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  1. #51
    Senior Member BlahBlahNounBlah's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by tinkerbell View Post
    The whole victim mentality... when she was the perpetrator...

    I always find this funny. If it's a close friend, I can find some sympathy, but from anyone else it's ridiculous and I'll say so.
    I have a vagina.


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  2. #52
    Priestess Of Syrinx Katsuni's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by tinkerbell View Post
    Can I ask NT's if you can see the upset person is the victim of their own self undoing.... would you be empathetic or helpful.... aka the last one is to actually point out that they caused the issue.

    A few occations..... IRL example I experienced...
    Lass gets dumped by a man who she wanted to have a friendship with but didn't want to go out with/sleep with.

    I was LIVID with her, she was givign it the whole WOE is me crap, she had behaved appaulingly to him, he has been genuinely amazing to her, wanted to go out with her, treated her well etc, and she didn't fancy him one bit... and just strung him on... then got super upset when he left her too it.

    I did actually point out that she had behaved appaulingly to him.

    The whole victim mentality... when she was the perpetrator...
    I would've been more blunt to be honest. I would've explained it very clearly whot was done so she didn't do that crap again. It's rude and asinine to play with people's hearts. I would have no sympathy for her at all, and would probably refuse to speak with her past that point, excepting to chastise her frequently.

    As for the basic question in the original thread itself...

    It depends.

    If it's genuine yes it can touch me deeply. Unless I'm either in a thinking mood, in which case I probably will look at it too logically to care, or if I'm in an aggressive mood, in which case I'll refuse to accept being affected by it simply out of spite, even if such isn't deserving of such a reaction.

    Such things as emotions are based entirely upon the mood I find, moreso than the context of the situation itself, or even the actual stuff that happens. How people react in general tends to be like that though; emotions are not logical, they don't really make sense alot of the time. Yeu can explain WHY they occur, but yeu can't really control them despite having that knowledge I find... or at least for me personally that's the case.

    Even if I *KNOW* I'm being depressed over something that's really stupid and doesn't have any valid reason to be depressed over, it doesn't seem to help any oddly. Weird how that works, really.

  3. #53
    Senior Member InfiniteIntrigue's Avatar
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    It can. My new roommate is a sincere person (so far) and when she was upset, I was much more inclined to help her than my old roommate. Who was incredibly fake.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

    "Fools who wear their hearts proudly on their sleeves,
    who cannot control their emotions, who wallow in sad
    memories and allow themselves to be provoked this
    easily -- weak people, in other words -- they stand no chance."
    -Severus Snape

  4. #54
    Une Femme est une femme paperoceans's Avatar
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    Nope.
    Between that cigarillo and sticking my finger down my throat to see if I could DT, I feel like puking RN.

    Read my Blog.

  5. #55
    Is Willard in Footloose!! CJ99's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by tinkerbell View Post
    Can I ask NT's if you can see the upset person is the victim of their own self undoing.... would you be empathetic or helpful.... aka the last one is to actually point out that they caused the issue.

    A few occations..... IRL example I experienced...
    Lass gets dumped by a man who she wanted to have a friendship with but didn't want to go out with/sleep with.

    I was LIVID with her, she was givign it the whole WOE is me crap, she had behaved appaulingly to him, he has been genuinely amazing to her, wanted to go out with her, treated her well etc, and she didn't fancy him one bit... and just strung him on... then got super upset when he left her too it.

    I did actually point out that she had behaved appaulingly to him.

    The whole victim mentality... when she was the perpetrator...
    Thats it Tink. If I sense even the slightest bit of self pity or victim mentality ect then I back off.

    Maybe this is a personal thing rather than a type thing but It really annoys me when people come to me with self pity. Probably because I don't understand the concept of letting your emotions get affect you in such negative ways. It just annoys the heel out of me and really makes me angry.

    Its what annoys me about my ESFJ mum and at times my INFP.

    If I think you have been genuinely fucked over then I'll swear revenge for you but If I think you are doing the whole "waa how bad is my life pity me" act then I'll just walk away.

    Admittedly Its not always easy to tell the difference at times. Then I just back away and shup up If I don't know.
    "I'd never die for my beliefs, I might be wrong"

    "Is it not enough to see that a garden is beautiful without having to believe there are fairys at the bottom of it too"

    "Intelligence is being able to hold too opposing views in the mind at the one time without going crazy" - Now all I need to figure out is if I'm intelligent or crazy!

