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  1. #1
    Junior Member TheLazyAnarchist's Avatar
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    Default ENTP's - Relationships and Acceptance

    Greetings NT-Rationals, and Typology users in general. Its safe to say I'm very new here, so to help get myself acquainted with the usual's...I decided to bring up an issue for my personal sake, and for premium discussion.

    The Issue being: My (or an) inability to accept potential significant others (or even very close friends) because of the way I think and perceive other people.

    Explanation: Being in my second year of college and being more so extroverted, I get my charge from talking to others/living the social scene. Often times a very suitable woman will enter my life, and the odd time this relationship might grow to something more intimate. Yet time and time again, my intuitive thinking always notices the flaws and potential pitfalls the relationship could experience if progressed any further. Being the type that doesn't act on instinct, I'm also hesitant to express anything positive I may feel about her. Sooner or later she thinks I'm not interested and the opportunity is a mile behind me.

    So ENTP's or other NT's in general. How can I break past analytical bullshit when it comes to relationships, and learn how to express myself when needed. Does anyone else experience this issue?

  2. #2
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    Answer is simple: You need a person who has the same emotional intelligence like you have.
    Never stop getting to know new people and you will find one.

    Captain out
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

  3. #3
    Once Was Synarch's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by TheLazyAnarchist View Post
    Greetings NT-Rationals, and Typology users in general. Its safe to say I'm very new here, so to help get myself acquainted with the usual's...I decided to bring up an issue for my personal sake, and for premium discussion.

    The Issue being: My (or an) inability to accept potential significant others (or even very close friends) because of the way I think and perceive other people.

    Explanation: Being in my second year of college and being more so extroverted, I get my charge from talking to others/living the social scene. Often times a very suitable woman will enter my life, and the odd time this relationship might grow to something more intimate. Yet time and time again, my intuitive thinking always notices the flaws and potential pitfalls the relationship could experience if progressed any further. Being the type that doesn't act on instinct, I'm also hesitant to express anything positive I may feel about her. Sooner or later she thinks I'm not interested and the opportunity is a mile behind me.

    So ENTP's or other NT's in general. How can I break past analytical bullshit when it comes to relationships, and learn how to express myself when needed. Does anyone else experience this issue?
    1. Communicate via writing
    2. Get some friends who can act as your auxiliaries and can translate your special qualities to other people on your behalf.
    3. Just stop over analyzing and jump in the pool.
    "Create like a god, command like a king, work like a slave."

  4. #4
    Head Pigeon Mad Hatter's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by TheLazyAnarchist View Post
    Yet time and time again, my intuitive thinking always notices the flaws and potential pitfalls the relationship could experience if progressed any further.
    Could you speficy that a bit? It's obvious that you notice some sort of conflict, but without knowing where this conflict is for you, it's a bit hard to come up with a reply that might help you.

    Quote Originally Posted by TheLazyAnarchist View Post
    Being the type that doesn't act on instinct, I'm also hesitant to express anything positive I may feel about her.
    Ha! Instrinct isn't meant to be conscious, it's instinct. In that case the instinct not to do something. Again, some explanation would he helpful. Why exactly do you think you don't tell her?

    At first glance, it seems to be some sort of P issue: Fear of closure and restriction. Being the sociable person you are probably makes it even the more difficult for you - having that many options probably makes you question the decisions you've made even more.

  5. #5
    Junior Member TheLazyAnarchist's Avatar
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    Thanks for the immediate responses

    flaws and potential pitfalls the relationship could experience
    This refers to predictions of her traits/my traits/ or a combination of those interfering. For example: The latest girl I have been involved with is extremely smart and playful which are major qualities I look for, yet unfortunately she has a major self confidence issue and rarely can stand up for herself. So what I would imagine is ruthless guilt trips, the inability to be honest to me, situations in which I would have to risk my neck to save her time and time again.

    Why exactly do you think you don't tell her?
    I usually don't tell her in fear of it not turning out the way I imagined - my intuitive nature really takes hold here, and unless I made the most competent actions leading up that point, Its hard to face the possible outcome. Another reason is a lot of the times I'm not sure if my feelings are 100% genuine, and I don't want her to get confused and make irrational assumptions/actions (this relates to my over analyzing). Like Synarch said, I should probably quit this habit soon and jump in the pool.

  6. #6
    Member Liquid and Flammable's Avatar
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    I experienced the same. I met very much girls, but I am really discerning, and so even no relationship starts. At some point I saw so much (possible) problems, that I didn't felt well - and so I lost trust and break it. And of course, if there's no trust, I cannot talk about my feelings. I can force myself to do it, but it's really not easy.

