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[MBTI General] Stalky ENFP

proximo

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I posted this in the other thread, but I thought I'd make a separate thread to ask for feedback from y'all on it, so as not to derail the other thread.

*but sometimes it can get a little stalky.

One ENFP I knew who was incredibly needy, and who ditched me very unequivocally as a friend ("fuck off, I never want anything to do with you again!" were her words) several months ago, because I found myself unable to share all my inmost thoughts with her after having known her for a whole six weeks, used to use Facebook to gain leverage/presence in my life. After she ditched me (at which I was, frankly, relieved), she blocked me from her Facebook, and not long afterwards I deleted my account for totally separate reasons (family plots and feuds, just had enough of them).

Just last night I created a brand new account, using my middle name and putting all my profile in French. I began to add some of my friends from the previous account. I had one friend in common with her, and by this morning I got an FB message from her saying "I just wondered if you knew this person, it seems a bit of a coincidence that you have the same surname and write in French, and he knew French, and you have all the same friends as me".

Now, why would she do that? Doesn't that seem crazy/neurotic/stalky? Why would she care to check up when she'd declared herself that she wanted no more dealings with me? Why would she say "all the same friends" when there's only one in common? What was she planning to do if I had replied "yes, it's me, I'm the same person"???

What do you think I should do? Block her? Reply? If so, what would you say? Or just completely ignore it?
 

nomadic

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completely ignore it

part of her prolly feels bad for whatever happened.

but i'd cast doubt on whether it was sincerely feeling bad or just a brief moment. so just ignore, and don't be afraid to post on friend's walls as yourself. if its sincere, she will find other ways to get in contact with you.
 

Thalassa

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She might think you're stalking her, since you went out of your way to put your profile in French and everything. I'm not certain of the conditions of your "friendship" but if she contacted you after months, I wouldn't call it "stalky" maybe just a little neurotic. Maybe she feels guilty for ditching you. Who knows. You didn't provide a lot of details.

I think the mature thing to do is to reply. Then, if she continues to bother you, block her. I think that's fairly straight-forward.
 

nomadic

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no don't reply. :D (btw, most definitely she thinks part of the reason u deleted ur account is bc of her, and if it is, don't let her know. EVER)

if she cares about your guy's friendship, it will drive her nuts and she will try to contact you in another way.

If she doesn't, she will stop. So no loss to you in either situation.

And by all means, live your facebook life as if you never got that message.
 

Thalassa

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no don't reply. :D

if she cares about your guy's friendship, it will drive her nuts and she will try to contact you in another way.

If she doesn't, she will stop. So no loss to you

yeah, that's exactly what I was thinking - it will drive her nuts, and then she will try to contact him some other way

maybe he doesn't want that! so if he doesn't want her "stalking" him, he needs to face this head on
 

nomadic

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well, if she continues "stalking him", at least he knows at that point it is possibly geniune (i give it at least 1-3 months of ignoring) and then at that point, his feelings might change too.

but either way, DONT REPLY! I'd actually think its way too early to ask a forum about this situation, so he obviously does have strong feelings for her. So all in all, best bet is to not reply for now.
 

Thalassa

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well, if she continues "stalking him", at least he knows at that point it is possibly geniune (i give it at least 1-3 months of ignoring) and then at that point, his feelings might change too.

:wacko: :wtf:

Why would he want her to stalk him if he doesn't like her?

If he does like her, why wouldn't he just talk to her?

The scenario you're playing out is immature and silly.
 

nomadic

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haha yeah that too

but girl stalkers can't do as much and have more pride than guy stalkers. (oh no, not this again lol)

but yeah, its too early to call her psycho though. Just ignore IMO.
 

Thalassa

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No, no...I was calling your idea psycho.
 

nomadic

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No, no...I was calling your idea psycho.

Maybe it is. But i still say don't reply.

I can guarantee tho that the OP has strong feelings about this girl. And he's feeling weak to her message at this point.

So for practicality's sake, Ignore and find out if its genuine. Flighty ENFP's need that kind of treatment sometimes.
 

Thalassa

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but girl stalkers can't do as much and have more pride than guy stalkers. (oh no, not this again lol)

I wouldn't be so sure of this either. You have some really distorted perceptions about the differences between men and women. Yeah, I noticed that over in the rape threads.
 

nomadic

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I wouldn't be so sure of this either. You have some really distorted perceptions about the differences between men and women. Yeah, I noticed that over in the rape threads.

yea that thread was traumatizing for some reason. def. more traumatizing than the time i woke up and found.... never mind. :coffee:

most of the ppl in that thread going crazy, some previous relationship stuff was definitely resurfacing. maybe that was it.
 

proximo

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I didn't go "out of my way" to put my profile in French - French is my first language :)

No part whatsoever of my account deleting/creating had anything to do with her. If I just had a problem with her then I'm quite aware that I can block her without having to lose touch with everyone else on there. I deleted it because the option of blocking 23 family members without severe consequences that affect my kids was not feasible.

