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  1. #11
    Member Bowie's Avatar
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    My friends have learned to come to me for advice and not sympathy/empathy. I'm awful at comforting someone. I have a really good habit of making things worse when I'm just trying to make them feel better.

    For instance - I was a bridesmaid at my friends wedding recently, and she was nervous about tripping and falling...I didn't know how to make her feel better, so I tried to be funny and say, "Yeah! And they'd ALL be looking at you!" Needless to say, that didn't work too well.

    I try to keep my mouth shut, let them rant/cry, and tell them if they need something, to let me know and I'll help in anyway I can. Other than that, I'm just not much help.
    In my defense, I am a terrible person.

  2. #12
    Artisan Conquerer Halla74's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bowie View Post
    My friends have learned to come to me for advice and not sympathy/empathy. I'm awful at comforting someone. I have a really good habit of making things worse when I'm just trying to make them feel better.

    For instance - I was a bridesmaid at my friends wedding recently, and she was nervous about tripping and falling...I didn't know how to make her feel better, so I tried to be funny and say, "Yeah! And they'd ALL be looking at you!" Needless to say, that didn't work too well.

    I try to keep my mouth shut, let them rant/cry, and tell them if they need something, to let me know and I'll help in anyway I can. Other than that, I'm just not much help.
    Oh, this has happened to me too. Ooops.

    Just as bad, someone comes to you for help, you listen, ID the problem, formulate a solution to their problem, then tell them how to fix it, and suddenly:

    THEY ARE MAD AT YOU!

    I always say "You asked me for advice on how to solve your problem, I did it, and now you're mad at me. Why?"

    THE ANSWER:

    "Damn it, I just wanted you to listen!"

    It's hell being a thinker sometimes..but I love it.
    --------------------
    Type Stats:
    MBTI -> (E) 77.14% | (i) 22.86% ; (S) 60% | (n) 40% ; (T) 72.22% | (f) 27.78% ; (P) 51.43% | (j) 48.57%
    BIG 5 -> Extroversion 77% ; Accommodation 60% ; Orderliness 62% ; Emotional Stability 64% ; Open Mindedness 74%

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  3. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by ThatGirl View Post
    NTs

    Have you ever gotten a tad bit self conscious because you didn't know the proper emotional response in a situation, yet the emo just kept coming?
    Yes.

    It eventually comes to a breaking point where I either completely withdraw, or lose my senses and have the emo inappropriately pour out.

  4. #14
    ThatGirl
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    Quote Originally Posted by 93JC View Post
    Yes.

    It eventually comes to a breaking point where I either completely withdraw, or lose my senses and have the emo inappropriately pour out.
    Excellent responses, this one in particular.

    That was exactly the problem. But it was more like in situations where I want to show appropriate emotion, but I didn't know how. So I would think things like, what would other people do in this situation, or what is the appropriate response, but it always feels off. I either get frusterated and withdrawl or end up overly zealous.

    Today though I realized something really fucking cool. Lol, that makws you more akward than just owning your shit and taking chances.

  5. #15
    Senior Member Bamboo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bowie View Post
    My friends have learned to come to me for advice and not sympathy/empathy. I'm awful at comforting someone. I have a really good habit of making things worse when I'm just trying to make them feel better.

    For instance - I was a bridesmaid at my friends wedding recently, and she was nervous about tripping and falling...I didn't know how to make her feel better, so I tried to be funny and say, "Yeah! And they'd ALL be looking at you!" Needless to say, that didn't work too well.

    I try to keep my mouth shut, let them rant/cry, and tell them if they need something, to let me know and I'll help in anyway I can. Other than that, I'm just not much help.
    For what it's worth, I laughed really hard at this.
    Don't know how much it'll bend til it breaks.

  6. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bamboo View Post
    For what it's worth, I laughed really hard at this.
    It actually sounds like something that one of my best friends from high school would say. But she'd say it in such a manner that it would be comforting, so it would be appropriately hilarious.

    I'm pretty sure she's an ENFx though...

  7. #17
    Nerd King Usurper Edgar's Avatar
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    I've noticed that sometimes even when an answer is supported by facts and reason, yet still doesn't feel right, it is best to listen to one's heart.

    For someone who tests at or close to 100% on T, it took me a some regrettable decisions to figure that out. But hey, better late than never.
    Listen to me, baby, you got to understand, you're old enough to learn the makings of a man.

  8. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by ThatGirl View Post
    Today though I realized something really fucking cool. Lol, that makws you more akward than just owning your shit and taking chances.
    Agreed. Having no visible response or an overly zealous response end up much more awkward than your initial 'gut' response, and neither accurately reflect your feelings.

  9. #19
    Senior Member ceecee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Halla74 View Post
    Oh, this has happened to me too. Ooops.

    Just as bad, someone comes to you for help, you listen, ID the problem, formulate a solution to their problem, then tell them how to fix it, and suddenly:

    THEY ARE MAD AT YOU!

    I always say "You asked me for advice on how to solve your problem, I did it, and now you're mad at me. Why?"

    THE ANSWER:

    "Damn it, I just wanted you to listen!"

    It's hell being a thinker sometimes..but I love it.

    and you're left standing there looking like this <----me

    If you wanted an hug/ear/shoulder why didn't you ASK ME FOR ONE??? I'm not a mindreader you goddamn assclown!! I might suck at it but I can try!

    No that this has ever happened to me before or anything.
    I like to rock n' roll all night and *part* of every day. I usually have errands... I can only rock from like 1-3.

  10. #20
    Supreme High Commander Andy's Avatar
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    I can think of one situation in particular that suits this thread. I was out looking for a new room to stay in, and had arranged to meet the land lord. However, he was late, so I was met at the door my one of the tenants. She had a bandage around one leg, so to make conversation while we waited, I asked her how she had hurt herself. This was my mistake, because she hadn't been injured, but was rather dying of m.s, and only had a very limited number of years left to live.

    This social gaff rapidly caused the conversation to go down hill as she was overcome by emotion and collapsed into a sobbing heep. I wonder if there are any Fi/Fe types out there who know what to say inorder to recover such a situation? Certainly I didn't have the faintest clue.

    P.s. I tuck the room.

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