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  1. #31
    Senior Member King sns's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by spamtar View Post
    This observation is often true :blushing:

    ...but cant we just party on? Whats the big deal with "labels" as long as we act in accordance?
    My question is, if you plan on following the label, then what's the big scary thing about throwing the label on??

    Its like I told him.
    A breakup is a breakup, whether there was a label or not.
    I think a labelled breakup would be even easier.
    We're going to go through the same emotions when things end, except if we weren't together, well then its just messier.
    I don't get the big fright here.

  2. #32
    Senior Member King sns's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by g_vartan View Post

    i think the intp excuse of "being scared" is a lame one. heck, as the other party, i'm *really* scared too but i don't let it prevent me from pursuing it (esp. when i feel that i'm falling for him, and i can sense he is as well for me through his subtle actions). i second cafe's comment. some of these guys need to be a 'big boy' and just man up....
    Yea. totally agreed. "Being scared" is a sorry excuse for any emotional set back. I can understand the feeling of being scared, but when you think about it, what's the big friggen deal? What a cop out.

    and as non-feeler as this sounds, feelings pass. They take major major blows at times, but they still pass. There's no reason to be scared of them. They can't harm a strong person.

  3. #33
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    And they can commit if they want to. My husband had decided that he definitely wanted to get married at some point and that college was probably going to be his best chance to meet the kind of person he wanted, so he asked me to marry him a couple of months after we met and married me about six months later.

    It's not that there was never any uncertainty or that he likes closure, but he is a fair and honorable person, so he wouldn't ask of me what he is not willing to give in return.

    It's not like commitment isn't risky for both parties.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  4. #34
    Emerging Tallulah's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by shortnsweet View Post
    Yea. totally agreed. "Being scared" is a sorry excuse for any emotional set back. I can understand the feeling of being scared, but when you think about it, what's the big friggen deal? What a cop out.

    and as non-feeler as this sounds, feelings pass. They take major major blows at times, but they still pass. There's no reason to be scared of them. They can't harm a strong person.
    I can't speak for all INTPs, but I suspect it's something like this: We don't realize that it's scary for everyone. We think that "feelings" are something that other people have and are comfortable with, and can err on the side of assuming that if you're expressing it, it probably comes naturally to you, and is easy for you. We also assume that it's a language we don't speak very well--kind of like you're fluent in it, and we've learned to read enough individual words to make sure we don't get lost in a bad part of town, but we don't really speak it. We are also terrified of making big fools of ourselves. We're confident in being smart and knowing stuff about our area of expertise. It is a very rare INTP that feels like relationship things are his/her area of expertise. A lot of the time, an INTP (if they really like you) will make excuses until they feel safe. Then watch out, b/c then the gushy start comes out.
    Something Witty

  5. #35
    Senior Member King sns's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tallulah View Post
    I can't speak for all INTPs, but I suspect it's something like this: We don't realize that it's scary for everyone. We think that "feelings" are something that other people have and are comfortable with, and can err on the side of assuming that if you're expressing it, it probably comes naturally to you, and is easy for you. We also assume that it's a language we don't speak very well--kind of like you're fluent in it, and we've learned to read enough individual words to make sure we don't get lost in a bad part of town, but we don't really speak it. We are also terrified of making big fools of ourselves. We're confident in being smart and knowing stuff about our area of expertise. It is a very rare INTP that feels like relationship things are his/her area of expertise. A lot of the time, an INTP (if they really like you) will make excuses until they feel safe. Then watch out, b/c then the gushy start comes out.
    Yea, that totally sounds like him. Sometimes he'll say something like, "I would say something but i'm afraid it will sound creepy." or, "I'm so awkward, i'm sorry." (Which is awkward in itself and to an SFP its like ) Or "I'm afraid i'm too overbearing." Its like he's so aware that he has no idea how to handle this that he's constantly guaging how he's doing and pointing out how incompetent he is at it. The thing is, he's had relationships before.

    Who were these girls? They were terrible at training people. Or he must have been EXTREMELY weird before this. Or maybe the girls he's dated were weird. Or something!!

    I just don't get this.

    I spose we're probably just being stereotypical of our types.

  6. #36
    Emerging Tallulah's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by shortnsweet View Post
    Yea, that totally sounds like him. Sometimes he'll say something like, "I would say something but i'm afraid it will sound creepy." or, "I'm so awkward, i'm sorry." (Which is awkward in itself and to an SFP its like ) Or "I'm afraid i'm too overbearing." Its like he's so aware that he has no idea how to handle this that he's constantly guaging how he's doing and pointing out how incompetent he is at it. The thing is, he's had relationships before.

    Who were these girls? They were terrible at training people. Or he must have been EXTREMELY weird before this. Or maybe the girls he's dated were weird. Or something!!

    I just don't get this.

    I spose we're probably just being stereotypical of our types.
    LOLOL! Probably all three. Or they just dealt with it until he was comfortable enough to relax and act like himself. He's used to being in his head, and this stuff is pulling him out of his head and making him hyper-aware of everything he does. And he's unsure of his ability to gauge what's normal and what's weird. INTPs do kind of need someone that's both socially skillful and very patient. We are weird.
    Something Witty

  7. #37
    Senior Member Lurker's Avatar
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    Wow! This thread really resonates with me.

    Damn.

  8. #38
    Senior Member Shimmy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by shortnsweet View Post
    Yea, that totally sounds like him. Sometimes he'll say something like, "I would say something but i'm afraid it will sound creepy." or, "I'm so awkward, i'm sorry." (Which is awkward in itself and to an SFP its like ) Or "I'm afraid i'm too overbearing." Its like he's so aware that he has no idea how to handle this that he's constantly guaging how he's doing and pointing out how incompetent he is at it. The thing is, he's had relationships before.

    Who were these girls? They were terrible at training people. Or he must have been EXTREMELY weird before this. Or maybe the girls he's dated were weird. Or something!!

    I just don't get this.

    I spose we're probably just being stereotypical of our types.


    I sometimes say those things as well.

    As for the training part of your post, we're about as trainable as cats. You can potty train us but that's about it.
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  9. #39
    Senior Member groovejet02's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cafe View Post

    It's not that there was never any uncertainty or that he likes closure, but he is a fair and honorable person, so he wouldn't ask of me what he is not willing to give in return.
    This resonates with how I am when in love. Yes, I tend to analyse and over-analyse the relationship. And sometimes I don't feel so loving. But at the end of the day, I ask myself what do I want out of the relationship, how can I be better, where it's heading. I outline my commitments, my plans and worries of potential pitfall of the relationship and communicate them with my SO. And then I commit and give my all to the relationship. This is where the famous INTP loyalty comes in.

    I suspect that INTPs who are fickle in relationships are the immature types.

  10. #40
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    Quote Originally Posted by shortnsweet View Post
    Nah, I've found the opposite to be true. INTP relationships: Long, bitter and helpless.
    Ouch, that's even worse X_X.

    As far as clingyness goes and all the stuff you've mentioned, I've learned to consciously avoid going there as much as possible. Avoiding infatuation is the key. Nowadays I prefer things to be nice and balanced without the extreme high of infatuation that come tumbling down later on and really breed unhealthy relationships. And that's when you start coming across women who actually like that sort of behavior and are put off if you don't express it, so at the end of the day the INTP still loses :P .

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