User Tag List

12 Last

Results 1 to 10 of 11

  1. #1
    Senior Member chasingAJ's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    FIVE
    Posts
    161

    Default INTJ's and Grief

    I haven't been around in awhile but my cousin and her 4 year old daughter were recently murdered. I have a family full of feelers and S's. They want to be touchy-feely and cry but I can't get in touch with my feelings like that. I know that I have to grieve to move on, so it is something on my list. :-)

    Any suggestions? Is there any way to speed this up or at least make it more predictable? I don't enjoy crying and sitting around doing nothing is driving me crazier. My immediate family needs me to be pulled together but I fear that if I do nothing I will crack when it is most inconvenient. This person was my best friend growing up, we lived together so it was more like losing my sister and niece. To put it in perspective, I actually cried... in front of people... with cameras... who happen to be working for the AP. It's serious but I don't know what to do.

  2. #2
    FigerPuppet
    Guest

    Default

    Damn. That sucks.

    Have you tried watching a sad movie or listening to melancholic music? I don't know if it works.

    Try to listen to this while remembering the good times with her and remind yourself of the fact that you'll never have any more with her.

  3. #3
    Senior Member WoodsWoman's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    MBTI
    INFP
    Posts
    884

    Default

    Plan time to grieve. It may not always work but if you make a place for it - schedule specific times for it - it becomes easier to hold it in knowing that it will be OK later. Just DON'T miss the later...

    I hope this helps. My thoughts are with you.

  4. #4
    Once Was Synarch's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    MBTI
    ENTP
    Posts
    8,470

    Default

    I'm very sorry to hear that.

    I agree with WoodsWoman. Give yourself time and space to grieve. Good luck.
    "Create like a god, command like a king, work like a slave."

  5. #5
    Filthy Apes! Kalach's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Posts
    4,318

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by chasingAJ View Post
    I haven't been around in awhile but my cousin and her 4 year old daughter were recently murdered. I have a family full of feelers and S's. They want to be touchy-feely and cry but I can't get in touch with my feelings like that. I know that I have to grieve to move on, so it is something on my list. :-)

    Any suggestions? Is there any way to speed this up or at least make it more predictable? I don't enjoy crying and sitting around doing nothing is driving me crazier. My immediate family needs me to be pulled together but I fear that if I do nothing I will crack when it is most inconvenient. This person was my best friend growing up, we lived together so it was more like losing my sister and niece. To put it in perspective, I actually cried... in front of people... with cameras... who happen to be working for the AP. It's serious but I don't know what to do.
    Remember her and her family. Say who she was. Find someone who can listen to you name her. It may take several sittings, and it's better to avoid summarising too quickly. That's what makes sense to me.
    Bellison uncorked a flood of horrible profanity, which, translated, meant, "This is extremely unusual."

    Boy meets Grr

  6. #6
    Head Pigeon Mad Hatter's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    MBTI
    INTP
    Enneagram
    -1w sp/sx
    Socionics
    IOU Ni
    Posts
    1,028

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by chasingAJ View Post
    I haven't been around in awhile but my cousin and her 4 year old daughter were recently murdered. I have a family full of feelers and S's. They want to be touchy-feely and cry but I can't get in touch with my feelings like that. I know that I have to grieve to move on, so it is something on my list. :-)

    Any suggestions? Is there any way to speed this up or at least make it more predictable?

    I don't enjoy crying and sitting around doing nothing is driving me crazier. My immediate family needs me to be pulled together but I fear that if I do nothing I will crack when it is most inconvenient. This person was my best friend growing up, we lived together so it was more like losing my sister and niece. To put it in perspective, I actually cried... in front of people... with cameras... who happen to be working for the AP. It's serious but I don't know what to do.
    It's a different kind of pain, but pain nontheless. Not very likely you can make it shorter, but maybe a bit easier for you to bear.
    I guess that you have to convince your relatives that you need to have some time on your own. At least that's what I need whenever I'm in great emotional trouble.
    After my grandmother's funeral, the first thing I wanted to do is to get away from the mourners. I didn't want to be impious; it was rather because I simply couldn't tolerate my own grief and so many people around me at the same time (I'm just not comfortable with crowds). And I resented my sister's comment on my crying. Not that I am or was ashamed of it, but really no need in pointing it out.

    Hope that helps. Very sorry to hear that, and all the best to you.

  7. #7
    On a mission Usehername's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    1
    Posts
    3,823

    Default

    I'm sorry.

    I've lost a close cousin to cancer, and another (but not close) cousin to murder... both times I wept. A lot. There is no bypassing the emotions, IMO.

    I recommend clearing your schedule and spending time in a place where you feel safe enough to not need to put up emotional filters. I am not comfortable crying in front of people, so whenever I was getting teary in front of others I'd waste so much energy finding my stoicism that I think I took longer to process my feelings.

    Processing death is physically and mentally exhausting. A few trusted friends to email (I did this immediately) or maybe even talk IRL (I never did this until months after the deaths) help.

    Sidenote: I'm grateful for the way that sharing myself in a time of vulnerability strengthened some of my important relationships. I recommend taking a few risks by sharing more than what is safe (with people you trust and care about, of course).
    *You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body.
    *Faith is the art of holding on to things your reason once accepted, despite your changing moods.
    C.S. Lewis

  8. #8
    Senior Member chasingAJ's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    FIVE
    Posts
    161

    Default Thanks

    Sorry it took me so long to come back and say thank you, I went through this odd phase of really raw/needy/emotional moments that switched to cold and isolating and then flipped again for no apparent reason. I still miss them and when I think about it I can feel the pain (which is a great leap forward as before the pain sort of took me for a ride). I have been in isolation with only my school work as much as possible (got a 4.0 out of it at least).

    I'm re-joining society now and I kinda missed being a voyeur here... it's like intellectual porn.

  9. #9
    Aspiring Troens Ridder KLessard's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    1w2
    Posts
    595

    Default

    Have you read "A Grief observed" by C.S Lewis (INTJ)? I am reading it right now. It's about this totally rational man Lewis who grieves the death of his wife, and struggles with the emotions so badly and struggles with his faith as well. Very interesting.

  10. #10
    Senior Member chasingAJ's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    FIVE
    Posts
    161

    Default

    I'd never heard of that title but I put it into the online catalog at my public library and they have 2 copies, tomorrow it's mine. Thank you!

Similar Threads

  1. [INTJ] INTJ's and Online Dating Sites
    By Misty_Mountain_Rose in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 31
    Last Post: 09-20-2016, 07:02 PM
  2. [INTJ] INTJ's and disregard for authority
    By Cindy in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 21
    Last Post: 08-27-2012, 08:42 PM
  3. [INTJ] INTJ's and Love
    By Erica in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 30
    Last Post: 06-26-2012, 01:51 PM
  4. [INTJ] INTJ Father and Brother -____-
    By Auto/Virtuosi=L.A.P. in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 12
    Last Post: 10-15-2009, 03:13 PM
  5. [INTJ] INTJ's and bushy eyebrows
    By Sling in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 20
    Last Post: 08-22-2008, 08:56 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO