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  1. #1
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    Default ENTP strongly harrased by life

    Hi friends

    I'm ENTP. I guess i had a really tough period in my life in childhood and adolescence which brought me to the point where I absolutely lost my selfconfidence. for 9 years I lived in an atmosphere of huge acne on my face(i mean really huge), drunk and fighting parents. All this time I constantly repeated to myself that there is no girl who will love me and there is no person who will be interested in me. And all people around looked for me so beauty and sophisticated. So each time I would go outside I would see people around me and I would again repeat to myself that no one will love me. 9 years, 9 years of total despair.

    Well, this period gone, acne gone, currently I live apart from my parents. I have a good job which I really like(programming), I have friends who value me and I had couple of relationships with really cute girls.

    But you see, those feeling of total despair are my constant visitors. For example i can find some little detail about me or I can just imagine it and I begin to feel that no one ever will love me or find me a kind of interesting guy. And all the colours of live gone in one second and again I begin to feel myself as 14 year old boy with acne and fighting parents.

    I guess all ENTPs have this problem with identifying what people really think about them, but in my case this feature really upgraded to the point where each time I encounter a new person I think he or she perceive me as a 14 year old acne boy and i begin to feel again this despair.

    Interesting point is that i realise that currently there is no point in feeling all this strees and I really feel good about life and myself, but than again i will find some little detail(one spot on my face, crumpled clothes), which is really little and insignificant or just imagine it(i can imagine that smth is wrong with my walk) and will trully feel again all this strees and despair. And I begin to tell to myself that everything is gone and I find relief...until i think about another or the same detail. And this circle goes all the time. I feel like I stuck in my life with this circle.

    ENTP people do you have this strong habit of sticking to some feelings and fighting with them all your life?

  2. #2
    Once Was Synarch's Avatar
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    Everyone has things they might change about themselves.

    You might benefit from just slowing down and not worrying so much about what other people think. It seems like the less you care the more people respect you.

    Don't despair!
    "Create like a god, command like a king, work like a slave."

  3. #3
    Senior Member SerengetiBetty's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fenri View Post

    ENTP people do you have this strong habit of sticking to some feelings and fighting with them all your life?

    i don't think this is just an ENTP trait. I think anyone who's spent a lot of time in their youth being teased for some physical and personality trait will grow up and have that trait in the back of my mind..

    anyway, i would suggest looking at the past as the past.. see that past person that you were as someone else. take what you want from that past person and leave the rest you don't want in the past. you can reinvent yourself into whomever you want to be

  4. #4
    Alexander the Terrible yenom's Avatar
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    you should write down your thoughts and learn to deal with the inner critic inside you.
    What people think is not important, learning to live with who you are and accept yourself is.

    I used to be self-conscious and lack confidence like you, but I have gotten over it, mainly because people are fickle and only you know what you are capable of.
    The fear of poverty turns people into slaves of money.

    "In this Caesar there are many Mariuses"~Sulla

    Conquer your inner demons first before you conquer the world.

  5. #5

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    Quote Originally Posted by Synarch View Post
    It seems like the less you care the more people respect you.
    This is so true, and one need only look at one's own admirations to see it.

    I bet it's pretty normal for us NT types to be hyperaware of what we perceive others to be thinking about us. There was a time when I was younger that I couldn't hear laughter without automatically assuming that it was directed at me. It took me quite some time to be able to overcome this reaction, but it is very, very rewarding. And as an NT, you shouldn't have too much trouble convincing yourself that you don't give a damn what others think.
    Ti = Ne > Fi = Ni > Te = Si > Fe = Se

    "I've never seen a child who didn't want to build something out of blocks, or learn something new, or try the next task. And the only reason why adults aren't like that is, I suppose, that they have been sent to school and other oppressive institutions which have driven that out of them."
    -- Noam Chomsky

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by Forgetful Functor View Post
    I bet it's pretty normal for us NT types to be hyperaware of what we perceive others to be thinking about us. There was a time when I was younger that I couldn't hear laughter without automatically assuming that it was directed at me.
    Yes, agree, this is so about me. Well I'm trying to overcome this, and now I don't react so painfull, because earlier EVERY laughter around would definitely pain me hard.

    I have a psychologist therapy for about 18 months and now I'm at the point where I need to spend time separating my ENTP traits from trauma i received in childhood. Example: Every day I don't feel big need in other person to be around me, well I love my friends but I just don't feel to call them. In the past I thought that this has smth to do with hiding from society but from this forum i see that a lot of ENTP has this trait.

    Well I basically never call my friends just to say hi and ask how they are although I really love them.

    Do you feel the same about friends?

  7. #7
    Senior Member SerengetiBetty's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fenri View Post

    Well I basically never call my friends just to say hi and ask how they are although I really love them.

    Do you feel the same about friends?
    nope i'm old enough to know that I need to keep in touch with the people i care about. after the age of 28, you might start to really understand mortality especially if you have good friends die that you've lost touch with. Life is too short to not reach out to the people you love by email or phone.

  8. #8
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    I agree, I think the powers of keeping in touch doesn't dawn on entp's until they get older. I've traveled a lot and would have friends that would send me cards and stuff, you know the normal stuff people do and I would never reciprocate because while it was "nice" I just didn't see the big deal. They still meant the same to me as if they were sitting next to me. It wasn't until recently that I realized that not everyone feels that way....it means something to a lot of people to get a card for their birthday. It should mean something to me that my best friend feels that way, although I don't. I don't want them to disappear one day not knowing how deeply I felt for them. Which will happen.

    As far as being critical of yourself, I think entp's are so much tougher on themselves than others realize. The trick I found was to imagine a close friend of mine retelling my life or things that I had done and imagine what I would say to them. It helps.

  9. #9
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    accept them
    come to terms with them
    OWN them

    thats an idealist's approach but as long as you dont give in to those feelings too many times, your always moving forward...and i think thats all that counts; for now anyways

  10. #10
    Une Femme est une femme paperoceans's Avatar
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    I guess all ENTPs have this problem with identifying what people really think about them, but in my case this feature really upgraded to the point where each time I encounter a new person I think he or she perceive me as a 14 year old acne boy and i begin to feel again this despair.
    False. I couldn't give a rat's ass.

    Interesting point is that i realise that currently there is no point in feeling all this strees and I really feel good about life and myself, but than again i will find some little detail(one spot on my face, crumpled clothes), which is really little and insignificant or just imagine it(i can imagine that smth is wrong with my walk) and will trully feel again all this strees and despair. And I begin to tell to myself that everything is gone and I find relief...until i think about another or the same detail. And this circle goes all the time. I feel like I stuck in my life with this circle.
    Sounds like you're suffering from anxiety and depression to me.

    ENTP people do you have this strong habit of sticking to some feelings and fighting with them all your life?
    Nope, my feelings are constantly changing and I honestly do not pay attention to my "feelings". I only have a few emotions: happy, angry, and sleepy; it repeats in a never-ending cycle.

    But you're obviously battling with some unresolved issues. Anyone, regardless of type has some insecurities. But it's up to that person whether or not they are going to allow those negative thoughts to control their life.
    Between that cigarillo and sticking my finger down my throat to see if I could DT, I feel like puking RN.

    Read my Blog.

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