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Thread: INTJ and ENTJ

  1. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by AdielK View Post
    Funny because yes she acts very emotionally although she believes that she doesn't have a temper. In fact when I told her and she went all emo I told her she is being emotional.

    Oh well - one would think ENTJs are like INTJ's = able to be objective and avoid unnecessary emotion.
    Well, just looking at it from the cognitive functions perspective, Fi is father back in the order of functions for an INTJ (inferior) than it is for an ENTJ (tertiary). Thus, ENTJs are more apt to use Fi, while INTJs bring forth Se more often. Both respective tertiary functions are underdeveloped compared to the primary and secondary functions, and the weaker maturity of it is all the more apparent in observable behavior when it is in the form of judgment (Fi). That's my theory.

    Quote Originally Posted by AdielK View Post

    Now she says she doesn't care but fact she reacts to him the way she does is emotional.
    In my experience, this sort of cognitive dissonance is rather typical. And it can be quite annoying. INTJs seem to be very forthright in how they feel and perceive people/situations. ENTJs seem to conceal that information more, perhaps out of concern for how others would perceive them. They may have a problem with something, but they wont tell you, for whatever reasons they're thinking of in their heads.

  2. #22
    half mystic, half skeksis jenocyde's Avatar
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    I agree that many ENTJs are more excitable than their introverted counterparts, as is usually the case. But every single person has emotions whether they admit it, recognize it or not. Instead of being bewildered that a person felt something, just try and either fix the problem or let it go.

    If you no longer want her friendship, then problem solved. If you truly miss her, you can tell her point blank that you don't believe her when she says she's not angry, tell her that you won't make the same mistake twice since you value her and assert that if she takes a step toward understanding your point of view, you are willing to compromise your "logic" and consider her "emotions" in the future. If that doesn't work, then just cut your losses.

    ENTJ women are very quick with the axe, but I don't believe she has axed you yet.

  3. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by jenocyde View Post
    I agree that many ENTJs are more excitable than their introverted counterparts, as is usually the case. But every single person has emotions whether they admit it, recognize it or not. Instead of being bewildered that a person felt something, just try and either fix the problem or let it go.

    If you no longer want her friendship, then problem solved. If you truly miss her, you can tell her point blank that you don't believe her when she says she's not angry, tell her that you won't make the same mistake twice since you value her and assert that if she takes a step toward understanding your point of view, you are willing to compromise your "logic" and consider her "emotions" in the future. If that doesn't work, then just cut your losses.

    ENTJ women are very quick with the axe, but I don't believe she has axed you yet.
    Thanks a lot - miss her ability to make feel "animated" if that's the right word. But think I'll let things simmer until a few weeks or so passes .

    Only thing I don't understand is that I thought ENTJ's are also very logical?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Risen View Post
    In my experience, this sort of cognitive dissonance is rather typical. And it can be quite annoying. INTJs seem to be very forthright in how they feel and perceive people/situations. ENTJs seem to conceal that information more, perhaps out of concern for how others would perceive them. They may have a problem with something, but they wont tell you, for whatever reasons they're thinking of in their heads.
    Why do they hide it as I thought they forthright? How do you get it out of them? I thought they are straight talkers?

  5. #25
    half mystic, half skeksis jenocyde's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by AdielK View Post
    Thanks a lot - miss her ability to make feel "animated" if that's the right word. But think I'll let things simmer until a few weeks or so passes .

    Only thing I don't understand is that I thought ENTJ's are also very logical?
    Of course they are logical (as are most people, to varying degrees)! Does that mean that a person is unable to have feelings? Don't you ever get frustrated? - Frustration is an emotion, you know. This feeling you have of enjoying her company, missing the way she makes you feel - how is that superior to her feelings of betrayal? You both have feelings right now. It would be just as logical to stop speaking to someone who doesn't want to speak to you - but you have this feeling of regret, right? So does this mean that you are not logical? My point is that just because an emotion is negative doesn't mean that it's illogical.

