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Thread: INTJ's and Love

  1. #21
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    If he does in fact "love me" then why would he do the following from an Intj standpoint:

    - talk to me about dating my girlfriends/ date my girlfriends while liking me
    - talk to me about other short relationships he has been in while in them
    - in college when playing a stupid game with friends where we had to kiss did he get all weird and say.. that would be like kissing my sister

    Why didn't he just stick his neck out like he did with the other girls? Is it because there is more invested?

    We have a weird history where we actually starting talking when he had a girlfriend. But he initiated the conversations big time in the beginning and I got the vibe that he was interested. The lines kind of gets fuzzy from there b/c we worked together(he was my boss at first) and started hanging out with the same group of people.

    I get vibes on and off that he likes me, but then I see what he has done to other girls he is interested in and I contradict myself. He treats me completely different than them.

  2. #22
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    We are early 20's.

    I do love him back for the record.

  3. #23
    Filthy Apes! Kalach's Avatar
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    "Dude, let's just be friends, okay? I mean, WTF with all the striving and struggling, right? We're not playing each other, are we?"

    Which might well clear the air, because he does sound like a dick.


    Oh, just saw your last post. If he were 30s and acting like that, I'd say dick. If 20s, then perhaps I shall err on the side of pleasantry and say "merely awkward". And kind of a dick, too.

    But I mean "dick" in the nicest possible way. It doesn't really seem like he should be allowed to get away with asserting too much moral distress in his feeling comments. Yeah, maybe he doesn't know much about feeling and whatnot, but there is something to what Monkey Grass mentioned back up above. (I don't want there to be too much to it, but there is something to the idea that INTJs sometimes make true feeling claims as a kind of trump card against other people.)


    And I'm sorry for calling him a dick.
    Bellison uncorked a flood of horrible profanity, which, translated, meant, "This is extremely unusual."

    Boy meets Grr

  4. #24
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kalach View Post
    Man, that's complex.

    Well, all I can say is, he's expecting you to know what it means when he makes a feeling statement. No one's gonna know how to handle this without an NFP bodyguard.
    You rang?


    Quote Originally Posted by Erica View Post
    What you all are saying makes sense. I will probably regret this later but here is his entire email in context.

    If you want to talk about this then we can, if you don't that's fine. I love you Erica and you have always been a good friend in the past, but if you insist on telling me that I used someone, when you aren't even fully aware of what went on....if you really think that little of me.....and refuse to accept anything I say....then it really hurts my feelings and would prefer to not be your friend at all. I hope that does not happen, but if it does then there is nothing I can do about it. I have already tried to explain that both Amber and I had talked about all of this before it happened. I in no way used her and to think that you would say that to me makes me want to cry. When i try to defend myself you say I am only doing it to keep anyone else from knowing.......if you really want to then tell anyone you want, that is not what this is about and I think you know that. My main concern is what YOU are thinking about me, not them. I do not like you or anyone else thinking that I would ever use a girl. That's what hurts the most to me. With all the conversations I have had with you about women, you of all people should know that's not true.

    I just felt like you all needed the full picture.. at least some of it. This was copy/paste.

    I hide my feelings well or try to; I don't know why it never occured to me that other NTJ's especially men would want to do the same thing. So what does it take for a girl to coerce them out?
    I'm no INTJ but here are my two cents:

    Erica, this guy thinks the world of you. Quite literally. He highly respects you. And, it cuts him deep to see that you don't seem to have the same respect and trust for him that he has for you (or so he sees it). He's in full Fi-explanation mode. Showing authenticity, sincerity, pleading from an emotional pov, the works. He's genuine when he says he 'loves' you. It is not clear from this context if he means the big L (he could), but I'd say that in this situation that's not what he's trying to convey though it could be a factor. He's trying to convey to you that you're closer to him than most others ever get. That he feels connected with you in that Fi way (which is also possible in a platonic way, but often a great foundation for a relationship). He's let you in, into his soul. That's..special, believe it or not. Especially with these guys, as they usually don't have a need for peopel that much. However, when they find a connection like that, it is my experience that they treasure it greatly. You have a very very loyal friend who's hurt that you could ever think ill of him. The one thing he needs most now is that you acknowledge his sentiments, that you show you understand and believe him. Show him the same sincerity and, if you can, the same sentiment that he's shown you and choose your words carefully. He's let you into his Fi-china cabinet. Don't be an elephant. Trust me, they're worth it.

    Edit: if you do like him that way, chances are there is very much a fertile base for a relationship to grow here. Start, as I said before, with giving him the same sentiments and stating that you do believe and trust him. Then, since you're the E, show some warmth and more interest in hanging out with him. Have fun together.Get into deep topics, allowing you both to show to each other what's important to you, show your vulnerability, just a little (I know, this is hard for NTJs, but it creates an incredible connection and if you do trust him fully you have nothing to be afraid of, and might encourage him to do the same) Don't overanalyse what is happening, don't rush anything, just enjoy the moment and let that connection you have grow deeper. Normally, you'll automatically get more comfortable hugging and touching as you proceed, starting off with a simple shoulder slap, and moving on to tickling and hugging. From there on, let Nature take it's course
    ★ڿڰۣ✿ℒoѵℯ✿ڿڰۣ★





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  5. #25
    Ghost Monkey Soul Vizconde's Avatar
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    ^+1
    I redact everything I have written or will write on this forum prior to, subsequent with and or after the fact of its writing. For entertainment purposes only and not to be taken seriously nor literally.

    Quote Originally Posted by Edgar View Post
    Spamtar - a strange combination of boorish drunkeness and erudite discussions, or what I call "an Irish academic"

  6. #26
    triple nerd score poppy's Avatar
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    What Amargith said
    "There's no need to be embarrassed about it, Mr. Spock. It happens to the birds and the bees!"

  7. #27
    Senior Member Misty_Mountain_Rose's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by poppy View Post
    What Amargith said
    Yup. She nailed it.
    Embrace the possibilities.

  8. #28
    Filthy Apes! Kalach's Avatar
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    Except for the part about where an ENTJ has to be an FP, yep, what Amargith said is cool.

    But, doom! Doom, I say! In INTJ/ENTJ relationships, it's the ENTJ who is in the exposed position. Although the INTJ has a tough time getting the feelings out there in the first place, he still has room to maneuver in ways the ENTJ doesn't. Because ENTJs are big fat sappy idiots for love and even though both sides do a lot of calculating, the INTJ is pretty much stuck with calculating the most and it undermines the ENTJ because they don't seem to be able to view feelings as alterable or addressable. Actions are chosen, feelings are just those things that make you despise the way you live.

    Doom! Intuition tells you so.
    Bellison uncorked a flood of horrible profanity, which, translated, meant, "This is extremely unusual."

    Boy meets Grr

  9. #29
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    I never said it was easy
    And, coz they're both NTJ, it doesn't have to be much..just a little hint of warmth here and there, a little touch, a little bodylanguage on occasion. Afterall, he likes her for who she is..let's not change that. It's just a few tips to get things to progress and see if there's another level possible.
    ★ڿڰۣ✿ℒoѵℯ✿ڿڰۣ★





    "Harm none, do as ye will”

  10. #30
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    They are very straightforward in what they say...I suggest you ask him to clarify if you are unsure of how to take it...he will tell you

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