  6. #56
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    Quote Originally Posted by tinkerbell View Post
    Can I ask NT's if you can see the upset person is the victim of their own self undoing.... would you be empathetic or helpful.... aka the last one is to actually point out that they caused the issue.

    A few occations..... IRL example I experienced...
    Lass gets dumped by a man who she wanted to have a friendship with but didn't want to go out with/sleep with.

    I was LIVID with her, she was givign it the whole WOE is me crap, she had behaved appaulingly to him, he has been genuinely amazing to her, wanted to go out with her, treated her well etc, and she didn't fancy him one bit... and just strung him on... then got super upset when he left her too it.

    I did actually point out that she had behaved appaulingly to him.

    The whole victim mentality... when she was the perpetrator...
    I used to be very free in pointing out when anyone (seriously, anyone) was playing a victim or perpetuating their problems with bad behavior of their own. And I thought I was being helpful at the time lol. Didn't work out so well in many cases. Now I generally limit my observations to people that I think are receptive to it and actually want to know.

  7. #57
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    Quote Originally Posted by Litvyak View Post
    What do you consider "bad behavior"? Does antisocial behavior caused by a more or less serious problem apply?
    It really depends on the exact situation. If I know someone that has had very bad things happen to them as a child, I do give some leniency because I am aware that they might not know what normal is. But even then, it really depends on all the variables and what I see as logical. If they are consistently doing irrational, unexplainable things and using their past as an excuse? Probably not going to get a lot of sympathy from me.

    My brother and I didn't have the best childhood. We both have had more than a few struggles in figuring out normal interactions in day to day life. However, he uses people and when called out will blame our childhood or parents. I think he is full of shit. He will borrow money from people to avoid getting evicted and play a sob story about not making enough money or getting enough hours at work --- then next week he will have a new $500 ipod. He uses our childhood as an excuse every single time he is called out on something, I refuse to "help" him anymore.

  8. #58
    Black Magic Buzzard Kra's Avatar
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    Sincere kindness does not render me defenseless. But it will, nonetheless, make progress in getting somewhat closer to me.
    Function Activity:
    Ni > Te > Ti = Fi > Ne > Si = Fe > Se

  9. #59
    Is Willard in Footloose!! CJ99's Avatar
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    sinsere kindness scares me because it doesn't make sense!

    If some one is kind as a way of getting a favour I can understand it but just because they want to!!!!!
    "I'd never die for my beliefs, I might be wrong"

    "Is it not enough to see that a garden is beautiful without having to believe there are fairys at the bottom of it too"

    "Intelligence is being able to hold too opposing views in the mind at the one time without going crazy" - Now all I need to figure out is if I'm intelligent or crazy!

  10. #60
    78% me Eruca's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PinkPiranha View Post
    Right after my sister got out of the hospital, she was waiting at the front of the building for my dad to bring the car around because she was too weak to walk across the parking lot. She noticed a very sad-looking older lady standing near her who was also waiting for someone to come pick her up.

    Jaye smiled at her a little because she said the lady looked so forlorn and sad. The lady smiled back and said something cavalier, remarked what pretty roses Jaye had in her arms, but Jaye asked why she was there, and the lady said that her husband had cancer from the job he worked for decades and was in a coma. She was leaving to go home and sleep after along vigil and her brother-in-law was arriving to take the next bed-side shift.

    Jaye, after fighting for her own life, felt so sorry and sad for that lady - she wanted to hug her, but decided not to because Jaye said "I needed a bath" - but she gave the lady her roses. The lady looked astonished, then started to cry a little. Jaye found out that the lady's husband was in the hospital room occupied by me only a week before.

    "We'll pray for you," Jaye said. "We'll pray for you and your husband."

    When she got home, she was so distressed for that lady that I suggested we send flowers to his room with a card that read "From the girl with the roses... I didn't forget."

    I know what it would mean to me to have someone remember me and take my struggle seriously, take it to heart when I feel the most alone and drowning. That level of kindness obliterates me, but it brings me closer to my center again after bracing and bracing against the hard knocks.
    Must...not recognise...emotional...reaction... :steam:
    I hope I'm wrong, but I believe that he is a fraud, and I think despite all of his rhetoric about being a champion of the working class, it will turn out to be hollow -- Bernie Sanders on Trump

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