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  1. #31
    now! in shell form INA's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Morgan Le Fay View Post
    People like other people (or don't) because of how they make them feel. ENFPs really know how to make people feel good. And so everybody loves them.
    lolwut?

    There are lots of them here, but I'll still say that, while I find some ENFPs splendid, they are also the type that aggravates me most often. I suspect it has to do with some of that same "make everybody feel good" style.
    Not. Even. SJs., which sounds unbelievable for an INTP to say, but 'tis true.
    hoarding time and space
    A single event can awaken within us a stranger totally unknown to us. To live is to be slowly born.
    — Antoine de Saint-Exupery

  2. #32
    meh Salomé's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by InaF3157 View Post
    lolwut?

    There are lots of them here, but I'll still say that, while I find some ENFPs splendid, they are also the type that aggravates me most often. I suspect it has to do with some of that same "make everybody feel good" style.
    Not. Even. SJs., which sounds unbelievable for an INTP to say, but 'tis true.
    Like many extroverts, they don't tend to shine online. 'Tis true. There are some on here that actually make me heave.
    But I never met one IRL who couldn't turn me to butter.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Gosh, the world looks so small from up here on my high horse of menstruation.

  3. #33
    now! in shell form INA's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Morgan Le Fay View Post
    Like many extroverts, they don't tend to shine online. 'Tis true. There are some on here that actually make me heave.
    But I never met one IRL who couldn't turn me to butter.
    One of my really good IRL friends is ENFP and she's amazing but sometimes I wanna shake some sense into her. I will say that few people can drive me bonkers like that. It must be a talent.
    hoarding time and space
    A single event can awaken within us a stranger totally unknown to us. To live is to be slowly born.
    — Antoine de Saint-Exupery

  4. #34
    Senior Member proximo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sarcasticus View Post
    *but sometimes it can get a little stalky.
    One ENFP I knew who was incredibly needy, and who ditched me very unequivocally as a friend ("fuck off, I never want anything to do with you again!" were her words) several months ago, because I found myself unable to share all my inmost thoughts with her after having known her for a whole six weeks, used to use Facebook to gain leverage/presence in my life. After she ditched me (at which I was, frankly, relieved), she blocked me from her Facebook, and not long afterwards I deleted my account for totally separate reasons (family plots and feuds, just had enough of them).

    Just last night I created a brand new account, using my middle name and putting all my profile in French. I began to add some of my friends from the previous account. I had one friend in common with her, and by this morning I got an FB message from her saying "I just wondered if you knew this person, it seems a bit of a coincidence that you have the same surname and write in French, and he knew French, and you have all the same friends as me".

    Now, why would she do that? Doesn't that seem crazy/neurotic/stalky? Why would she care to check up when she'd declared herself that she wanted no more dealings with me? Why would she say "all the same friends" when there's only one in common? What was she planning to do if I had replied "yes, it's me, I'm the same person"???

    I realise this is probably more a "crazy person" thing than an ENFP thing, but I thought I'd add it, anyway, cos it is a sort of extreme version of behaviour patterns I have noted in other ENFP's, to a less extreme degree
    I'm male and over 30, FYI.
    Preferences: 20% Extravert, 98% Intuitive, 68% Thinker, 17% Perceiving

  5. #35
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    One ENFP I knew who was incredibly needy, and who ditched me very unequivocally as a friend ("fuck off, I never want anything to do with you again!" were her words) several months ago, because I found myself unable to share all my inmost thoughts with her after having known her for a whole six weeks, used to use Facebook to gain leverage/presence in my life. After she ditched me (at which I was, frankly, relieved), she blocked me from her Facebook, and not long afterwards I deleted my account for totally separate reasons (family plots and feuds, just had enough of them).

    Just last night I created a brand new account, using my middle name and putting all my profile in French. I began to add some of my friends from the previous account. I had one friend in common with her, and by this morning I got an FB message from her saying "I just wondered if you knew this person, it seems a bit of a coincidence that you have the same surname and write in French, and he knew French, and you have all the same friends as me".

    Now, why would she do that? Doesn't that seem crazy/neurotic/stalky? Why would she care to check up when she'd declared herself that she wanted no more dealings with me? Why would she say "all the same friends" when there's only one in common? What was she planning to do if I had replied "yes, it's me, I'm the same person"???

    I realise this is probably more a "crazy person" thing than an ENFP thing, but I thought I'd add it, anyway, cos it is a sort of extreme version of behaviour patterns I have noted in other ENFP's, to a less extreme degree
    Well, I'm a male ENFP and maybe she wants to to be there always for her. I don't mean it like a slave it's more like a true friend. She wants support and she wants to get to know you very well. Maybe she noticed that you were indifferent to her or maybe you said something that made her mad. If she talked to you, it most be that she is just curious or she actually wants to be friends again with you.

  6. #36
    psicobolche tcda's Avatar
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    I get onw ell with ENFP's. My only criticism is I often find them quite obnoxious and in-your face, demanding one minute, then compeltely cold-shoulder you the next as soon as they get bored. :s
    "Of course we spent our money in the good times. That's what you're supposed to do in good times! You can't save money in the good times. Then they wouldn't be good times, they'd be 'preparation for the bad times' times."

