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  1. #1
    Senior Member INTP's Avatar
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    Default intp excuse vs explaining

    I get accused of making up excuses really often when im only trying to explaing why certain things happened. This really pisses me off since they just wont understand what im saying to them and makes me want to explain why this isnt some stupid excuse and people just seem to think that im making excuses for making up excuses..

    Does this happen to other intps often? And what do other types think about these intp "excuses"? Or are certain types just incapable of seeing difference between excuse and explaining things?
    "Where wisdom reigns, there is no conflict between thinking and feeling."
    — C.G. Jung

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  2. #2
    Senior Member Shimmy's Avatar
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    Nop, doesn't happen to me. Or more precisely, if people don't believe me I just tell them that I was speaking the truth, sticking to my story, and that if they don't believe me they can either find somebody else to lie to them or go fuck themselves.

    Usually people are too lazy to bother checking out other sources and they will accept my explanation.

  3. #3
    78% me Eruca's Avatar
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    I get the same sort of thing.

    Sometimes someone will misunderstand (intentionally?) my argument and parry the argument they think I am giving, when that happens I like to clarify my stance by rephrasing my position more clearly, subsequently rendering their argument invalid. So then they accuse me of changing my stance. It could be down to a difference in the way INTP's and some other types view discussion. As an INTP I care about finding the truth, not "winning", but when I explain this im told im a bullshitter.

    Ok this doesnt happen often but when it does grrrrrrr

    Now I think about it, I get the excuse thing to. When someone accuses me of something, if the allegation is true and I still feel justified in doing what I was accused of I will explain my reasoning as such to my accuser. It seems many people aren't used to this straight-forwardness as they will instantly classify my reasons as excuses.

    Excuses are used to side-step responsability for doing wrong, reasons argue that what was done wasn't wrong in the first place.
    I hope I'm wrong, but I believe that he is a fraud, and I think despite all of his rhetoric about being a champion of the working class, it will turn out to be hollow -- Bernie Sanders on Trump

  4. #4
    Pumpernickel
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    Happens to me too all the time, it's probably an NT thing. I get (usually F doms) telling me I am making up excuses just because I am being too objective and not mentioning and "feelings" in my account.

  5. #5
    Rainy Day Woman MDP2525's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTP View Post
    I get accused of making up excuses really often when im only trying to explaing why certain things happened. This really pisses me off since they just wont understand what im saying to them and makes me want to explain why this isnt some stupid excuse and people just seem to think that im making excuses for making up excuses..

    Does this happen to other intps often? And what do other types think about these intp "excuses"? Or are certain types just incapable of seeing difference between excuse and explaining things?
    Maybe you are explaining too much and they "see" it as you being defensive rather than you striving for exactitude.

    I've found that the less you say the better. You control the situation by letting them ask questions instead of you explaining everything and leaving them sort of dumbfounded as to what to say next. It also makes people feel good to figure something out.

    Example:

    Boss: Why are you late?
    Me: Had car trouble
    Boss: what happened?
    Me: flat tire
    Boss: did you get it fixed?
    Me: Yeah.

    Instead of:

    Boss: Why are you late?
    Me: I was driving down the interstate when I must have ran over a nail. My tire went completely flat so I had to pull over. It took an hour for me to walk to the next gas station. I finally got some of that tire foam stuff and I put it in the tire but it's still a little low and I have to take it tomorrow to a shop.
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  6. #6
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    I think the underlying issue is that people are reacting emotionally. Any form of explanation will automatically be dismissed as an attempt to justify your own actions, which to them, is a cardinal sin, because they think you are wrong and unable to admit it. On the other hand, you might be thinking the very same of them. Recriminations result from a clash of wills, neither of which is very useful to understanding the situation. I've also learnt that being unreasonable is not a characteristic exclusive to "other types". NTs also are also capable of getting lost within their own egos.

    Alternatively, a more valid accusation would be if and when I contradict myself during an argument. This could be due to 1. Jumping context 2. Refining ideas and definitions through argument (as opposed to before) 3. Failure to state my definitions at the begining.

    In social context (i.e. punctuality & etc), I've learnt its better to skip the explanation when people are solely interested in passing judgement. Imagine facing an angry client. The last thing you want to do is to start by explaining why you did what you did. The best thing to do is apologize and move on (easier said than done, I admit).

  7. #7
    Priestess Of Syrinx Katsuni's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTP View Post
    I get accused of making up excuses really often when im only trying to explaing why certain things happened. This really pisses me off since they just wont understand what im saying to them and makes me want to explain why this isnt some stupid excuse and people just seem to think that im making excuses for making up excuses..

    Does this happen to other intps often? And what do other types think about these intp "excuses"? Or are certain types just incapable of seeing difference between excuse and explaining things?
    It's not really an INTP thing; it's an NT issue in general.

    The difference, is that INTP's tend to express themselves less clearly on average, or going into far more detail then neccesary on points they believe are integral to the explanation.

    I explain my reasoning as well, if yeu don't understand why, then yeu can't make use of that information. Knowledge means nothing without understanding.

    Yeu know I was late, yeu do not understand WHY I was late. Explaining to the client that yeu held them up for 15 minutes because yeu'd just finished making a deal that would net them several million dollars makes them happy, but only if they understand why yeu were late.

    The biggest thing is, honestly, the wording and phrasing when dealing with people. With the correct terms in the correct order, yeu can smooth feelings and get people to listen normally. 'normally', some people just won't listen no matter whot. If yeu came to the door holding a million dollar cheque, they'd slam the door in yeur face.

    That being said though, make absolutely sure to explain that yeu have GOOD reason first, and explain the GOOD part FIRST. Going into the long explanation of the lead up to the important information just irritates people, even if yeu believe that information to be essential. If yeu've lost yeur audience before yeu get to the important part, then they never hear it. Make sure to get the key reasoning out first or yeu won't get that far.

  8. #8
    Une Femme est une femme paperoceans's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTP View Post
    I get accused of making up excuses really often when im only trying to explaing why certain things happened. This really pisses me off since they just wont understand what im saying to them and makes me want to explain why this isnt some stupid excuse and people just seem to think that im making excuses for making up excuses..

    Does this happen to other intps often? And what do other types think about these intp "excuses"? Or are certain types just incapable of seeing difference between excuse and explaining things?
    Same here... and no, I haven't found a solution :/
    Between that cigarillo and sticking my finger down my throat to see if I could DT, I feel like puking RN.

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  9. #9
    Senior Member INTP's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MDP2525 View Post
    Maybe you are explaining too much and they "see" it as you being defensive rather than you striving for exactitude.

    I've found that the less you say the better. You control the situation by letting them ask questions instead of you explaining everything and leaving them sort of dumbfounded as to what to say next. It also makes people feel good to figure something out.

    Example:

    Boss: Why are you late?
    Me: Had car trouble
    Boss: what happened?
    Me: flat tire
    Boss: did you get it fixed?
    Me: Yeah.

    Instead of:

    Boss: Why are you late?
    Me: I was driving down the interstate when I must have ran over a nail. My tire went completely flat so I had to pull over. It took an hour for me to walk to the next gas station. I finally got some of that tire foam stuff and I put it in the tire but it's still a little low and I have to take it tomorrow to a shop.


    why didnt i get this lol. i tend to explain all of the reasons i see important with great details. i think i should try to stop that a little or tell people why i do this. or maybe they would just think that i try to make excuses for making up excuses..
    "Where wisdom reigns, there is no conflict between thinking and feeling."
    — C.G. Jung

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  10. #10
    Senior Member sandwich's Avatar
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    If they want an explanation they'll ask, otherwise it probably isn't terribly important.

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