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  1. #1
    Senior Member Cranky's Avatar
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    Question An INTJ's Journey Towards Being Kind To People; or, What's The Point, Again?

    INTJs get typed as some of the crassest, rudest, most oblivious, and arrogant people out there.

    Guilty.

    Part of being as smart as I am (think numbers that would make Einstein blush) is KNOWING how smart I am. It irritates me when people argue with me when they are either smart enough to know I'm smarter than them and how much I know about a topic, and hence know I'm far more likely to be right than them---OR they're not smart enough to know the difference. One way, they should know better, and the other way isn't worth my time and energy to bother to try to change their minds.

    (Anyone ever wanted to know how an INTJ REALLY thinks...there you go. )

    There are some people that it's a pleasure to argue with, because they're both smart enough to know I'm smarter AND they know as much or more than I do on a given topic, OR they're as smart as or smarter than me. (Two of my grad school professors are highly likely to have had much higher IQs than me--notably, I dress more nicely and smell FAR better than they did )

    Now, THERE'S some INTJ arrogance for you.

    Guess what I've learned? People don't like it when you treat them like idiots when you deign to notice their presence, and they CERTAINLY don't like being ignored. Here's the problem: a great deal of my life is determined by people not under my immediate control. My employer, my doctor, my family, my friends, my landlord, my barista---these people control whether or not I have money, health, Christmas presents (yay!), people who love me, a place to live, and more importantly than anything else: my morning coffee.

    I've been running a little experiment over the last couple of weeks. I have been DELIBERATELY kind to people. I've gone out of my way to tell five people a day three nice things about themselves, and tried to remember to offer to do things for people like run errands (when it would cost me very little in time and effort, mind. I haven't gone ENTIRELY crazy.). You would be absolutely STUNNED to see the reactions I've gotten. On a purely mundane level, people are inviting me to dinners and parties, making my life easier by doing things for me like offering to run errands while they're out, remembering me when there are events, and that sort of thing. On a less mundane level, it's not entirely unappealing to not have to battle my way through each day making people do what I tell them to because it's their job, or seeing people smile at me instead of giving me a carefully blank face (*don't notice me! Oh CHRIST. Here she comes! RUUUNNN!!*)

    Maybe it's not entirely awful to be kind to people. It HAS produced an unfortunate side effect of more people wanting to talk to me, but I find that an iPod, shades, and a hat provide their usual comforting anonymity and ambient noise transformation.

    Any other INTJs ever tried this "Being Kind To People" thing before?
    Personally, *I* think I'm hysterically funny.

  2. #2
    Blah Orangey's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cranky View Post
    Part of being as smart as I am (think numbers that would make Einstein blush) is KNOWING how smart I am. It irritates me when people argue with me when they are either smart enough to know I'm smarter than them and how much I know about a topic, and hence know I'm far more likely to be right than them---OR they're not smart enough to know the difference. One way, they should know better, and the other way isn't worth my time and energy to bother to try to change their minds.

    (Anyone ever wanted to know how an INTJ REALLY thinks...there you go. )

    There are some people that it's a pleasure to argue with, because they're both smart enough to know I'm smarter AND they know as much or more than I do on a given topic, OR they're as smart as or smarter than me. (Two of my grad school professors are highly likely to have had much higher IQs than me--notably, I dress more nicely and smell FAR better than they did )
    :rolli:

    I stopped reading past this point.
    Artes, Scientia, Veritasiness

  3. #3
    Senior Member Cranky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Orangey View Post
    :rolli:

    I stopped reading past this point.
    You're missing the point...the NICE part happens AFTER the INTJ realizes she's been being an idiot...

    And it's also possible that my dry wit isn't translating well. All, please feel free to note PARODY in what I said, not just truth.
    Personally, *I* think I'm hysterically funny.

  4. #4
    Blah Orangey's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cranky View Post
    You're missing the point...the NICE part happens AFTER the INTJ realizes she's been being an idiot...

    And it's also possible that my dry wit isn't translating well. All, please feel free to note PARODY in what I said, not just truth.
    Ah, well if it was a joke, then I hereby retract my rolleyes. I guess I'm just used to the disturbingly large amount of people here who would say that kind of thing in perfect seriousness...
    Artes, Scientia, Veritasiness

  5. #5
    Junior Member Acidic Liquid's Avatar
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    I completely agree with you. However, being kind to people is just so hard when I think they're complete idiots. I also tend to judge people before I get to know them, which from the sidelines looks as if they need to prove themselves to me before I can even take interest in whatever they're saying. I know it sounds arrogant and rude. Are all NTs like this???

  6. #6
    Senior Member Cranky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Orangey View Post
    Ah, well if it was a joke, then I hereby retract my rolleyes. I guess I'm just used to the disturbingly large amount of people here who would say that kind of thing in perfect seriousness...
    (1) I said it in perfect seriousness.

    (2) It's literally true.

    (3) I don't actually treat people like this in real life.

    (4) When I was younger, I *DID* actually treat people like this in real life.

    (5) I'm amazed I wasn't shot.

    (6) Sometimes, real truth is still hysterically funny. Especially when what I'm doing is both parodying my younger self, and literally describing my kindness experiment.

    (7) I was not joking about the iPod.
    Personally, *I* think I'm hysterically funny.

  7. #7
    Blah Orangey's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cranky View Post
    (1) I said it in perfect seriousness.

    (2) It's literally true.

    (3) I don't actually treat people like this in real life.

    (4) When I was younger, I *DID* actually treat people like this in real life.

    (5) I'm amazed I wasn't shot.

    (6) Sometimes, real truth is still hysterically funny. Especially when what I'm doing is both parodying my younger self, and literally describing my kindness experiment.

    (7) I was not joking about the iPod.
    Well then :rolli: fully reinstated!
    Artes, Scientia, Veritasiness

  8. #8
    Senior Member Cranky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Acidic Liquid View Post
    I completely agree with you. However, being kind to people is just so hard when I think they're complete idiots. I also tend to judge people before I get to know them, which from the sidelines looks as if they need to prove themselves to me before I can even take interest in whatever they're saying. I know it sounds arrogant and rude. Are all NTs like this???
    Before I respond to this, I need to know if you're being serious or if you're joking.
    Personally, *I* think I'm hysterically funny.

  9. #9
    Junior Member Acidic Liquid's Avatar
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    I have a weird sense of humour.

  10. #10
    Senior Member Cranky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Acidic Liquid View Post
    I have a weird sense of humour.
    Ok, good. You scared me for a minute there.

    I'm starting to feel like Oliver Platt in The Infiltrator, where he thinks everyone around him is joking and has the same dry and inappropriate sense of humor as he does, and then realizes that they're not joking at all, and actually ARE Nazis.
    Personally, *I* think I'm hysterically funny.

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