[INTP] INTPs RE: the Telephone

[htb]

Admittedly I haven't tried the Skype + webcam combination yet.

That worked well for me -- simple, pleasant.

 

[TenebrousReflection]

I think it comes down to a T issue more than specifically an INTP issue. In my experience, Fs like to have long conversations on the phone, while Ts use the phone for very brief, specific purposes. When my ENFP sister or ESFP SO calls me, I find myself thinking, "What is the purpose of this call? Is there something specific they called to tell me?" My attention wanders and my patience dwindles the longer I'm on the phone. Don't get me wrong - I love long discussions - it's just that I would much rather do them in person. This also applies to every T in my life I can think of.

A suggestion: You might try text messaging. Most Ts I know, including myself, will respond much more quickly to a brief text. If you save the long conversations for when you see them in person you'll get much more out of them.

I do have a lot of T qualities and this may be one of them, but I do consider myself mostly INF, and I dislike most phone conversations. For me tho, its not to do with the phone being the issue but the conversation topics being the issue. I simply find the things most people want to talk about on the phone to be either boring or quickly resolved. The other issue with the phone, is that I feel like its a leash preventing me from doing much of anythgin else while I'm talking on it (I simply find it difficult to relax when I'm speaking on the phone (I'm still one of those folks in the technology dark ages with no cell phone - I've cosnidered gettign one, but have a hard time justifying the costs vs how little I'd use it and the pre-paid plans have their own drawbacks.)). When I talk to someone, I want it to either be about a shared interest that has a lot of room for speculation or some other abstract idea that has a lot of good branching room for interesting tangents and my prefered conversation environment is anywhere that I can lean back and relax in a comfortable chair/couch and sip on some coffee or tea while I chat (genealy either somoenes living room or a less crowded coffee shop). In general I prefer conversations in person followed by e-mail or message board conversations, then phone and in last place is Instant Messaging. To me, the only redeemign quality of a phone conversation is getting to hear someones voice and if its someone thats not long-distance thats not a big deal, and for long distance, a mix of phone/e-mail maybe somethign like 20%/80% is prefered.

 

[Sandy]

I do have a lot of T qualities and this may be one of them, but I do consider myself mostly INF, and I dislike most phone conversations. For me tho, its not to do with the phone being the issue but the conversation topics being the issue. I simply find the things most people want to talk about on the phone to be either boring or quickly resolved. The other issue with the phone, is that I feel like its a leash preventing me from doing much of anythgin else while I'm talking on it (I simply find it difficult to relax when I'm speaking on the phone (I'm still one of those folks in the technology dark ages with no cell phone - I've cosnidered gettign one, but have a hard time justifying the costs vs how little I'd use it and the pre-paid plans have their own drawbacks.)). When I talk to someone, I want it to either be about a shared interest that has a lot of room for speculation or some other abstract idea that has a lot of good branching room for interesting tangents and my prefered conversation environment is anywhere that I can lean back and relax in a comfortable chair/couch and sip on some coffee or tea while I chat (genealy either somoenes living room or a less crowded coffee shop). In general I prefer conversations in person followed by e-mail or message board conversations, then phone and in last place is Instant Messaging. To me, the only redeemign quality of a phone conversation is getting to hear someones voice and if its someone thats not long-distance thats not a big deal, and for long distance, a mix of phone/e-mail maybe somethign like 20%/80% is prefered.

That's interesting. When I get on the phone, I don't want to be doing anything but sitting there on my brown chair and talking. I talk on the phone like I would talking to someone in person. I want the other person on the other end to know that they have my undivided attention.

My sister (ISFJ, I think) does her housework while she is on the phone, so she gets distracted (which is distracting to me).

 

[TenebrousReflection]

That's interesting. When I get on the phone, I don't want to be doing anything but sitting there on my brown chair and talking. I talk on the phone like I would talking to someone in person. I want the other person on the other end to know that they have my undivided attention.

My sister (ISFJ, I think) does her housework while she is on the phone, so she gets distracted (which is distracting to me).

Hmmm, this brings up something that didn't cross my mind initially. Most phone conversations tend to interrupt whatever I was doing at the moment, so even if I want to talk to the person, I was doing something else before they called and the phone call prevents me from continuing it. If the interruption was something I can put on hold like reading a book, or watching tv and the person is someone I want to talk to that I expect to have a long conversation with, I will find a comfortable spot to to relax and talk, but unless I was expecting the call, its difficult to transition from interruption to relaxed state of mind. Most calls I get are friends wanting to talk about something specific and and are usually short (5-10 min) and since I expect the calls to be quick I stop what I'm doing to talk but no matter the length of the call, it diverts my full attention to it and I often forget where my thoughts were before the phone rang so my dislike of the phone comes both from its limitations and the fact that its nearly always an interruption (sometimes a pleasant interruption, but still an interruption).

 

[Cerpin_Taxt]

I abhor talking on the phone, and I'm not a big fan of email either. If I feel that insatiable urge to communicate -- once a month or so -- with someone about anything deeper then day to day banalities, then I need to see that person face to face.

 

[Xander]

Not talking on the phone is not something that's divided by T and F. If you knew an ESTP you'd know this. By god can they go on!!!

Myself I dislike the phone, skype and all other forms of instant interaction where the person is not in front of you. The reason for this is I abhor the whole "you must pay attention to me" thing. I don't wish to sit sedantry for half an hour whilst you retell your entire life story up until this point. I have no interest in what happened when it rained and how wet you got. I have things I want to be doing and you are now keeping me from them by your prattling. Worse still if I drift off and stop paying attention not only do you notice but you have the audacity to chastise me for it!! If you weren't so boring then I'd not have fallen into a coma whilst you spoke.

I have found a solution to this problem though. Mobile phones with headsets. Natter all you like and I'll do some menial task to keep my brain ticking over whilst leaving me receptive to normal drivel.

Strangely people seem less likely to give you filler in person. I guess that's why the phone is such a horrible device.

 

[Athenian200]

What I don't understand is why everyone else is so comfortable face-to-face. I mean, I feel a lot safer on the phone, and kind of vulnerable in a face-to-face conversation. I'm constantly worrying about how I look, or what I'm doing with my hands, whether my facial expressions are appropriate, etc. So I feel better on either the Internet or the phone.

I usually come across well enough face-to-face, but I tend to be drained faster by it, because I feel like I have to focus on controlling more nuances of what I'm doing to avoid giving a bad impression.

I wonder if part of this is that it's harder for INTP's to express their emotions verbally, and tend to think visually, or in a right-brained way?

 

[Xander]

What I don't understand is why everyone else is so comfortable face-to-face. I mean, I feel a lot safer on the phone, and kind of vulnerable in a face-to-face conversation. I'm constantly worrying about how I look, or what I'm doing with my hands, whether my facial expressions are appropriate, etc. So I feel better on either the Internet or the phone.

I usually come across well enough face-to-face, but I tend to be drained faster by it, because I feel like I have to focus on controlling more nuances of what I'm doing to avoid giving a bad impression.

I wonder if part of this is that it's harder for INTP's to express their emotions verbally, and tend to think visually, or in a right-brained way?

It's usually better for me face to face. For one thing if I'm talking face to face with someone then usually that person has interested me enough for me to be around them, so I'm interested fro the get go. Also, should their conversation fail to harness my interest, I can always study them whilst they talk, noting their mannerisms and studying them from a psychological and detached point of view.

Face to face conversations are actually what started me smoking. It gives me something to occupy some part of my mind whilst I chat. With cigarettes and drinks I can chat for hours. I don't like large groups though. One on one is my favourite. Guess that's the introvert bit shining through

 

[FFF]

I only like talking to two people on the phone unless I'm dealing with something practical. The worst thing someone can do in an attempt to befriend me is to give me their number. Most of the time I won't ever call unless we agree I should call at a certain time or if I have a good, practical reason to call.

I agree with your son and boyfriend, though. I'd really rather talk in person.

 

[prplchknz]

I really rather talk in person, but I will talk on the phone. If you call just to chat I'll probably not want to, but if you call to go do something I'll welcome the call. Of course the only people who call me are my best friends and my mom, I think I have maybe 12 people in my phone and only 3 of those I talk to on a regular basis. Of course people always manage to call when I'm doing something else, it's never when I'm bored. When I call them they're busy, so I'll often talk to them and drop what I'm doing. I tend to give people my whole attention when talking to them, I know they can't see me, but I know. If I can pass the phone to someone I will, I hate talking on the phone especially if I don't know you that well.

 

[arcticangel02]

What about dealing with strangers on the phone?

For some reason, having to call someone I don't know at all makes me really nervous, like no other sort of interaction ever does. Usually it's fine once I'm talking to them, but just before and while dialling, eek. I don't know - perhaps the complete unknown on the other side? I must subconsciously use a lot of visual cues when I communicate with people, or something.

 

[mollyowens]

What about dealing with strangers on the phone?

I've always hated the phone although having had several jobs that required spending lots of time on the phone has pretty much gotten me over my aversion. The one exception is calling the pizza guy. I refuse to do it. Fortunately you can order delivery online now or I'd probably starve to death.

 

[colmena]

I fucking hate the phone. The phone can fuck off.

 

[pardo]

15 minutes? I don't think I ever talked that much on the phone. I'm usually out of things to say in a couple mins (that's because I use it only when there's actually something important to tell). My girlfriend might have kept me on for 5-10 minutes sometimes, I'm not sure, but she does all the talking anyway.

 

[Kalyrn]

I can last about two to five minutes without getting distracted or board on the phone. Lot of the time I will have conversations with other people that are in the room,(a conversation that I would not normally bother having if I wasn't on the phone) while I am on the phone because then I have to pay attention to two people at once and it becomes a challenge rather that a boring phone conversation. I also like talking to people when they are on the phone, if they are on the phone with someone I know that I might want to talk to, this means that I don't have to call them because I already talked to them.

 

[ceecee]

I fucking hate the phone. The phone can fuck off.

*nods* I agree wholeheartedly.

 

[Tallulah]

The phone sucks. I only like talking on the phone if it's task-oriented. If you want to chat with me, your best bet is texting or IMing. They're they only forms of non-face-to-face communication that aren't boring or intimidating. With email, sometimes I'll procrastinate replying b/c I want to formulate a really good response, but then it seems like a lot of work.

I ALWAYS multitask when on the phone. That's just too much time to be tied down, not able to do anything.

 

[Angry Ayrab]

more than 15 minutes drains him.

Wow, how the heck can you talk for that long on the phone anyway. I am supposedly a loudmouth talker, but more than two minutes on the phone and I am going to start blowing on the mic (static) and then somehow lose signal for the next three days.

 

[PuddleRiver]

Being on the phone for more than 10 minutes is like having your face being sucked into a black hole. I'm not sure why I don't like it, exactly. I don't get uncomfortable, but I do get bored, and I start to feel like I'm tied down.

Yup, I start gettin' all antsy and stuff. I want to be free and I feel like I'm chains or being smothered by a pillow or something.

 

[Lexlike]

Ironicly i only like calling an intp friend of mine, who hates it even more than me... but otherwise i hate phone calls,
i have also a lousy smoker- whisky voice, even though i do not drink or smoke, which makes it even worsers for me