Details? Well... she's just an incredibly unbalanced person. It would take too long to give all the heaps of experiential evidence I have for that, and it'd also look like I was just slagging her off out of spite, which I don't want to do. I've no desire to get back in touch with her. Having her in my life was a constant nightmare. I don't expect you to take my word for it, but Ivy can back me up cos she was with me through it and even she advised me to dump this person she dubbed an "emotional vampire"! Which, mark you, I didn't do - I kept trying to compromise and reason and understand and support her. SHE was the one who told me to get knotted in an unprovoked (literally, I had been talking about the weather) attack where she declared that I "obviously" didn't really care about her or want her as a friend, citing evidence that I didn't want to spend time with her (that is, on top of the 7 hours I'd already spent with her that week, bearing in mind she lives a 2 hour drive from me, and I pointed out that as a working, homeschooling single parent I don't have time to visit her more than once or twice a week). And as I said, I'd only known her six weeks and she took it personally that I decided to see a therapist about possible depression rather than tell her all my inmost feelings and thoughts and let her "help" me.

If she "feels bad", then she knows my email address, my home address and cellphone and home phone numbers have not changed and she has them all. Why wait 'til someone who's "possibly me" turns up on Facebook and send such a message as that? Why not simply email or text me directly?

So... I guess the choice is "ignore or block". If I block her, I guess that'll give her the answer: she'll know it is me, and it'll also send the clear message. If I simply ignore, she'll go nuts wondering and being paranoid.
 

Thalassa

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yea that thread was traumatizing for some reason. def. more traumatizing than the time i woke up and found.... never mind. :coffee:

most of the ppl in that thread going crazy, some previous relationship stuff was definitely resurfacing. maybe that was it.

It's okay. You're obviously just turned on by the idea of a chick stalking and raping you. That doesn't mean that in reality that would always be pleasant or even marginally acceptable.

Have you ever seen Fatal Attraction?
 

Thalassa

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I didn't go "out of my way" to put my profile in French - French is my first language :)

No part whatsoever of my account deleting/creating had anything to do with her. If I just had a problem with her then I'm quite aware that I can block her without having to lose touch with everyone else on there. I deleted it because the option of blocking 23 family members without severe consequences that affect my kids was not feasible.

Details? Well... she's just an incredibly unbalanced person. It would take too long to give all the heaps of experiential evidence I have for that, and it'd also look like I was just slagging her off out of spite, which I don't want to do. I've no desire to get back in touch with her. Having her in my life was a constant nightmare. I don't expect you to take my word for it, but Ivy can back me up cos she was with me through it and even she advised me to dump this person she dubbed an "emotional vampire"!

If she "feels bad", then she knows my email address, my home address and cellphone and home phone numbers have not changed and she has them all. Why wait 'til someone who's "possibly me" turns up on Facebook and send such a message as that? Why not simply email or text me directly?

So... I guess the choice is "ignore or block". If I block her, I guess that'll give her the answer: she'll know it is me, and it'll also send the clear message. If I simply ignore, she'll go nuts wondering and being paranoid.


The fact that you would want her to go nuts means that you do have some desire for her to be in your life. If you really wanted her gone, you'd just tell her point blank. Game playing smacks of secret infatuation.

So Modern Nomad winz...he was right about you.
 

proximo

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The fact that you would want her to go nuts means that you do have some desire for her to be in your life. If you really wanted her gone, you'd just tell her point blank. Game playing smacks of secret infatuation.

So Modern Nomad winz...he was right about you.

No, I don't want her to go nuts, I just said that those are the options and those are the likely outcomes of each one. I was wondering more whether I could live with the thought that I made her go nuts as a trade off for more guaranteed non-contact in future. Telling this woman "point blank" achieves nothing. She's only willing to stop trying for the last word when SHE dismisses YOU. If YOU tell HER, she just keeps getting back at you until she feels she's had enough, then tells YOU point blank to FOAD.

Believe me, there is absolutely no part of me whatsoever that is "secretly infatuated" with this fruitcake! :ohmy:
 

Thalassa

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No, I don't want her to go nuts, I just said that those are the options and those are the likely outcomes of each one.

Believe me, there is absolutely no part of me whatsoever that is "secretly infatuated" with this fruitcake! :ohmy:

Then be a grown up and tell her to fuck off. :coffee:
 

nomadic

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It's okay. You're obviously just turned on by the idea of a chick stalking and raping you. That doesn't mean that in reality that would always be pleasant or even marginally acceptable.

Have you ever seen Fatal Attraction?

Not that much where I fantasize about it. I actually had to think back to those moments similar things happened and was like " Should I be MAD?". I felt more embarassed for the most part.

Yeah, I saw fatal attraction. "What are you gonna do, arrest me for smoking?"" lolz

i end things well for the most part, where i don't think i have to be scared of that... i think.
 
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