I'm ENTP. I guess i had a really tough period in my life in childhood and adolescence which brought me to the point where I absolutely lost my selfconfidence. for 9 years I lived in an atmosphere of huge acne on my face(i mean really huge), drunk and fighting parents. All this time I constantly repeated to myself that there is no girl who will love me and there is no person who will be interested in me. And all people around looked for me so beauty and sophisticated. So each time I would go outside I would see people around me and I would again repeat to myself that no one will love me. 9 years, 9 years of total despair.
Well, this period gone, acne gone, currently I live apart from my parents. I have a good job which I really like(programming), I have friends who value me and I had couple of relationships with really cute girls.
But you see, those feeling of total despair are my constant visitors. For example i can find some little detail about me or I can just imagine it and I begin to feel that no one ever will love me or find me a kind of interesting guy. And all the colours of live gone in one second and again I begin to feel myself as 14 year old boy with acne and fighting parents.
I guess all ENTPs have this problem with identifying what people really think about them, but in my case this feature really upgraded to the point where each time I encounter a new person I think he or she perceive me as a 14 year old acne boy and i begin to feel again this despair.
Interesting point is that i realise that currently there is no point in feeling all this strees and I really feel good about life and myself, but than again i will find some little detail(one spot on my face, crumpled clothes), which is really little and insignificant or just imagine it(i can imagine that smth is wrong with my walk) and will trully feel again all this strees and despair. And I begin to tell to myself that everything is gone and I find relief...until i think about another or the same detail. And this circle goes all the time. I feel like I stuck in my life with this circle.
ENTP people do you have this strong habit of sticking to some feelings and fighting with them all your life?