I met a ENTJ female aged late 30's who had been at school with me 20 years ago. We ended up by semi-accident and hit it off on basis of MBTI etc. We ended up in contact via Facebook, sms, e-mail and telephone conversations as we live in cities a 2 hour flight apart.
After a month a friend mentioned he knew her and when I asked him he just laughed. I intuited something fishy.
When I hooked up with him for coffee ( I had been using my trips to the city, she is in, to catch up with okld friends in fact that's how come she a ENTJ and I a INTJ/P hooked as she was trying to hook me up with a mutual friend). My friend mentioned that he knew her via a friend and implied that something went on between her and this guy. He then proceeded to mention some personal issues about her life at which stage I stopped him and said I am tempted to ask more but felt as she was a good friend it was not appropriate for me to know such things. Reason being is that as he we was talking I thought shit what if u knew some of my issues - what would he say about me?
To be honest I was curious about the guy mentioned who was in close contact with her and then she suddenly stopped talking to him according to my friend because it sounded like they had a good relationship like she had with me. In fact at some stage I had asked her why she spoke so much to me. She explained she liked talking to interesting strong males.
I then asked her about the guy because she previously told me about why she is single etc and thought this guy sounded like one of the relationships she told me about. She told me no she never had a relationship with the guy. During the conversation I mentioned the negative personal issues my friend had to say about her (as he was telling me I thought of my own issues and also felt I did not need to know her issues).
In any case she was upset and spoke to the previous guy to straighten out issues about whether they had had a relationship or not. which she had not andf got him to confirm. Then she went to find out about my friend. She actually called me later to give me a "progress/feedback". I said to her I do not need to know. She was very concerned about whether my opinion of her had changed.
About 3 hours later she sent me an e-mail saying she wished I had never told her and I must ask myself why I told her and she considered the matter closed.
Quite frankly I was pissed off and told her the entire issue "is closed". She posted back "are u a parrot" to which I did not respond. Two days later she posted on her FB that "Curiosity killed the cat :-)" As it was not on my FB I ignored it.
Now more than 3 weeks later I actually called her because 1. I miss chatting to her and 2. she went quite on FB and I actually wondered to myself if she felt embarrassed about issue.
She was nice and we chatted and then somehow the conversation went back to issue and she went on a tirade about how bad this friend of mine was. The more I told her that his sexuality and own personal issues (which she was informed of on inquiry from other people and which I am aware of but did not share with her) were irrelevant, the more she kept on and said how would I feel if someone spoke about my life.
Is this normal for an ENTJ? Why react so emotionally? I have some issues (which I told her of at teh time so she could understand and not feel she is alone) and she said she could make judgements about my issues as well - implying I made negatrive judgements about her which I did not? In any case conversation ended at that stalemate - that she kept badmouthing the friend of mine and me saying these issues are irrelevant.
I was totally puzzled by her emotional response. Btw she is a low E but as an INTJ/P I still cannot identify with her reactions if one were to say she is closer to an INTJ.
Do please advise how I repair this relationship or do I simply walk away as she is the first person, never mind female I could identify with in all these years - so would really miss her although life will continue - cold INTJ :-)