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Thread: Stalky ENFP

  1. #31
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    Quote Originally Posted by proximo View Post
    Um... when did anyone mention a romantic relationship???
    I simply do not see the point of posting all of this on a public forum if the woman really wasn't that important to you. Modern Nomad assumed that you had feelings for her as well.

  2. #32
    Senior Member proximo's Avatar
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    She might not be important to me in the sense that I'm not personally attached to her, but I'm not an F - I'm able to care about things that I'm not personally attached to Plus, why does there not having been a romantic relationship automatically mean a person's "not important" to me?

    I care about all human beings in the sense of wanting to do right and minimal hurt by them. And also this woman's gaslit me for ages, it's one of her special skills. So I wanted to run it by some other people to get an objective perspective. That's the point.
    I'm male and over 30, FYI.
    Preferences: 20% Extravert, 98% Intuitive, 68% Thinker, 17% Perceiving

  3. #33
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    Quote Originally Posted by proximo View Post
    She might not be important to me in the sense that I'm not personally attached to her, but I'm not an F - I'm able to care about things that I'm not personally attached to
    Actually, I think Fs would be more likely to do this since we're supposedly more relationship focused, so I don't understand what you mean.

    Plus, why does there not having been a romantic relationship automatically mean a person's "not important" to me?
    You only knew her for what? Six weeks? Ten weeks? So she was important to you in a non-romantic sense that quickly? Ok. Cool. Whatever.

    I care about all human beings in the sense of wanting to do right and minimal hurt by them. And also this woman's gaslit me for ages, it's one of her special skills. So I wanted to run it by some other people to get an objective perspective. That's the point.
    You just accused me of "maligning your character" in a PM. Something tells me you're a bit sensitive to criticism, even when that criticism isn't personal. I was never personally attacking you. I was responding to the given information in a theoretical manner, laying judgement on completely hypothetical behavior not character.

    Have a nice day, man. Good luck with your drama! Sorry I tried to help.

  4. #34
    Senior Member proximo's Avatar
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    Yeah I said "things"... hard to explain I guess. Caring about a concept, a principle, being committed to living up to it, which involves behaviour towards others. That kind of caring without emotional attachment to the actual person or relationship per se, but more what it means, what it's part of, part of something I do care immensely about. That is important to me all the time, and a person that walks in on that basis is instantly important to me from that perspective. And as a human being, period. As I said, I care about all human beings - genuinely care, as opposed to just as a concept. Because they're human beings... more for that, than the individual in question at that early juncture. Meh.

    Anyway, it just seemed to me like you were assuming the best of this other person despite evidence in the OP which, on its own, already signifies odd behaviour that I'm surely legitimate in feeling confused by? And making like I was the one who was screwy for being confused and then for even asking for advice on it. And the rep comment was meant as a light-hearted poke, btw, that's why I used a silly smiley with it - no need to get snippy

    You've gotta admit that if someone said to you when you asked for advice on a situation, "just be a grown-up and do XYZ", you would probably have to work hard at not reading that the person was suggesting you weren't behaving like a grown-up already.
    I'm male and over 30, FYI.
    Preferences: 20% Extravert, 98% Intuitive, 68% Thinker, 17% Perceiving

  5. #35
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    Quote Originally Posted by proximo View Post
    Yeah I said "things"... hard to explain I guess. Caring about a concept, a principle, being committed to living up to it, which involves behaviour towards others. That kind of caring without emotional attachment to the actual person or relationship per se, but more what it means, what it's part of, part of something I do care immensely about. That is important to me all the time, and a person that walks in on that basis is instantly important to me from that perspective. And as a human being, period. As I said, I care about all human beings - genuinely care, as opposed to just as a concept. Because they're human beings... more for that, than the individual in question at that early juncture. Meh.

    Anyway, it just seemed to me like you were assuming the best of this other person despite evidence in the OP which, on its own, already signifies odd behaviour that I'm surely legitimate in feeling confused by?
    I never assumed the best of the other person. In fact, my first response was to tell her point blank that you didn't want to talk to her to discourage further stalking, and to block her if she continued to contact you.

    On what planet is that assuming the best of her?


    And making like I was the one who was screwy for being confused and then for even asking for advice on it.
    But I wasn't taking sides. I never said you were screwy for asking for advice on it. I did, however, express the opinion that just ignoring the person wasn't the thing to do for two reasons:

    1) It would highly likely cause the person in question to bother you more.

    2) Dealing with things directly has always struck me as the effective, adult way to handle things. Is this Te? Perhaps.


    And the rep comment was meant as a light-hearted poke, btw
    Cool...then I hope you get lots and lots and lots more of ENFP apolgies

    You've gotta admit that if someone said to you when you asked for advice on a situation, "just be a grown-up and do XYZ", you would probably have to work hard at not reading that the person was suggesting you weren't behaving like a grown-up already.
    Yeah, I can be a bit curt in my replies sometimes. Nothing personal.

  6. #36
    Senior Member proximo's Avatar
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    Okay. Misunderstandings all round then, apparently!

    Anyway, all that aside, I'll probably block her. That's what I was leaning towards anyway, but this woman screwed with my head so badly, my usual second-guessing myself issues are multiplied tenfold where people like her are concerned. You know, people who made you feel (even if for a relatively short time, it can seem like a long time and have a longterm effect as though it were when it's very intense) like you were constantly doing wrong and being punished but couldn't understand why - they do that to you.

