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[INTJ] INTJs and showing emotion

Uytuun

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But you guys are scary :sad:

The fact that he doesn't criticise you says more than the fact that he doesn't praise you.

We tend to assume that things should be excellent and that that's normality. If it's good, it's good and it no longer needs our attention. That which needs improvement does.

But yeah, why not ask? He will give you his opinion, probably won't bite your head off. :p He's there to help you and teach you anyway, it's his job. Don't let his stony demeanor or reputation spook you out of a good learning experience. And I think he should be able to give more than a nod and a "good" to his students anyway...it sounds like he's terrorising you, but it's possible that he's entirely unaware of it and that this has been perpetuated by generations of meek students.
 

Athenian200

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Someone must have really done a number on you growing up.

Well, both of my parents have lied in order to get a job, and one of them is very skilled at using bullshit to get ahead.

So, yeah... I know that honesty is never the best policy. If people know the truth about you, they'll find a way to use it against you. So you can never be honest unless you want to be taken advantage of.
 

run

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Jesus christ, she's serious.

and that this has been perpetuated by generations of meek students.

How'd you know? He's kind of an asshole and it's pissin' me off.
 

Lethe

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I could, but why doesn't he notice how pissed off he looks, no matter what? I could be the next Dorothy Delay, and I think he'd look the same.

Don't worry about it. From what you've describe, Grumpy is his default expression. :D And those head nods are given out an infrequent basis -- it's probably reserved for something extraordinary.

However, I agree with CeeCee - the only way to find out is to ask your professor directly. We can easily miss subtle cues, and be elusive, or idiosyncratic in our nonverbal communication. When you approach him, tell him about the improvements you've made, and then ask for further input on how those skills could be taken to another level. This is the perfect time to bombard him with questions like, "Do you think this is good enough?", "What else can I do?", etc. I'm sure any INTJ would be thrilled to offer you that sort of insight. ;) After you have opened the channels of communication, you can keep going back to him for more feedback!

*Edit: Don't count on him for personal validation. Use him as a source of improvement. You'll be less disappointed, and able to make the most of your situation.
 

Siúil a Rúin

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People who are not themselves motivated by praise are less likely to see a reason to give it out to motivate a student. If they notice your improvement, they might think that you would be happy with the progress, and not assume that there is a need for outside praise.

Teachers watch the development of a lot of students. Each student has teachers that add up within one power of ten. Teachers have hundreds, even thousands of students over a career. There is a way they can become either disconnected, or have a selective connectedness to students. They can care about progress, but lose that sense of awareness that commenting on it has an effect.

Music has an especially wide spectrum of communication styles. Family and members of smaller communities tend to comment a great deal on musical effort and achievement. Conservatory and university level instruction has close to zero praise or comment. Excelling is the expected bottom line. Sometimes increased attention to critiquing (which can 'feel' negative) is an expression of interest that there is potential. The compliments tend to mean more in those environments as well.
 

Kra

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I agree with CeeCee in that you should simply approach him and ask for said information. He's not going to attack you for seeking counsel for improvement. He may even enjoy giving advice, as it shows you respect his input.

Personally, I look inward for motivation, and I often forget that others often derive it from external sources. As such, I'm not the best at providing such motivation. I'm the guy my friends ask for advice after they've found motivation for a situation, which works for me.
 

run

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I go to ask him what went wrong in a lesson and he bites my head off. "Well, you're mumbling, your hair's in your face, and you're dropping beats." 27 years of teaching teachers to teach the arts, and he still has almost no emotional intelligence.
 

Lethe

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I go to ask him what went wrong in a lesson and he bites my head off. "Well, you're mumbling, your hair's in your face, and you're dropping beats." 27 years of teaching teachers to teach the arts, and he still has almost no emotional intelligence.

I kinda don't see how the first two statements are that important for someone like him to waste his breath on. I'd be disappointed to listen to those type of fluffy feedback unless I'm in a communications course or something.

So have you tried narrowing down the types of improvement you're aiming to hear? (Re: Ask him to give advice that's actually relevant and crucial to the subject. The more specific you are, I hope his answers will be as helpful.)
 

MonkeyGrass

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Yikes on the response he gave you! :shock: Makes me wonder why he went into teaching, if his feedback isn't presenting any better than that.

Tell me, though (asking as a music grad), is this a college prof? *Are* you dropping beats all over the place? :newwink: IME, college profs see it as their job to prepare you to be a professional something. The advice to work on your timing, to speak clearly and confidently, and to not have your face obstructed during an interaction might actually be valuable. If you take his feedback seriously and show him you give a crap, you might be surprised at the reaction you get (besides having bettered the way you present yourself as a musician). :hug:
 

tango

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Well, both of my parents have lied in order to get a job, and one of them is very skilled at using bullshit to get ahead.

So, yeah... I know that honesty is never the best policy. If people know the truth about you, they'll find a way to use it against you. So you can never be honest unless you want to be taken advantage of.

Let me guess-- your parents are in politics.

:D
 

run

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Yikes on the response he gave you! :shock: Makes me wonder why he went into teaching, if his feedback isn't presenting any better than that.

Tell me, though (asking as a music grad), is this a college prof? *Are* you dropping beats all over the place? :newwink: IME, college profs see it as their job to prepare you to be a professional something. The advice to work on your timing, to speak clearly and confidently, and to not have your face obstructed during an interaction might actually be valuable. If you take his feedback seriously and show him you give a crap, you might be surprised at the reaction you get (besides having bettered the way you present yourself as a musician). :hug:

I was but he can express disappointment and the ridiculousness of what I did (if it was ridiculou) and get his point across without being an asshole

blah this is getting to be a pointless discussion
 
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