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Thread: Ask an ENTP!

  1. #1111
    Riva
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bloubessie View Post
    But we head a deal that we won't tell anyone about something, but I did, because he hurt me so bad. But I regret it... really bad...
    Quote Originally Posted by entropie View Post
    Hmhm, that I find morally questionable, he cant force you not to tell, you are an individuum. No I dont think you should let yourself be controlled like that and entps are with their charisma and winning attitude the puppet masters
    A rhetorical question.

    Entropie, the deal was to not tell. He is morally not questionable for the deal made by the both of them, is he?

  2. #1112
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Riva View Post
    Entropie, the deal was to not tell. He is morally not questionable for the deal made by the both of them, is he?
    Ya it depends on your viewpoint. Any deal that was made always needs respect to the conditions it was made in. if you make a deal drunken its worthless. if you make a deal being in love with a jerk (sorry Bloubessie) its questionable if its valid.

    You know, I know my sex and deals like that aint uncommon. Men try to "keep a woman warm" for later, if it shouldnt work out with the new fling. Or men have a double agenda in case they dont get the first girl, they take the second. Thats in every case no base for a solid happy long lasting relationship, cause one party is dishonest. Since woman are most often the bereaved, it always ends in a broken heart.

    I know what I am talking about, I was no different from these men when I was young.
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

  3. #1113
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    But dont be sad, its always like doctor Cox said it:

    [YOUTUBE="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IINn0UatJPE&feature=related"].[/YOUTUBE]

    I argued with my girl in the beginning a billion of times, sometimes very hard, no we are together for almost 7 years and the only reason is because we loved each others and fought for it.
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

  4. #1114
    Senior Member redcheerio's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bloubessie View Post
    He said I was the best experience, but he has a girlfriend now, so big no.

    I didn't cheat him. We broke up 2 months ago. But we head a deal that we won't tell anyone about something, but I did, because he hurt me so bad. But I regret it... really bad...
    Hurting you knowingly was more of an offense than you breaking the secret to tell friends about it because you were hurt.

    On the one hand, you knew what you were getting into going in, and he can use that as a reason to absolve himself of guilt for hurting you, but on the other hand, he seems kinda manipulative, so don't bother feeling guilty about breaking the secret. Asking you to keep it secret and then getting mad at you for not keeping the secret seems manipulative to me.

    I recommend getting him out of your head and moving on.

  5. #1115
    A window to the soul
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bloubessie View Post
    Well and how someone can gain your trust again?
    I read your later posts. You may have already heard about how trust is the foundation of a relationship, so going forward, no matter what the outcome is, look at this as a learning experience for your future relationships. Feel good about that.

    Honestly, I'm forgiving and I'm typically 'over it' within a few hours (worst case); however, I have little patience with people that don't learn from their mistakes and resist growth in a relationship.

    In a nutshell, there should be reasonable expectations of respect for the relationship boundaries between the two of you. He would never stab you in the back, right? As an ex, there will still be an expectation for honoring each other's privacy and secrets. If you fail to do that, he may begin to see you as troubled. I'm pretty much in a hurry to weed out troubled people from my life, but again, it depends on the relationship and situation. (i.e., I never turn my back on family.)

    The key is to own up to the back stabbing and not do it again.

