User Tag List

123 Last

Results 1 to 10 of 51

Thread: INTJ and ENTJ

  1. #1
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    MBTI
    INTX
    Enneagram
    5w6?
    Posts
    205

    Post INTJ and ENTJ

    I met a ENTJ female aged late 30's who had been at school with me 20 years ago. We ended up by semi-accident and hit it off on basis of MBTI etc. We ended up in contact via Facebook, sms, e-mail and telephone conversations as we live in cities a 2 hour flight apart.

    After a month a friend mentioned he knew her and when I asked him he just laughed. I intuited something fishy.

    When I hooked up with him for coffee ( I had been using my trips to the city, she is in, to catch up with okld friends in fact that's how come she a ENTJ and I a INTJ/P hooked as she was trying to hook me up with a mutual friend). My friend mentioned that he knew her via a friend and implied that something went on between her and this guy. He then proceeded to mention some personal issues about her life at which stage I stopped him and said I am tempted to ask more but felt as she was a good friend it was not appropriate for me to know such things. Reason being is that as he we was talking I thought shit what if u knew some of my issues - what would he say about me?

    To be honest I was curious about the guy mentioned who was in close contact with her and then she suddenly stopped talking to him according to my friend because it sounded like they had a good relationship like she had with me. In fact at some stage I had asked her why she spoke so much to me. She explained she liked talking to interesting strong males.

    I then asked her about the guy because she previously told me about why she is single etc and thought this guy sounded like one of the relationships she told me about. She told me no she never had a relationship with the guy. During the conversation I mentioned the negative personal issues my friend had to say about her (as he was telling me I thought of my own issues and also felt I did not need to know her issues).

    In any case she was upset and spoke to the previous guy to straighten out issues about whether they had had a relationship or not. which she had not andf got him to confirm. Then she went to find out about my friend. She actually called me later to give me a "progress/feedback". I said to her I do not need to know. She was very concerned about whether my opinion of her had changed.

    About 3 hours later she sent me an e-mail saying she wished I had never told her and I must ask myself why I told her and she considered the matter closed.

    Quite frankly I was pissed off and told her the entire issue "is closed". She posted back "are u a parrot" to which I did not respond. Two days later she posted on her FB that "Curiosity killed the cat :-)" As it was not on my FB I ignored it.

    Now more than 3 weeks later I actually called her because 1. I miss chatting to her and 2. she went quite on FB and I actually wondered to myself if she felt embarrassed about issue.

    She was nice and we chatted and then somehow the conversation went back to issue and she went on a tirade about how bad this friend of mine was. The more I told her that his sexuality and own personal issues (which she was informed of on inquiry from other people and which I am aware of but did not share with her) were irrelevant, the more she kept on and said how would I feel if someone spoke about my life.

    Is this normal for an ENTJ? Why react so emotionally? I have some issues (which I told her of at teh time so she could understand and not feel she is alone) and she said she could make judgements about my issues as well - implying I made negatrive judgements about her which I did not? In any case conversation ended at that stalemate - that she kept badmouthing the friend of mine and me saying these issues are irrelevant.

    I was totally puzzled by her emotional response. Btw she is a low E but as an INTJ/P I still cannot identify with her reactions if one were to say she is closer to an INTJ.

    Do please advise how I repair this relationship or do I simply walk away as she is the first person, never mind female I could identify with in all these years - so would really miss her although life will continue - cold INTJ :-)

  2. #2
    Senior Member WoodsWoman's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    MBTI
    INFP
    Posts
    884

    Default

    If my ENTJ was anything to go by personal integrity was at the top of his value chart - question that and the end of the world WOULD arrive (I only witnessed this a couple of times - ever). I think it was one of the things that would truly make him angry. This sounds like it's along that line. ENTJs?? Does this make sense to you??

  3. #3
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    MBTI
    INTX
    Enneagram
    5w6?
    Posts
    205

    Smile

    Quote Originally Posted by WoodsWoman View Post
    If my ENTJ was anything to go by personal integrity was at the top of his value chart - question that and the end of the world WOULD arrive (
    She is an ENTJ and how was her integrity questioned. In fact by her asking me what was my intention I felt like telling to F off as it was my INTJ integrity that was questioned but due my liking for her I simply said matter closed with intention not to speak to her again until she apologised. I thus ignored her but missed her too much.
    Last edited by Kambro; 12-02-2009 at 04:36 PM. Reason: Forgot to add an issue

  4. #4
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    MBTI
    INTX
    Enneagram
    5w6?
    Posts
    205

    Default

    How do move this post to the NT forum as I mistakenly posted in welcomes - LOL

  5. #5
    Senior Member WoodsWoman's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    MBTI
    INFP
    Posts
    884

    Default

    I then asked her about the guy because she previously told me about why she is single etc and thought this guy sounded like one of the relationships she told me about. She told me no she never had a relationship with the guy. During the conversation I mentioned the negative personal issues my friend had to say about her (as he was telling me I thought of my own issues and also felt I did not need to know her issues).

