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  1. #1
    Member Liquid and Flammable's Avatar
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    Default Distance between ENTP and ENTP

    There is a strange situation I am in now.

    I (male) met a girl, in a working situation, and I saw her one time per week. Early I recognized, she is ENTP (broad gestics, talking much about herself, just a few questions to others, sometimes shy, sometimes open, problems with planning of time, trys to compete me, and so on). The first conversation was very cool and unreserved, but even as we saw much similarities, it was nearly impossible to go deeper.

    The more often we meet, the more casual were the conversation. At the last time we couldn't talk anything. I found no starting point. That's strange, has anyone here experienced something like that?

    I can better connect to those, who are unfamiliar to me than to a girl, that is very familiar. Strange. There was another ENTP-girl last year, the same happened. She competes me often, I refused and after some time the conversations don't go deeper. ENTP-males are similar, but not so extreme, it seems that I can connect easier to them (I meet them in job situations, a fundament for talking about aims and plans).

    Well, question is: How to build deeper rapport with ENTPs?

  2. #2
    Senior Member tinkerbell's Avatar
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    forget the competition, and start talkign about interesting subjects....

    Your ENTP women may also be ENFPs... they are very similar in many ways.

    It sounds like they loose interest, hence they simply saunter off again. If you want to hold my attention I need to be kept engaged in something interesting.

  3. #3
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    I might possibly be able to offer some insight as I have almost gone there with an ENTP woman, to the point we were heavily flirting and spending a lot of time together and considering dating each other. But in the end, it didn't work and I called it off. Here is why:

    It was a ton of fun to spend time with her. Our Ne went crazy with one another and we made all sorts of hilarious and intelligent jokes that only the other really, truly got. The neither of us had rules of limits so when we got together we pushed things as far as the other suggested in all walks of life. Activities. Conversations. Yes, sexually too. If one of us made a sexual, flirty reference to the other, the second would immediately try to one-up the first with something even sexier to the point that we were peeling clothes off in thirty seconds.

    Conversation was great too, because we could both make random references to something totally unrelated to the subject we were talking about and the other always knew what we meant. Even if the rest of the world didn't. And it allowed us to engage in a conversation cover farting in church, to politics, to economics, to the way certain genders drive, on and on, in only fifteen minutes. It was very fun and mind stimulating.

    She enjoyed mind stimulation, as did I, so through our dialogue or what we did we could have some very refreshing and enlightening conversations. Or maybe just go to an education museum or something and absorb all there was to absorb or be amazed. Go to a Quentin Tarantino movie and after wards talks about thirteen different themes we each saw in the movie and why we saw them and each go wtf at the insight.

    Our interests were nearly the same, in that we were interested in everything, so we could do almost anything together and be entertained and have fun together.

    This was refreshing in that they are experiences I have not had in other relationships. Quite often going to do something we both wanted to do, have sex when the NF was going through a bad mood swing for two weeks at a time, and have that random and witty conversation with a person who was uninteresting, not stimulating, or wanted to cuddle instead and say cheesy-retarded love things back and forth could be trying.

    But the ultimate failing in the relationship was this: The neither of us could back down.

    If we had an argument about something that ran deep enough into us both it mattered, we would argue until we were blue, not for the sake of solving the problem but only for the sake of being heard and getting our point across to the other so that we could be "right." If we were happy and getting along and talking it could randomly at any moment turn into a barbed half-debate over the smallest things as we would constantly have to one-up the others valuable insight to the argument, to the point we were both frustrated at not winning yet and bitter at the other. This happening enough times could be wearing on the relationship. If it happened with other types, especially feeling types, they would realize what was going on and back down or approach the other in a way that made them feel good about things once again. But neither of us wanted to do that and we became more rivals than partners. I felt no sense of peace with her, as we were constantly and randomly at the knife's edge with the other, and it caused quite a lot of insecurity in the relationship from both sides and made it unhealthy.

    Is that to say it could not work? Nope. It certainly could. I do not want to rain on your parade and make you feel as if things are hopeless. Two well developed, mature, and socially aware ENTPs could very easily have a very healthy and long lasting relationship if they only tone down the bullshit and focus on what makes the relationship awesome. The orgasms and crazy fun times of Ne that happens between the two ENTPs, and the thoughtful, intelligent insights that can happen through Ti makes two ENTPS a dynamic that you will not find from any other type, and a very good dynamic at that. It is a dynamic in which you feel that the person opposite you is the only other person in the entire world that is like you and truly gets you. As long as you can both be mature enough to understand where the weaknesses in the relationship lie and work not to one-up the other, it will work.

  4. #4
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    When I was an ENTP I never experienced this dynamic. ENTPs and I could speak for hours on end for years at a time.

    Then again I realized I was a J, so I guess this post is irrelevant.

  5. #5

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    Quote Originally Posted by Liquid and Flammable View Post
    There is a strange situation I am in now.

    I (male) met a girl, in a working situation, and I saw her one time per week. Early I recognized, she is ENTP (broad gestics, talking much about herself, just a few questions to others, sometimes shy, sometimes open, problems with planning of time, trys to compete me, and so on). The first conversation was very cool and unreserved, but even as we saw much similarities, it was nearly impossible to go deeper.

    The more often we meet, the more casual were the conversation. At the last time we couldn't talk anything. I found no starting point. That's strange, has anyone here experienced something like that?

