he shoots back with 'I do what I want'. I feel like just laying down the law sometimes, but I don't want to offend him and push him away. It's hard.

The bolded, this is the nail in the coffin if you want to end the interaction with an ENTP.

If he's nice, he will tell you to kindly fuck off. If he's not so nice, he will figure out a way to do exactly what you don't want such that it negatively hinders you....just to stick it to you. (he's young, thus, these possibilities are likely)

Do not try to control the ENTP. And, never, ever, ever, tell them what to do, unless it has a logical basis; in which case, you explain what can be done, and why (choice is important to them).

They do not take sleights to personal autonomy very well, those ENTPs.