    In any case she was upset and spoke to the previous guy to straighten out issues about whether they had had a relationship or not. which she had not and got him to confirm.
    This was what gave me the idea that she thought her integrity had been infringed upon. If someone was claiming something that wasn't true about her - or in the case of my husband, it wouldn't have been pretty. ---Am I reading it wrong?

  6. #6
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    MBTI
    INTX
    Enneagram
    5w6?
    Posts
    205

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by WoodsWoman View Post
    This was what gave me the idea that she thought her integrity had been infringed upon. If someone was claiming something that wasn't true about her - or in the case of my husband, it wouldn't have been pretty. ---Am I reading it wrong?
    U right but that she sorted out with the guy.

    What she is upset about is my friend revealing personal information about her family (parents) life. As she said to me last time and now - her parents issues have nothing to do with her yet she is so emotional about the issue. There are family/parent skeletons in my life as well which I shared with her.

    I just don't understand why she is so worried about others' opinion although she says she doesn 't care. So strange for an ENTJ? Surely should deal like me with issue and say :steam: to anyone who wants to make an issue.

  7. #7
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    MBTI
    INTX
    Enneagram
    5w6?
    Posts
    205

    Default

    Where's the ENTJ's or even INTJ's to help me with this one

  8. #8
    Strongly Ambivalent Ivy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    6
    Posts
    24,060

    Default

    Moved from Welcomes.
    The one who buggers a fire burns his penis
    -anonymous graffiti in the basilica at Pompeii

  9. #9
    half mystic, half skeksis jenocyde's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    MBTI
    ENTP
    Enneagram
    7w8
    Socionics
    ENTp
    Posts
    6,387

    Default

    A similar thing happened to my ENTJ sis. I think it's more that she likes to be in control of her own image and it really bothers her when people doubt her integrity (as was said).

    But to add to that further, the fact that a friend of hers (you) took part in the discussion that was going on about her really pissed her off. She assumed the friend would have stopped the gossiper in his/her tracks and bitchslapped him/her with the truth.

    You did nothing to set this person straight nor did you say anything in her defense. You just merely stated that you didn't want to hear more, which means you acted for your own benefit and not hers. And the fact that you remain friends with someone who has proven to be a dishonest gossiper, in her mind, speaks volumes about your own character.

    It's not that she acted emotionally to what was actually said, but to the fact that she felt betrayed by a disloyal friend (you).

  10. #10
    half mystic, half skeksis jenocyde's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    MBTI
    ENTP
    Enneagram
    7w8
    Socionics
    ENTp
    Posts
    6,387

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by AdielK View Post
    Do please advise how I repair this relationship or do I simply walk away as she is the first person, never mind female I could identify with in all these years - so would really miss her although life will continue - cold INTJ :-)
    Just tell her you are sorry that you didn't take a bigger stand against the person who said that stuff about her. Tell her that you really care (or respect or whatever) her. Then just try to get back to normal. Next time she brings it up, just try and change the subject. Eventually she'll forget it and move on, but not if she is allowed to keep talking about it.

Similar Threads

  1. [MBTItm] Are ISTPs actually closer with INTJ, ENTP and ENTJ than with INTP?
    By Speed Gavroche in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 23
    Last Post: 09-15-2012, 09:26 AM
  2. [NT] What's the best way of deciding between INTJ and ENTJ?
    By Ezra in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 36
    Last Post: 01-17-2011, 07:44 AM
  3. [NT] Questions for INTJs and ENTJs
    By MoneyTick in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 17
    Last Post: 11-02-2010, 11:33 PM
  4. [INTJ] INTJs and shaved heads...
    By The Ü™ in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 32
    Last Post: 09-16-2007, 02:17 PM
  5. [INTJ] INTJs and spelling
    By Natrushka in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 69
    Last Post: 09-16-2007, 02:14 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO