You need a purpose, to distract yourself from such useless, depressive contemplation. Set some new goals, and aim high. Don't forget to shred anything that holds you back, but be careful, because sometimes you'll destroy something stable and be left with nothing.
All through school and that, I was just following others. Suddenly I ended up in uni and slowly lost motivation, so I started trying a few new things out, I switched unis (ditching any friends I had there), and completely changed everything, and gave up on the difficult subjects, because I wanted more, and I felt like I could see it just around the corner. I tried to get a job to support myself and possibly live on campus. I was bursting with energy... and eventually I realized that nothing went how I dreamed it would, it was all just a dream, and in following it, I destroyed everything I already had, and then ran away from the solution with more dreams. I'm pretty sure that I've miss-typed myself enneagram wise, that's some pretty clear 7 behavior.
The thing is, to find motivation, and keep a hold on it, you can't be a sheep, you can't rely on competition to drive you, you have to drive yourself. The main thing want is focus! I remember watching an interview with a famous chef who's father told him when he was young, that to get the gals swooning, you have to have money, you have to be successful. That was his motivation. Everyone has triggers like these, seek them out and manipulate them, and the whole world will bend at the knees before you