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Thread: INTJ's and Love

  1. #1
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    Default INTJ's and Love

    Do INTJ men say I love you to women who are JUST friends? My Intj guy friend and I got in a big fight over something fairly silly which involved another girl he had relations with. He got really upset about the whole thing and how I perceived him based on what I found out. We were emailing back and forth when one of his emails came back saying "I love you and you have always been a good friend in the past....." The weird part is that he italicized the I love you in the email to make sure to emphasize it. He spent the whole email saying he cared what I thought of him. He has never said something like that before and we aren't the type of friends to drop meaningless words. I don't know if I should acknowledge the I love you or not. It puts me in a weird position. Do INTJ men say I love you to close friends or is this something more? We have been friends for years now and there has been some tension on and off, but I thought we were jsut friends.

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    Une Femme est une femme paperoceans's Avatar
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    No.
    Between that cigarillo and sticking my finger down my throat to see if I could DT, I feel like puking RN.

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    Senior Member Gewitter27's Avatar
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    INTJs are like INTPs in that they say what they mean.
    I 96% N 93% T 75% P 63% 5w4 sp/sx/so ILI
    Ti>Ne>Te>Ni>Si>Fi>Se>Fe
    I'm interested in what you percieve me to be. Johari/Nohari

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    Ghost Monkey Soul Vizconde's Avatar
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    However if you misinterpret it thats your fault.

    Nevertheless in this instance....he probably thinks he loves you or is extremely fond of you.
    I redact everything I have written or will write on this forum prior to, subsequent with and or after the fact of its writing. For entertainment purposes only and not to be taken seriously nor literally.

    Quote Originally Posted by Edgar View Post
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    Ok fair enough. That is the vibe I get since he has never ever said anything like this before. It is strange to me to just throw it out there in the middle of his fight for my friendship. Why would he just slip it in there? Why wouldn't he say it in a better way if he likes me as more than friends? I mean this is the worst possible way to tell someone that information. Why wouldn't he tell me sooner? Why has he dated my friends all the while still being close friends with me? I don't get any of it.

  6. #6
    Filthy Apes! Kalach's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Erica View Post
    Ok fair enough. That is the vibe I get since he has never ever said anything like this before. It is strange to me to just throw it out there in the middle of his fight for my friendship. Why would he just slip it in there? Why wouldn't he say it in a better way if he likes me as more than friends? I mean this is the worst possible way to tell someone that information. Why wouldn't he tell me sooner? Why has he dated my friends all the while still being close friends with me? I don't get any of it.
    Ahem... hmmm...

    No, I got nothing. This is an INTJ you're talking about.


    Fi is the relief function. To make things seem better or feel right, an INTJ will sometimes blurt out feeling statements. It gets more pronounced as they age. It's supposed to provide renewal and energy in that the other person gets comfortable or flattered or happy and everyone is on the same page about feelings and therefore the foundation of everything that happens next is trustworthy. It works best on people who appreciate that kind of gawky, awkward, sentimental crap and can get an idea of what it really means and work with it. Which is to say, it doesn't work very well on ENTJs. (And, surprisingly enough, INTJs seem to know this intuitively, but without knowing why, and frequently without paying attention to it. The whole "will it work" thing falls apart with "I love you" statements.)

    INTJs do that kind of thing more when they're drunk and writing emails, or when they're so fed up with not knowing what foundation applies for the next move that they'll just step up and try to say what's true.
    Bellison uncorked a flood of horrible profanity, which, translated, meant, "This is extremely unusual."

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    Kalach first thanks for your input, but I am slightly confused by your response. Do you think he said it just to smooth the waters? Or is it because he is trying to smooth the waters but can't help but blurt out what he feels?

    It's not necessarily that those sentiments don't work with Entjs but that we look for authenticity from square one and we have high expectations. Throwing out an I love you as your walking by isn't enough; you have to shout it from the top of a mountain to get our attention enough to let our own guard down.

    I think I'm going to ignore it... but why the hell did he have to italicize it. That's what makes me feel like I need to acknowledge it in some way.

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    Ghost Monkey Soul Vizconde's Avatar
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    ^ yup with what Kalach said .
    Their expression of Fi can be inartful yet if it seems awkward it is most likely genuine.
    I would advise you to simply take it as a complement and continue on for awhile on autopilot friendship. Most likely he will appreciate this and reward you in little ways for the consideration.
    Trust me, when you look back compare it to slick but ingenious declarations...you will see it much more fondly in retrospect.

    P.S. the good thing is that you don't have to acknowlege it. He broke the rules and he knows it. Nevertheless it can be handy to be able to look into someones heart without needing to acknowlege it, and with impunity.
    I redact everything I have written or will write on this forum prior to, subsequent with and or after the fact of its writing. For entertainment purposes only and not to be taken seriously nor literally.

    Quote Originally Posted by Edgar View Post
    Spamtar - a strange combination of boorish drunkeness and erudite discussions, or what I call "an Irish academic"

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    Filthy Apes! Kalach's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Erica View Post
    Kalach first thanks for your input, but I am slightly confused by your response. Do you think he said it just to smooth the waters? Or is it because he is trying to smooth the waters but can't help but blurt out what he feels?
    An INTJ?

    He's not a feeler. His attention isn't focused on developing and understanding subtleties of feeling. And it surely isn't focused on subtleties of expression. He could produce a poem, or a candlelit dinner, or a walk in the park with a flowery speech, but he won't because he doesn't trust or understand his feeling well enough to handle complex expressions without help. That is, he won't try big flowery displays nor complex expressions because he won't find them authentic. It's not that the feeling isn't there, it's that he doesn't know much about the details of expressing it clearly. Same for any TJ, you included, right? Especially if the TJ is supposed to initiate the display.

    So, you know what you need and he can't do it very well, and he knows what he needs and you can't do it very well for him. It's going to be a blast!


    Or to put it in really simple terms, obviously he italicized the phrase to emphasize it, and he did it because emphasized text counts as one of the few things he knows he can do to express the depth of his feeling. He can italicize text! It's a beautiful thing. Don't you agree?

    But what is the depth and breadth of his feeling? Who knows. But making a feeling statement is committing to a path. He's coming out of the closet as an ENTJ admirer. And just as he has hung you out to dry on the question of "What is this feeling really?", so too are you hanging him out to dry on the question of "What is *your* feeling?" He won't know. You won't know. Happiness awaits.
    Bellison uncorked a flood of horrible profanity, which, translated, meant, "This is extremely unusual."

    Boy meets Grr

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    Haha. Ok point taken. I just don't know how we got to this position. I know he was initially interested when we first met at work, because he would flirt and make comments. Then we started to get closer and closer from there. It seems like the closer we got the further he seemed emotionally in some ways. I guess I do/did expect too much. Sometimes I think men are scared of confronting entjs.... maybe this is his backwards door way of doing it. But he picked a strange time to do it.

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