    I can better connect to those, who are unfamiliar to me than to a girl, that is very familiar. Strange. There was another ENTP-girl last year, the same happened. She competes me often, I refused and after some time the conversations don't go deeper. ENTP-males are similar, but not so extreme, it seems that I can connect easier to them (I meet them in job situations, a fundament for talking about aims and plans).

    Well, question is: How to build deeper rapport with ENTPs?
    She may be an ENFP as was mentioned. The difference can be hard to pick sometimes.

    The other option is you are too similar. Much of our interest comes from seeing something new and different that we don't understand. If she always draws the same conclusions as you or sees things in the same way, you eventually end up in agreement. From there you have little to offer the other except companionship.
    Freude, schöner Götterfunken Tochter aus Elysium, Wir betreten feuertrunken, Himmlische, dein Heiligtum! Deine Zauber binden wieder Was die Mode streng geteilt; Alle Menschen werden Brüder, Wo dein sanfter Flügel weilt.

  6. #6
    Senior Member tinkerbell's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ThatGirl View Post
    When I was an ENTP I never experienced this dynamic. ENTPs and I could speak for hours on end for years at a time.

    Then again I realized I was a J, so I guess this post is irrelevant.
    LOL I'm SO pleased you pointed that out... I spend days chatting with an ENTJ collegue and we hardly draw breath it's such a good chat... I do like to chat with ENTPs too but sometimes the weirdness gets in the way

    L

  7. #7
    Senior Member tinkerbell's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by YoungGun2112 View Post

    But the ultimate failing in the relationship was this: The neither of us could back down.
    .
    Huge shame with this... sounds like it was an awsome connection, if you'd been a bit maturer it may have worked out in a big way

  8. #8
    Member Liquid and Flammable's Avatar
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    Thanks at you all!

    Quote Originally Posted by tinkerbell View Post
    It sounds like they loose interest, hence they simply saunter off again. If you want to hold my attention I need to be kept engaged in something interesting.
    Maybe that's it. The conversation breaks early, themes I put in had not the effect I wished they would do. What about you? When your interest is gone, what can take it back?

    The idea with the ENFP is interesting. I often thought about being an ENFP for myself. I thought, my feeling approach to life was just the active Fe. Maybe I'm wrong. But I would definitely say, she is T. She is really competitive, in working situations, where we worked together she tried to lead it and was sometimes a little bit ruthless. I don't see any searching for harmony NFs typically have. But: Is there a good test, I can set?

    @YoungGun:
    Thanks for the story, it's good to imagine, how it can work, and how it should work.

    In working situations she sometimes seems reserved, the contact to the work-mates is small and reduced to work-situations. In the pauses she's just reading something, but really gets active, if someone is talking to her. I know this from my own situation, some months ago. How can I interprete it?

    There's an fact, which could be important to know more about possible reactions: My own role in the group is the funny, warm, talkative and open-minded guy. Attention from others are there. How is the reaction of a female ENTP, when a male ENTP has more influence? Adoration or antipathy? Offensiveness oder defensiveness?

    And is there any strategy to open the contact again? Maybe strange idea: What about telling her the interest directly? And another strange idea: What about telling her about herself, about the situation, that ENTPs sometimes gets very introverted and reserved in group situations?

    Bah, too much questions

  9. #9
    Senior Member tinkerbell's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Liquid and Flammable View Post
    Thanks at you all!



    Maybe that's it. The conversation breaks early, themes I put in had not the effect I wished they would do. What about you? When your interest is gone, what can take it back?

    The idea with the ENFP is interesting. I often thought about being an ENFP for myself. I thought, my feeling approach to life was just the active Fe. Maybe I'm wrong. But I would definitely say, she is T. She is really competitive, in working situations, where we worked together she tried to lead it and was sometimes a little bit ruthless. I don't see any searching for harmony NFs typically have. But: Is there a good test, I can set?
    :
    For me keeping topics fresh is about beign genuiney interested in something, I don't like oober geeky things, but interesting enough to hold my attention. I usually have a few subjects of itnerest going on at once. Right now I'm into Visual literacy and semiotics (although the latter isn't doing it for me right now), slow cooking, and thinking about thinking, the art of thought and what/how it all happens.

    As for ENFP - the one I used to work with is nuts about being competivite, and can be a little ruthless. The key test I think is to figure out if end decisions are made with feeling or thought... talk to her about how previous relationships have finished... T types wont stay in a relationship they don't see ending in marraige/commitment. F types seem to ahve bigger issues about spliting up. I really do think the differenece between ENTP/FP is that last bit of decision making, F's use the heart T's use the head

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by Liquid and Flammable View Post
    There is a strange situation I am in now.

    I (male) met a girl, in a working situation, and I saw her one time per week. Early I recognized, she is ENTP (broad gestics, talking much about herself, just a few questions to others, sometimes shy, sometimes open, problems with planning of time, trys to compete me, and so on). The first conversation was very cool and unreserved, but even as we saw much similarities, it was nearly impossible to go deeper.

    The more often we meet, the more casual were the conversation. At the last time we couldn't talk anything. I found no starting point. That's strange, has anyone here experienced something like that?

    I can better connect to those, who are unfamiliar to me than to a girl, that is very familiar. Strange. There was another ENTP-girl last year, the same happened. She competes me often, I refused and after some time the conversations don't go deeper. ENTP-males are similar, but not so extreme, it seems that I can connect easier to them (I meet them in job situations, a fundament for talking about aims and plans).

    Well, question is: How to build deeper rapport with ENTPs?
    INTxs are viewed as wild-hairs and treated as such, although they provide the technical backbone for corporate enterprises.

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