    I'll sleep on it first though, just to make sure.
    I'm male and over 30, FYI.
    Preferences: 20% Extravert, 98% Intuitive, 68% Thinker, 17% Perceiving

  7. #37
    Senior Member proximo's Avatar
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    Hang on - what about sending her a reply and then blocking her afterwards, explaining in a polite but firm way that I'm doing that, and why?

    Something like: Yes it is me, I deleted my other account for family reasons. I still agree that we shouldn't talk, I'll block you after sending this message to help avoid temptation in future (if you can be tempted to send a polite enquiry when you see someone that "might be" me, what might you do now that you know it is and you see me on your friend's wall?). I think this is the best way; it'd only end in tears again otherwise. Take care

    Something like that? Or not? Or with different wording?

    edit - nah, I'll just block her.
    I'm male and over 30, FYI.
    Preferences: 20% Extravert, 98% Intuitive, 68% Thinker, 17% Perceiving

  8. #38
    half mystic, half skeksis jenocyde's Avatar
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    Holy shit, this thread is so over the top. Can anyone actually read what has been written, or am I finally correct in my assumption that ENFPs only hear (and believe!!!) what they assume the situation to be?

    He said quite clearly that he had a strange friendship with an overbearing woman. The woman then ended the friendship. This woman has made no attempt to contact him however has sent a message to a random stranger (for all she knows) asking about him, which suggests that he is still on the forefront of her mind. Proximo is asking for help in understanding the inner workings of a mind like this. There was no reference to romance.

    Now that we have the facts straight, maybe it would be nice to actually offer him some advice...


    Proximo - I have been in this situation multiple times. I kid you not. This is a common occurrence with my ENFP friends that are less evolved (in the maturity sense). One became so obsessed that I was in a new and happy relationship that she google-stalked my new bf to learn everything she could about him, after harassing me to death with questions. She ended up google stalking him because she had asked me for his picture and I told her no because I felt weird about how involved she was making herself in my relationship, and not to worry because she would meet him soon. Well, she went and found all this information about him and even a picture and forwarded it to me, as if she had won some prize. Needless to say, I reacted very badly.

    Her whole excuse was that she was excited for me - so of course, that trumps everything I feel about her intrusion, and not to mention how he felt about it. Then she used her Ne-Fi (pulling crap out of thin air to justify her whims) to explain that if she found it on google, then it wasn't private information, which means that she couldn't have possibly invaded my privacy, so I had no right to be upset at her. wtf?

    All I am saying is that untamed Ne-Fi can lead people to do some crazy shit. I have this problem more with ENFPs than any other type. And the more I pull away, the more they clasp on for dear life.

    My suggestion is this: write her back and tell her point blank that you are, in fact, the person in question and that you didn't friend her because, quite simply, your friendship is over. Then go on to say that while you have no intention of friending her now, you wish her all the best for a happy and successful life. And then block her.

    Or just block her.

  9. #39
    Senior Member proximo's Avatar
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    Ah, right... well, I did just block her. I knew she wouldn't like it, but I figured, what can she do?

    I got my answer when I got back from a long drive home from London at just before 4am. On my blog post, where I alluded to her recent intrusion into my life in these exact words:

    "...I decided to use my middle name (less well known amongst my family) to avoid detection, but I think I ought to have used a completely fictitious name, now. There's somebody else that I forgot about, not in my family, that I decidedly do not want to have to deal with again! But in a Stacey from Wayne's World style gesture, they remembered themselves to me yesterday... ugh!"

    Note how I mentioned no names, and was deliberately vague and humorously dismissive about it.

    Now, I use StatCounter, and she hasn't visited my blog for several weeks (though she did continue to visit it VERY regularly for quite a while after she ended the friendship). So when I found that she'd commented in these exact words:

    "Grow up (my name). If you can't take a joke then I feel sorry for you. I thought it was pretty funny, shame you decided to see it through 'chip on your shoulder' eyes. Anyone would think I had destroyed your life the way you slag me off here there and everywhere. One wonders if you have portrayed me as some kind of monster to all the home ed folk. If you have I think that is very unfair of you as all we had was a clash of personalities. I surely deserve a fair hearing as far as anyone else is concerned.
    Still, some people are beyond reasoning with and as I decidedly do not want to have to deal with YOU again I shall leave you be with your fantasy about 'big bad Bex' and the poor mistreatment of (my name). Thank goodness I got told you'd responded to my message on here or I'd never have known, lol. Oh and there really was no need to block me on FB. I had no intention of ever contacting you again you know!"

    I put two and two together and figured this was the probable sequence of events: found I'd blocked her, was furious, wanted a way to "get back" at me for it in a public way, looked for and found my blog (must've taken some doing - I moved its URL a couple of weeks ago), read the most recent post, was even more furious at it, so indulged in a deranged vent and quaintly absurd character assassination. Bear in mind that the "home ed folk" are people in a webgroup that I left months ago. Several of them became my close friends, whilst to her none of them were more than internet names or at very most, casual acquaintances (she'd met them once or twice, exchanged names and handshakes, tried to get them to visit her - unsuccessful long before I even knew they'd met her - they simply perceived her psycho aura for themselves and backed away!).
    Last edited by proximo; 12-05-2009 at 09:44 AM. Reason: corrected movie character name
    I'm male and over 30, FYI.
    Preferences: 20% Extravert, 98% Intuitive, 68% Thinker, 17% Perceiving

  10. #40
    half mystic, half skeksis jenocyde's Avatar
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    This is beyond words. Yikes.

    I keep remembering (and identifying strongly with) that line you said before about not giving closure because she would take any word as an opening. Well, you've confirmed it. And you weren't even directing that word towards her.

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