[NT] INTs how often do you "run away" from socializing ?

[Virtual ghost]

I am curious how other INTs behave when they don't want to hang out with people but they "have too" .


When I was younger I had a tendency to just leave when people start to have fun. Often even without saying "goodbye" to anyone.
I simply vanshed, so often people were thinking that something happened to me when they realized I am no longer around.


Even today I can do something similar to this and people think it is wierd.
It is nothing personal it is just that I am really bored in most of those situations.



Comments ?

 

[Bay]

daily

 

[Totenkindly]

I used to sneak off and never developed the skill of the "open extraction" until my 30's, as a social courtesy.

Usually people would go to talk to me, then wonder why I had disappeared.

 

[Virtual ghost]

I used to sneak off and never developed the skill of the "open extraction" until my 30's, as a social courtesy.

Usually people would go to talk to me, then wonder why I had disappeared.

.... and why did you disappeared ?

 

[Orangey]

Oh I do this all the time. For instance, my professor was having a party a while back, and I showed up for courtesy, but after about a half-hour of having to mingle and talk about nonsense, I just sort of edged my way to the door and slipped out, unnoticed and unannounced. I do it sometimes in class as well.

 

[MonkeyGrass]

During family gatherings, my intj hides upstairs under the covers of a guestroom bed like a cat.

 

[SecantSquared]

During family gatherings, my intj hides upstairs under the covers of a guestroom bed like a cat.

sounds like me...except...i'm always with my computer.

 

[Totenkindly]

.... and why did you disappeared ?

lots of different reasons, I guess:

• I felt ignored/invisible, which hurt.
• I'd quickly get exhausted from socializing and have to go recharge.
• I'd feel anxiety because I was afraid of doing/saying the wrong thing and making someone mad or myself look stupid.
• I'd get bored and not be interested in the current discussions.
• I didn't like the people who were there.
• I was already depressed about stuff in my life and just didn't really want to be around people but had been forced to go.
• I had other things on my mind that I couldn't stop thinking about (a project of some sort, usually).

Stuff like that.

 

[DiscoBiscuit]

I would always leave the dinner table early when I was younger to go up in my room and think. (or watch TV in another room)

 

[Oaky]

I try avoid any type of gatherings. I never invite people to my place. If someone I know is walking towards my direction and I'm moving towards theirs I change my direction to avoid the possibility that that person would talk to me. When I'm invited to any outings I make excuses not to go.

 

[SecantSquared]

meh. i guess that if i had my way, i'd probably never interact with people, except when i am being taught how to do something.

 

[FigerPuppet]

I don't run away - I make the others shut up and sit still.

 

[MyIsland]

Typically I try not to run away, but at times its hard to do. College has been wonderful for me because I've had complete control of my schedule. When I am faced with a undesired social situation I usually pace around then pull out the phone and start messing with it when I tell them I'm spitting. I hate the stupid phone, but its always in my hand and I just hit buttons and when I leave its usually displaying weather or the market recap, and I still wonder why I'm boring...

 

[INTPness]

I escape when there is a lot of socializing going on and where there is going to be some amount of focusing on me. If I know that I'm going to have to answer questions like, "what do you do?", "what have you been up to?", etc., it's just not fun at all. It's the opposite of fun.

Examples:
-Family reunions with 10-30 family members that I really don't know well but I'll have to go through a never-ending line of questions about myself and my life.
-The first day of a new class. When in college, I thoroughly enjoyed the first night of a new class because I was excited about the things I'd be learning in the class. But, the introductions where you have to stand up and tell 3 things about yourself were brutal. I'd be "preparing my speech" in my head instead of listening to others.
-Meeting an acquaintance out in public. Most INxx's probably cringe when they're filling up their gas tank or in the grocery store and they hear some loud voice say their name.

Why do I escape?
-Having to engage them in conversation, pulls me (and keeps me) out of Ti (not a good reason, but still the truth because Ti is a very "comfortable" place for me). Sometimes, if I'm really deep in thought, it can even be startling to have someone call out my name in public.
-In the case of the family reunion and the class introductions, it feels very much like we are just "going through the motions". It feels like an interrogation and a formality that tomorrow is going to make absolutely no difference to either party. I guess what makes it worse is the fact that I feel misunderstood and perhaps judged. I have one family member that always "escapes" these situations - leaves early, goes into another room, etc. and everyone else (the so-called "normal ones") - talks about him like he's a lame duck and an idiot. But, I'm just like him. I like him the most of them all. I do think he should try more (as should I), but I get him. And I hear what they say about him and it's horrible. I've also heard him (and other friends) who are "deep people" who get judged and talked about left and right when they express their true selves openly and honestly. So, it closes me up. As it is, it takes a lot of my energy to open up to people - so why do it if they're just going to talk about you or say how strange you are later the next day?

If I know you aren't judgmental, I'll open up. If you're judgmental, you're not going to know the "inner me". I'm just not going to show it to you.

 

[paperoceans]

I do this at least several times a week. When I see someone that I know, I usually walk in the other direction. If I'm forced to go somewhere, I usually talk to one or two people and eventually disappear... only if I'm able to. Sometimes I hate being stuck somewhere without the possibility of disappearing.

 

[forzen]

I don't run, they just never come. A semester of college and i haven't met anyone yet. I'm fairly new in Texas so i don't know anyone either so i'm screw.

 

[sofmarhof]

Oh yes, all the time. My roommates always have parties, and it'll be like 20 people, all of whom I like and would be glad to hang out with in smaller groups, but all at once it's just too many and I want them all to go away. So usually I hide in my room.

 

[Matthew_Z]

My father always criticized my great uncle for "running away" behavior. Also a characteristic of almost any male on my father's side of the family. Naturally, trying to learn from their mistakes (their mistake I identified to be their apparent inconsistency in dealing with situations of socializing)I avoid running away almost as a rule. I'll either avoid coming out of my element without adequate preparation OR simply take the social situation until it's gone.

It's generally consistent with many of my behaviors. I've never wanted to end up like my father, especially when it comes to social interaction. He handles his high anxiety with prescription anti-depressants and the like. I find myself more than capable of handling my neural chemical balance without the need for assistance from medication. Avoiding stressful (fight-or-flight) situations is preferred, fight is taken when avoidance cannot(or, perhaps should not), and flight is always preferred against. Admittedly, I've picked up his habit of leaving an area the moment an (social) event is over, but I justify keeping the behavior because efficiency is nice and there's not too much of a reason to be stuck.

 

[Grungemouse]

When I see someone that I know, I usually walk in the other direction.

Haha, I did something like that just last week. I was on my way back from shopping, and I spotted one of my classmate/acquaintances seated on a bench, in the middle of the highstreet. So I meandered my way behind the bench and walked past her, because she always stops for a chat. My earphones were plugged in, plus I never like standing around in public and chatting. I decided it wasn't worth the bother.

I don't usually "run away", though. I find out where everyone else is and ensure to avoid those specific locations unless I need to contact them. In which case I'd probably email them.

 

[Kenneth Almighty]

Sometimes I do this, sometimes I don't.

Honestly, it depends on the context of the company. It's not really an uncomfortable thing to be around with people, it's just that once I've gone through the introductory basics and showmanship it feels like the possibilities have been exhausted. At clubs, I'm usually the first one in but the first one out. Going against the flow feels like an impulse, but not necessarily catalyzing one and sticking with it

The dinner parties that my parents throw are amazing, because it's not only the food that keeps me anchored, but the people my Dad invites. They're great to get involved with because most of them are just like me or work with people just like me.

I make a pants off incredible host though