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  1. #11
    Senior Member tinkerbell's Avatar
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    People are human, people are flawed it's bonkers to expect other people to be perfect... they screw up which is a 100% gauranteed, hopefuly harm is not too drastic.

    I work on the principals of deliberate... I avoid people I feel go out to deliberately cause harm to myself or people I care about (or even think they deliverately do it to anyone). I'm not vindictive (it's not really in my nature)... but I chop them right out my life.

    A few years back I met one hell of a poisonous troll who was insanely jelous of me, she started doing harm to people I cared about but played the victim card. She soon tripped herself up in her lies and I've never given her the time of day since, for many months I had weepy phone calls and emails from her... I didn't so much as flinch, she send a very vulnerable INFJ to a really bad place emotionally, and she did it deliberately without so much as a second thought. We must be 3 years on and I'd still not give her the time of day. Extreme case, but mostly I opt for the people are human, they don't actively try and be distructive.

  2. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by Circle View Post
    On one side of the coin, someone can clearly wrong you out of stupidity or ignorance, on the the other side we are all ignorant or stupid in some way and this is likely to effect someone else negatively in the same way. You should not be an enabler for unwanted behavior but it is not fair to punish them considering the bell tolls for each of us.

    How do you respond to someone who has detrimented you in some way because of simply not knowing better?
    The ability to think deeply about the origins of your own thoughts, desires, and actions is metacognition. People seldom use that form of cognition to any great degree. With an understanding of who you are and why you do what you do, in every thought and action, you can then begin to deal appropriately with the outer world. In this world, one must have a knowledge base large enough for them to predict how their actions will effect others. What is the global effect? That is the vital question. Then you must appraise the predicted effects, and determine which course of action is best. This appraisal is determined by your own personal sense of values and morals, determined by how you envision you SHOULD interact with others around you and the world as a whole.

    I'd be surprised if even 5% of the population carries out such a thought process, instead of acting with much less forethought or foresight. And yes, stupid people shit on us all for their stupidity.

  3. #13
    Listening Oaky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Circle View Post
    How do you respond to someone who has detrimented you in some way because of simply not knowing better?
    It's these situations that I sometimes feel I just want to scream. I usually tell them "you're making me suffer for you're choices that could have been avoided otherwise" in which the reply is usually a justification for their actions. Of course that's just the most common response I'd give. I can tell you some of the other different responses I've had but it would take too long. I've experienced this so many times that I can easily write a whole book regarding this one topic.

  4. #14
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    I totally agree, why are there so many phonies in this town that dumb themselves down to
    belong with people who have nothing better to do with their free time than compete and sh
    ow off? Yet, everyone somehow believes that these people are as pure as the driven snow.

  5. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by Circle View Post
    How do you respond to someone who has detrimented you in some way because of simply not knowing better?
    My take is, life is life. There is no way anybody can obtain perfect knowledge of me. Even if they do, there is no guarantee that they will conciously use it to my benefit instead of detriment. People, including myself, work with what we have or can obtain at the moment. Imagination shows me how things might have been different and better. However, one optimistic alternate reality is just as valid as the next pessimistic alternate reality. Besides, who is to impose judgement? From the opposite perspective, it might very well appear as if I've wronged them by being too self-centered, contrary or oblivious to social norms. This is possible, because we can only comprehend each other, to the extent of our similarities, which might be few and far in between.

    Quote Originally Posted by Circle View Post
    Let's say the situation is that they will probably do something similarly detrimental to you in the future.
    Avoidance, but it might sound like a bad idea. I'm sure there are better solutions.

  6. #16
    Occasional Member Evan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Circle View Post
    On one side of the coin, someone can clearly wrong you out of stupidity or ignorance, on the the other side we are all ignorant or stupid in some way and this is likely to effect someone else negatively in the same way. You should not be an enabler for unwanted behavior but it is not fair to punish them considering the bell tolls for each of us.

    How do you respond to someone who has detrimented you in some way because of simply not knowing better?
    Just because we all make mistakes doesn't mean we shouldn't hold someone responsible for their actions.

    If no one negatively reinforced these so called mistakes, there would be no reason they would stop.

    In my mind, there's no reason to get super emotionally reactive about someone else making a mistake. Reinforcing someone by going crazy creates its own set of problems. But it would be irresponsible not to at least have a discussion about the problem. And if the problem can't get resolved and is big enough, self-preservation takes precedence.

  7. #17
    Priestess Of Syrinx Katsuni's Avatar
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    I've found, personally, that yelling at them, or berating them, etc, does nothing. Typical "zomg noob!" comment for online games is an excellent example of this.

    Seriously, calling someone stupid, or a noob, or whotever socially applicable noun/insult works for the situation, does nothing to FIX the problem.

    Rather, state whot went wrong, WHY it wrong, how to fix it, and offer such in an encouraging fashion. If yeu're too terse or upset, they rarely will listen. If yeu offer it as helpful and detailed, most people are able to learn from their mistake once they understand why it was a mistake and how to avoid it in the future.

    If they're in a situation where I may run into again in the future... I'd rather teach them to not suck, so that I don't have to put up with them screwing up something else AGAIN in the future.

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