  6. #1116
    Writing... Tamske's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bloubessie View Post
    Would you ever go back to someone you genuinely liked but who accidentally stabbed your back?
    Probably not. I tend to trust people almost immediately, I would even call myself naive in that sense. But when someone betrayed me, I'd remember it. Especially if the traitor brushes it off as "no big deal". On the contrary, if he'd expressed remorse, I'd probably forgive, but I'd still think twice before confiding delicate matters. In short, I wouldn't go back myself, but if the other makes the effort to mend things, I'd accept.
    Quote Originally Posted by Bloubessie View Post
    Well and how someone can gain your trust again?
    So someone had my trust (easily) and broke it. Gaining it back will be hard. Just saying sorry counts as a very big step indeed, because I'm not going to ask it. I'd feel I've done enough, if he really wants my friendship it's up to him to take the initiative.
    Quote Originally Posted by Bloubessie View Post
    I didn't cheat him. We broke up 2 months ago. But we head a deal that we won't tell anyone about something, but I did, because he hurt me so bad. But I regret it... really bad...
    THIS. Do you dare to tell this to him? And don't tell "I did it because you hurt me", that's making excuses. Just tell "I did this and I regret it really bad. I know I've hurt you." Only if he asks why, tell him. Try to make it NOT sound like "actually it's all your fault and YOU'd better say sorry now!" I guess that's the real difficulty here. Because you want to say sorry without making it sound like an accusation.
    Got questions? Ask an ENTP!
    I'm female. I just can't draw women

  7. #1117
    Senior Member redcheerio's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bloubessie View Post
    Would you ever go back to someone you genuinely liked but who accidentally stabbed your back?
    Quote Originally Posted by Bloubessie View Post
    I didn't cheat him. We broke up 2 months ago. But we head a deal that we won't tell anyone about something, but I did, because he hurt me so bad. But I regret it... really bad...
    Quote Originally Posted by Nerd Girl View Post
    In a nutshell, there should be reasonable expectations of respect for the relationship boundaries between the two of you. He would never stab you in the back, right? As an ex, there will still be an expectation for honoring each other's privacy and secrets. If you fail to do that, he may begin to see you as troubled. I'm pretty much in a hurry to weed out troubled people from my life, but again, it depends on the relationship and situation. (i.e., I never turn my back on family.)

    The key is to own up to the back stabbing and not do it again.
    I guess the main question is what she means by back stabbing. I assumed she just meant that she had promised not to tell anyone about their relationship at all. If all she did was confide in a best friend because she needed someone to confide in, I don't see that as a "backstab".

    She could confess to the facts of the matter and apologize. "I apologize for telling my best friend, I just needed to confide in someone" (<- facts) would be more appropriate than "I'm so sorry for stabbing you in the back" (<- too dramatic, sounds worse than it is).

    It seems like a good possibility that he's using her secret-breaking as a guilt trip so that he can "forgive" her for it next time he's in town looking for a convenient fuck buddy. Telling someone that something they did is their little secret is a common form of manipulation. On the other hand, she should take responsibility and not act like the victim, but clearly he had the upper hand in this relationship and knows it. He's got another girlfriend already, and she's still reeling over their past FWB relationship. Obviously she's emotionally in it WAY deeper than he was, he knows it, and seems to be using it to keep her on a leash for later.

    I don't know, maybe I'm making too many assumptions and not being fair to the guy in this story. I don't have much sympathy for people (male or female, ENTP or not) who knowingly stomp on other people's hearts for purposes of ego stroking or sex.

    PS I'm also using the past thread as background info, for anyone wondering because they missed the previous thread.

  8. #1118
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    Quote Originally Posted by redcheerio View Post
    I guess the main question is what she means by back stabbing. I assumed she just meant that she had promised not to tell anyone about their relationship at all. If all she did was confide in a best friend because she needed someone to confide in, I don't see that as a "backstab".
    Yeah, see I'm not sure about that either. She did say they weren't cheating. I wasn't comfortable assuming that's the case, and since she's not comfortable divulging the details, I worked with what I had.

    I'm glad you mentioned that too, which brings up something I want to clarify about my post...

    @Bloubessie: When I mentioned not sharing the *secrets* between you and your ex, I'm talking about not sharing personal things between the two of you from your past. I didn't intend for *secrets* to mean a secret love affair. I don't support cheating, which I read where you said you weren't cheating, so I think we're square. :)

  9. #1119
    Senior Member ThatsWhatHeSaid's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by redcheerio View Post
    I guess the main question is what she means by back stabbing.
    I think she means this


  10. #1120
    Anew Leaf
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    Dear ENTPs,

    If I want to lure one of you to my gingerbread house of amazingness, how would I best go about doing this?

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