I've spent the last 10 weeks doing on average 12-hour workdays at least 6 days a week, combined from intense studying and paid work.
My goal was clear. To finish my school. First to do two month's paid work in one month, then to do a year's worth of writing in one month. I was concentrated, the task was clear - neglect most of the content in life, neglect everything - concentrate on the work.
Now it's over and I feel a bit depressed. It's been two days now. I barely even feel the importance of anything, but I vaguely desire some kind of fulfillment, feeling, perhaps art, connection or something like that.
I could continue working on another goal, which I have already set. Getting a good job over the one I just quit. I don't have much time before I'm out of money, so I better start right away.
I'm just wondering, at what time will I be able to find what's meaningful and important? I've had it at a time, but not for a while.. but it'll come there.
Perhaps I'm depressed because of having neglected most of everything except Te. Well, I got the job done, so I was bloody damned effective. Now that I'd wish everything to do with friends, arts, joy of life, carefree life, everything I've enjoyed before.. I realize that I haven't taken a good care of any of that in the past two months or more. Perhaps even 4 months.
I guess these meaning-of-life -kind of things need steady maintenance, or else they break and need to be repaired.