    I agree that NT women are less apt to feel strong emotions as often as other women. But that's exactly why you should handle this now. If this situation drove her to this level, she is really feeling it much more than you know. If you want to end it, then try to stop her from going through this and just make it better right now.

    As far as waiting a few weeks... I know that it is a very introverted perspective, but for most extroverts, those few weeks will see me forgetting about you completely. I couldn't imagine either me, or my sister, going back to something after having been separated from it for too long. It's usually all about moving forward, quickly. And if we do revisit, it's never with the same vigor and excitement that it once was. Just saying.

  6. #26
    half mystic, half skeksis jenocyde's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by AdielK View Post
    Why do they hide it as I thought they forthright? How do you get it out of them? I thought they are straight talkers?
    Usually it's because they don't want to be perceived as weak. I have a little bit of that in me, too. It's pretty much humiliating for me to admit that I have a problem that I can't solve on my own. I have been letting go of that slowly over time, but my sister is still in the thick of it. Maybe it's an extrovert thing?

    Also, there is an element of not letting all your cards on the table. If I don't like someone, I would watch and wait and plan my strategy, rather than gossip - which would give my entire strategy away. I tend to see most "forthrightness" just to be plain gossip.

  7. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by AdielK View Post
    Why do they hide it as I thought they forthright? How do you get it out of them? I thought they are straight talkers?
    They don't always talk straight, in my experience. I'm sure it depends on the person though, not a generalization I'd be so ready to make about the type. And you can't bring it out of them unless they trust you, and want to share whatever info they're withholding. They do like to control the info that they present to others about themselves. Sometimes it may appear that there is such a grave discontinuity between their thoughts, feelings, and actions that it leaves one in bewilderment, But I have to assume they believe such behavior is beneficial as either a conscious process or an automatic one.

  8. #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by jenocyde View Post
    Usually it's because they don't want to be perceived as weak. ... I tend to see most "forthrightness" just to be plain gossip.
    Yet ENTJ's pride themselves on their straight talking, saying it as it is? Not being seen as weak makes sense becuase that was her first response.


    Quote Originally Posted by jenocyde View Post
    Of course they are logical (as are most people, to varying degrees)! ...

    I agree that NT women are less apt to feel strong emotions as often as other women. But that's exactly why you should handle this now. If this situation drove her to this level, she is really feeling it much more than you know. If you want to end it, then try to stop her from going through this and just make it better right now.

    As far as waiting a few weeks... I know that it is a very introverted perspective, but for most extroverts, those few weeks will see me forgetting about you completely. .... Just saying.
    Thanks your advice makes sense. However, the best i cabn do is to say sorry as i see now that unwittingly I caused her stress. Probably selfish on my part in the sense that for me it was another commonality between us. My father also had two kids from a 2nd wife.

    As for repairing relationship - I will apologise for anguish caused but I think its best I move on as i simply caused her further anguish in my last chat with her since she saw me probably as defending this guy.

    So I'll drop her a mail safer I think ;-). She might think its cowardly way to apologise but talking wil simply risk further misunderstanding.

    Thanks for sharing your perspective. It helped me see things from her side and I must be honest, didn't think she would be so emotionally affected.

    Ah well, live and learn. time sadly then to move on.

  9. #29
    psicobolche tcda's Avatar
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    ^^^it's because they have a plan. INTP's can learn to do that too, it's quite a good idea. hard to get what you want without one...

    oops that was at the Risen quote above the last one.
    "Of course we spent our money in the good times. That's what you're supposed to do in good times! You can't save money in the good times. Then they wouldn't be good times, they'd be 'preparation for the bad times' times."

    "Every country in the world owes money. Everyone. So heere's what I dont get: who do they all owe it to, and why don't we just kill the bastard and relax?"

    -Tommy Tiernan, Irish comedian.

  10. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by tcda View Post
    ^^^it's because they have a plan. INTP's can learn to do that too, it's quite a good idea. hard to get what you want without one...

    oops that was at the Risen quote above the last one.

    Huh? Not making connect - its late here, had a bad week and tired so slow. LOL

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