    ENTPs are typical problem-solvers and problem-discoverer. Of course they will concentrate more on problems in a relationship than on positive possibilities. But I think, if we keep this fact in mind, we can overcome it. Seeing possiblities rather than problems is (even objectively) the better way.
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  7. #7
    Senior Member Gerbah's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by TheLazyAnarchist View Post
    How can I break past analytical bullshit when it comes to relationships, and learn how to express myself when needed. Does anyone else experience this issue?
    I experienced that problem during the early stages of getting to know my now ENTP husband. I would say, just take the risk of expressing feelings. You don't have to express something huge or really deep, but simply showing some attention, e.g. sincere appreciation of the girl and interest and curiosity in her and what her feelings are, will keep it going. It doesn't mean you've committed yourself to anything with her. You can still leave if a real problem comes up.

    Being a woman who's been on the receiving end of an ENTP over-analysing I can tell you that how it made me feel was like he was only thinking about his own interests and issues and whether or not I would be good for him and his life. It came across as very selfish and business-like because he didn't show any feelings or relate to what I was feeling.

    That really turned me off and I said early on, this will never work, just when (he told me later) he was getting more interested. When he thought he would lose the opportunity, all these feelings came out and he showed a very caring side I hadn't seen before. That got me interested again and we're now very happily married

    Apart from that, welcome to the board and hopefully it will be of help to you.

  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by Avis View Post
    Could you speficy that a bit? It's obvious that you notice some sort of conflict, but without knowing where this conflict is for you, it's a bit hard to come up with a reply that might help you.



    Ha! Instrinct isn't meant to be conscious, it's instinct. In that case the instinct not to do something. Again, some explanation would he helpful. Why exactly do you think you don't tell her?

    At first glance, it seems to be some sort of P issue: Fear of closure and restriction. Being the sociable person you are probably makes it even the more difficult for you - having that many options probably makes you question the decisions you've made even more.
    I love this post. I have always been attracted to INFx for this very reason. I am an ENTP and I have been in a committed relationship with one and it is the best thing ever.

    To the Threadstarter:

    We need more information to give you better advice. What is your dating history like? Have you dated in the past or been in committed relationships? Were they terrible? My gut instinct tells me that you're really just making excuses for the fact that you're worried about messing up and/or not living up to your own expectations.

  9. #9
    Junior Member TheLazyAnarchist's Avatar
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    Seeing possiblities rather than problems is (even objectively) the better way.
    I can see why that is true. Unfortunately, im not the one for taking responsibility for any issues that aren't mine, which might make the process a bit harder. Though I'm going to have to do it, you make a solid point.

    Being a woman who's been on the receiving end of an ENTP over-analysing I can tell you that how it made me feel was like he was only thinking about his own interests and issues and whether or not I would be good for him and his life. It came across as very selfish and business-like because he didn't show any feelings or relate to what I was feeling.
    Its good to see what Ive been doing looks like from the outside. I'm going to have to take a third person perspective on this issue, and like you stated, put more time/interest into whats already there. Thanks for the help/welcome

    We need more information to give you better advice. What is your dating history like? Have you dated in the past or been in committed relationships? Were they terrible? My gut instinct tells me that you're really just making excuses for the fact that you're worried about messing up and/or not living up to your own expectations.
    Dating History: Dated 2 girls in highschool - lasted roughly 1-2 months each because of my lack of expression. We had good times, they were very sexual, but a moderate amount of time spent on me and a lack of telling her how I felt ultimately killed them. Yes, they were committed. We both agreed to see each other exclusively. Through most of the deep/intimate moments were spent talking about life/issues/philosophy, and majorly her, rarely me.

    By and large, yes, I am making excuses for myself. Its hard to bring up my two past failures (in my books...commitment wise, and emotionally), which both contribute exponentially to my current thought process regarding relationships. (thanks for pointing that out ). But like what has been stated, time and time again, I have to put more effort into paying attention to them, and If there is any sign of emotional interest (even not if 100% genuine), it should probably be expressed, IF the situation is suitable.

  10. #10
    Senior Member tinkerbell's Avatar
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    Id definately say this is an ENTP issue, the innability to settle - always finding fault... it's not good, I get the imrpession that always think something better will come along.


    I've not found and answer to this, but it does get easier. be careful to keep working at it, because you may go through phases of beign single for a logn while between relationships which then makes the problem bigger.

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