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  1. #1
    You're fired. Lol. Antimony's Avatar
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    Default Meh, I need you INTJs and your...help

    I don't like asking for help. I don't really like openly asking for advice.

    Alas, measures call for it.


    INTJs, how the hell do you get motivated?

    My INTJ emotional attachment has made a very stupid decision of late, all because he did not want to write a ballad. He has absolutely no academic motivation, and I don't want him to screw up his life. It endangers his seeing me, and I, being selfish, don't want that. I want to be able to see him. I get to see him maybe...once every two weeks. He has lied to me on several occasions, and this time has lied by omission. I don't like being lied to (who does?)

    I just can't figure out what to do. I don't want to lecture him on how irrational this is (I hate lectures. I hate being lectured). But I want this out, if not for his sake, then for my own selfish desires.

    p.s. I can't let him self destruct while I sit back and watch.
    Excuse me, but does this smell like chloroform to you?

    Always reserve the right to become smarter at a future point in time, for only a fool limits themselves to all they knew in the past. -Alex

  2. #2
    Senior Member SecantSquared's Avatar
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    you's a meanie. and for the record, i am completely objective.
    When they discover the center of the universe, a lot of people will be disappointed to discover they are not it.
    - Bernard Bailey
    It is bad luck to be superstitious.
    - Andrew W. Mathis

    sp/sx/so

  3. #3
    You're fired. Lol. Antimony's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SecantSquared View Post
    you's a meanie.
    Says the emotional attachment of mine^^^
    Excuse me, but does this smell like chloroform to you?

    Always reserve the right to become smarter at a future point in time, for only a fool limits themselves to all they knew in the past. -Alex

  4. #4
    Listening Oaky's Avatar
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    He is unmotivated because he is uninterested. If I am interested in something I will do well in it. If I am not interested in something I don't really care about it unless my future is strongly affected. I suggest you make him curious. It is easy to make us curious. Say something like "You... nevermind". We will want to know what you were going to say. Pretend you have a secret you know about him and he will comply to your needs a bit easier in order to gain the info about him you are hiding.

  5. #5
    You're fired. Lol. Antimony's Avatar
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    I need to motivate him to do his damn school work. And his future will be strongly affected, more than likely. He is a senior now in high school, and I say it matters I guess.

    And sometimes it is hard to figure out if he is hiding something from me, when I don't know what to ask in the first place because he hides it completely.
    Excuse me, but does this smell like chloroform to you?

    Always reserve the right to become smarter at a future point in time, for only a fool limits themselves to all they knew in the past. -Alex

  6. #6
    Senior Member Bri's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Antimony View Post
    I need to motivate him to do his damn school work.
    (I know this is a bit old, so you can ignore this if you've already solved this.)

    Why? Why do you need to motivate him to do his school work?

    Have you ever been in a position where, while you know you should do something, the fact that someone else is trying to make you do it makes you stubbornly avoid it?

    My college roommate used to try and mother me about school stuff. She'd ask if I had done my homework yet, remind me of tests that were coming up, etc. I found it really invasive! Why were my study habits any of her business? She gave me a harder time than my own parents, so it was really weird! I eventually had to be direct and just say "Stop! Don't push your expectations on me! I need to do it my way, not your way." There was a lot less stress in our dorm room after that.

  7. #7
    triple nerd score poppy's Avatar
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    Wuhlp, what were his grades like for the previous couple years? As a senior I did next to nothing...but I managed to pull B's and C's. There was really nothing that could have motivated me to try harder. Anyway I was just going to state school and I did well enough on the SAT that I knew I'd have no problem getting in.

    My advice: If he doesn't have any plans to go to Stanford or Harvard or what have you, let him be a slacker.
    "There's no need to be embarrassed about it, Mr. Spock. It happens to the birds and the bees!"

  8. #8
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    Antimony, you are doing it all wrong.

    Remove the expectation... relax to perform.

    INTJs dont really need told what to do, but when you harp on we do dig our heels in (just because) you just need to soothe us and we do the rest.

  9. #9
    Administrator highlander's Avatar
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    You can provide ideas and point of view. You can compliment and support. You can inspire by letting them know the benefits that will accrue to them and have them think about things they haven't considered. You can provide evidence to support your point of view. You can smile and encourage. You can tell them how much you love them. All these are welcomed.

    But you can never, ever, make an INTJ do something they don't want to do. If you nag in a critical way, you will be unsuccessful.

    The best person to ask this question of is an ENFP.

  10. #10
    You're fired. Lol. Antimony's Avatar
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    ^ Yeah, I was just pretty pissed when I found out he skipped school for two weeks to avoid this project. It is better now, he is doing work, all that stuff. I know that my place is not to nag, and I am really no good at doing it. I just let him know I love him. I play up the fun side. No problems.

    Bri: no way do I nag him. I ask him. I hate nagging. Biggest pet peeve. My main issue was the lying I guess, because I figured if he would just do his work, he wouldn't need to lie. But no, I don't push any expectations on him for his work. Now I am even more slack. I kind of let him do his own thing. I remind him of nothing, and never have. No way did I want to be pushing. That is a horrible idea.

    Poppy: I am doing that, now.

    InvisibleJim: my only expectation is to not be lied to. I have always pretty much played relaxer for him. The guy gets kinda uptight sometimes. I don't want people to think I nagged him. That is idiotic.
    Excuse me, but does this smell like chloroform to you?

    Always reserve the right to become smarter at a future point in time, for only a fool limits themselves to all they knew in the past. -Alex

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