    "Every country in the world owes money. Everyone. So heere's what I dont get: who do they all owe it to, and why don't we just kill the bastard and relax?"

    -Tommy Tiernan, Irish comedian.

  7. #37
    Ghost Monkey Soul Vizconde's Avatar
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    I tend to love ENTPs in general. Only thing is sometime they can sapp my energy. Sometimes they invade my space...but they tend to be very intuitive and eventually make the appropriate adjustments without me having to tell them.
    I redact everything I have written or will write on this forum prior to, subsequent with and or after the fact of its writing. For entertainment purposes only and not to be taken seriously nor literally.

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  8. #38
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    Quote Originally Posted by Morgan Le Fay View Post
    ENFPs really know how to make people feel good. And so everybody loves them. But most fail to realize that this doesn't really say anything about how they feel about you personally. It's just their default way of being.
    Ha, I just said this on another thread, and it's so true IMO.

    A lot of the less-positive aspects of ENFPs that people mentioned are traits that I had at some point in my life, but dealt with or grew out of. I think a lot of the behaviors people are describing just boil down to immaturity.

    But I still struggle with the issue highlighted above. I don't know how to be around people without being warm, and supportive, and fun. But that doesn't mean I want to be everyone's entertainment all the time, and it doesn't mean I'm actually everyone's best friend.

    The problem is, no matter what you do as an ENFP, people will always place the blame on you if they aren't getting what they want from you, because to them your behavior seems inconsistent, even though it really isn't, internally. Basically, a lot of people think that you "owe" them something, even if you are very careful not to make any commitments. People infer commitment just because you're nice to them and they feel comfortable opening up around you. However, these same people rarely feel that they owe you space or understanding- you should just be happy that they want to hang out with you and be your friend!

    So, for example, I have multiple groups of friends who think I'm flaky because I won't agree to hang out with them every weekend. What they can't see is that I have TONS of people asking me to do things, all of whom think that I'm closer to them than anyone else, not because I've ever said so, but because, to them, I MUST be- we all have so much fun whenever we hang out, right? So I'll get invited to 2 or 3 things by one group that I can't make, which pisses them off, then go to the 4th thing, which makes them think we're besties again, then not go to the 5th, and suddenly I'm the asshole all over again.

    It's kind of a catch-22. Your options as an ENFP are either to be less fun to hang out with, or to stretch yourself really thin trying to meet everyone else's needs from you. People rarely take the time to understand your true intentions, but they constantly want you to conform to their expectations of you. It is exhausting and frustrating.

    I can't speak for all ENFPs, but what I wish people in my life would understand about me is that I will only- and always- be with them when I want to be. This may seem flaky to some, but to me it seems like a fundamental component of being honest in relationships. Why would you want me to hang out with you when I'd rather do something else? I certainly don't expect that of anyone else. And just because I want to do something else doesn't mean I don't like you any more- I think that's the thing a lot of people don't get.

    Of course I'll be there for people when they really need me. But you can't "need" me every other day and expect me to drop everything to prop you up and show you a good time- I have my own things to worry about, and I can only have that type of commitment with a couple people at most at a time. I know the party is more fun when I'm around, but that doesn't mean I owe it to you to be around.

    Man, that does sound ruthless when I look at it haha. It seems weird to complain that people like you too much. But when that affection turns into demands or judgment, especially with people you've only known for a short while, then it really can become a problem, even though it springs from a great place.

    The upshot of this is that recognizing this problem has made me MUCH better able to deal with my own ENFP neediness, which is basically gone now. So I got that going for me...

  9. #39
    half mystic, half skeksis jenocyde's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Yaxblud View Post
    So, for example, I have multiple groups of friends who think I'm flaky because I won't agree to hang out with them every weekend. What they can't see is that I have TONS of people asking me to do things, all of whom think that I'm closer to them than anyone else, not because I've ever said so, but because, to them, I MUST be- we all have so much fun whenever we hang out, right? So I'll get invited to 2 or 3 things by one group that I can't make, which pisses them off, then go to the 4th thing, which makes them think we're besties again, then not go to the 5th, and suddenly I'm the asshole all over again.
    I think all ExxPs go through this. People don't think I'm a flake (anymore) because I stopped saying yes to things that I can't possibly attend. Sometimes, having the best of intentions isn't good enough - just be realistic. People tend to call you a flake if you keep saying you'll show up but never do. If they are calling you an asshole for some other reason, maybe it's time to find new friends.

  10. #40
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    Quote Originally Posted by jenocyde View Post
    I think all ExxPs go through this. People don't think I'm a flake (anymore) because I stopped saying yes to things that I can't possibly attend. Sometimes, having the best of intentions isn't good enough - just be realistic. People tend to call you a flake if you keep saying you'll show up but never do. If they are calling you an asshole for some other reason, maybe it's time to find new friends.
    Yeah, this is good advice, and that's pretty much the tack I've been taking lately. The toughest part is when you actually do think you want to do something, but still really don't want to be held to any commitments.

    But I'm getting better about respecting that some people don't like flying by the seat of their pants quite as much as I tend to, as well as appreciating the utility of planning things out in advance. I just need to get over feeling that firm social commitments are a threat to my freedom and self-determination haha...

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