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  1. #41
    Widdles in your cream.
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    Quote Originally Posted by proximo View Post
    Couldn't happen for me. It's either platonic, or it's romantic. If it's ever been romantic, it can never be platonic again. It just can't... that's the end. Not everyone can "still be friends". I look at people who can with bewilderment and envy.
    This, pretty much. And to be honest, if I ended up going out with a friend, it was because I didn't value our friendship that much to begin with. Friends stay as friends. Simple. I'm on pleasant terms with all my exes, I just don't talk to them anymore.

    This is my principle since I ruined a friendship by taking things further, and then the relationship failed. Best friends for four years now down the drain. I don't know, for some reason I just don't want to go back to friendship. I'd rather just cut them out of my social life.
    Um, yeah.

  2. #42
    Senior Member proximo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Grungemouse View Post
    I don't know, for some reason I just don't want to go back to friendship. I'd rather just cut them out of my social life.
    For me, "want" doesn't enter into it. I just can't, end of.
    I'm male and over 30, FYI.
    Preferences: 20% Extravert, 98% Intuitive, 68% Thinker, 17% Perceiving

  3. #43
    Senior Member King sns's Avatar
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    Before even reading the OP, I thought "INFP." The couple of INFP guys I have known were not depressed, but had a tendency towards it a little bit. Good listeners, smiley, good for laughs and hugs. Non assertive.

    Perfect friend material.

  4. #44
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elaur View Post
    Yes it does. I wonder how many people who are "friend zoned" really are so crushed and dismayed that they can't ever talk to the person again and need to be "cut loose"
    Agreed. Most of the time a friendship survives when you have two long time friends and one develops new feelings. The guy broaches the topic, the girl doesn't return the feelings, and then the feelings eventually fade and the guy moves on.

    My best guy friend was interested in me for some time, but we had been friends since childhood, so it wasn't like he befriended me to date me. I wasn't interested though (but I gave it some serious consideration), but it didn't affect our friendship. Less than 6 months later he was dating someone else and very into her. Maybe because we were such long time friends and it was all handled well.... I actually think bringing it into the open cured the romantic feeling for him, instead of letting it sit and fester.

    When I think of "friend-zoning", I think of a guy attracted to a woman initially who pursues her with romantic intentions, but is too passive to make those intentions clear, so the woman thinks he just wants to be friends. The truth is, if he told her from the beginning, she probably would've told him that she just wasn't attracted to him. If I became friends with a guy I found attractive and he later confessed feelings, I'd be all too happy to date him - so there really is no permanent friend-zone. It boils down to attraction and people taking action.


    Quote Originally Posted by Grungemouse View Post
    ETA: I don't actively fall for people? I just add them to my list of "People I would say yes to if they asked first".
    I'm often the same way. Many people are left open to possibility.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  5. #45
    Reptilian Snuggletron's Avatar
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    fuck

  6. #46
    Was E.laur Laurie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    When I think of "friend-zoning", I think of a guy attracted to a woman initially who pursues her with romantic intentions, but is too passive to make those intentions clear, so the woman thinks he just wants to be friends.
    Exactly. And in that case it's unhealthy relationship tendencies, rather than the FZ that is the problem.

  7. #47
    Senior Member King sns's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by proximo View Post
    Couldn't happen for me. It's either platonic, or it's romantic. If it's ever been romantic, it can never be platonic again. It just can't... that's the end. Not everyone can "still be friends". I look at people who can with bewilderment and envy.

    Not that it matters, since I haven't been attracted to anyone for years and I'm pretty sure nobody has to me.
    I always try to be friends with old loves. I just hate losing contact with people that I care about. :sad: Most other people don't feel the same way, though. So I always have to accept it.

  8. #48
    Was E.laur Laurie's Avatar
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    Yes, I agree, I cared about them for a reason. Although lately I've been trying to be more careful. I just went to a friend's wedding that I FZ'ed 18 years ago. It was weird!

  9. #49
    Ghost Monkey Soul Vizconde's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    \
    When I think of "friend-zoning", I think of a guy attracted to a woman initially who pursues her with romantic intentions, but is too passive to make those intentions clear, so the woman thinks he just wants to be friends. .
    I agree with the first part. Approaching indirectly is fine, yet if male doesn't take it to the next level in a timely manner this often kills the physical attraction for women whether they admit it or no.

    As for the second part have a hard time thinking that women who have a bunch of FZ orbiters floating around them really only believe that the guys "just want to be friends". Think some of them mostly keep the orbiters around as an ego boost. I don't see anything wrong with it per se, I just think it creates an odd incongruence because usually the orbiters are putting them on pedestals.
    I redact everything I have written or will write on this forum prior to, subsequent with and or after the fact of its writing. For entertainment purposes only and not to be taken seriously nor literally.

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    Spamtar - a strange combination of boorish drunkeness and erudite discussions, or what I call "an Irish academic"

  10. #50
    Senior Member proximo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elaur View Post
    Yes, I agree, I cared about them for a reason.
    I see the reason I cared about them as being "I was blind"!! There's also a reason why I *ceased* to care about them and hence, broke up!
    I'm male and over 30, FYI.
    Preferences: 20% Extravert, 98% Intuitive, 68% Thinker, 17% Perceiving

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