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  1. #11
    Ghost Monkey Soul Vizconde's Avatar
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    Thx for all. just reading this allowed me to release a tear where ironically talking to close friends on the phone/text did not. (whiskey helped too)

    I will pull myself together soon.

    xoxo
    I redact everything I have written or will write on this forum prior to, subsequent with and or after the fact of its writing. For entertainment purposes only and not to be taken seriously nor literally.

    Quote Originally Posted by Edgar View Post
    Spamtar - a strange combination of boorish drunkeness and erudite discussions, or what I call "an Irish academic"

  2. #12
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    all in good time

  3. #13
    Senior Member kathara's Avatar
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    It depends. Either cry my eyes out in such manner than I need sedating, or dismissively. The problem with the second attitude is that sometimes I think those people are still alive and ask about them.

  4. #14

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    Quote Originally Posted by kathara View Post
    The problem with the second attitude is that sometimes I think those people are still alive and ask about them.
    At Harris Teeter the other day, I thought I saw a friend who had taken his own life a couple months ago.

    It didn't hit me immediately why it couldn't have been him, but when it did a few moments later, I was thrown for the rest of the day.
    Ti = Ne > Fi = Ni > Te = Si > Fe = Se

    "I've never seen a child who didn't want to build something out of blocks, or learn something new, or try the next task. And the only reason why adults aren't like that is, I suppose, that they have been sent to school and other oppressive institutions which have driven that out of them."
    -- Noam Chomsky

  5. #15
    half mystic, half skeksis jenocyde's Avatar
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    When my oldest brother died, I just avoided everyone. Didn't go to his funeral, didn't shed a tear and I rarely think of him. It's as if he never existed. I still feel guilty to this day for avoiding my father in his lowest moment but I don't think I would have been strong enough to comfort my father through his breakdown. I watched my dad hold his hand as they turned the machines off - that was more than enough for me. It's been 13 years and it still sucks ass when I think about it.

    When my best friend died, I was very far away so it took me a while to accept it as real. When I went home and saw the actual accident scene, with the blood and everything else, I almost lost my shit thinking about what his last moments were like - if he was scared, if he knew it was over. I became obsessed with his final moments. It made me motivated to do everything he ever wanted to do, so he could kind of live vicariously through my experiences. I still haven't cried for him and it's now been 5 years. But I feel like I've honored him.

    I've had friends and family members die in between all of this, but these two incidents shook me to the core. Whiskey really does help.

  6. #16
    Senior Member tinkerbell's Avatar
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    Spa,

    I'm sorry for your loss

    It's not easy in some ways friends are more difficult because they are usually unexpected. Hope you are OK

    Resp to OP
    badly... it either doens't really touch me at all, or touches me so intensely I'm a mess in a slow quite contemplative way....

    I'm awful at big funerals, just block a fair portion of them out...

    Scared I forget and ask about people on the phone post a death, and really upset when there is something specific I want to share with that person and then get hit that they are dead.

  7. #17
    Ghost Monkey Soul Vizconde's Avatar
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    All very helpful in advice and/or presence and thank for the condolences.

    As well as writing his family/son. I think I will write about him (dead friend) to myself. Writing is so much easier then talking sometimes.

    There I can write about both the good and bad times. No morale just how it happened when it happened.

    My sister called and I did not tell her about the death…told her to watch her weight and confirmed she had life insurance for her kids and then just waited on “auto pilot” chat until I could convince to hang up the phone


    Quote Originally Posted by jenocyde View Post
    It made me motivated to do everything he ever wanted to do, so he could kind of live vicariously through my experiences. I still haven't cried for him and it's now been 5 years. But I feel like I've honored him.
    These thoughts seemed like ways I can address the event/person and make something more positive of his memory.

    Sometimes kinda wish I could be more proficient in my feeling. Maybe its evolution/God/nature's way of motivating me under duress.
    I redact everything I have written or will write on this forum prior to, subsequent with and or after the fact of its writing. For entertainment purposes only and not to be taken seriously nor literally.

    Quote Originally Posted by Edgar View Post
    Spamtar - a strange combination of boorish drunkeness and erudite discussions, or what I call "an Irish academic"

  8. #18
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    Be thankful that they were in your life to start with.
    I did not cry when my mother died, because I felt lucky to have had a mother at all.
    I did not cry when my best friend died, because I felt lucky that someone that special considered me their friend( let alone their best friend) in the first place.

    We all deal with loss differently, and these things take time.

  9. #19
    Senior Member Timmy's Avatar
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    When I had relatives die, I was sad for a bit...they were grandparents or older aunts/uncles, so while sad it wasn't unexpected.

    I found out that an old girlfriend had died (years after we broke up)...When I refer to her now, it's always "oh yeah, XXXXX, but she's dead now..."

    Wanting to go into law enforcement, and growing up around that field, I have a very dark sense of humor, so that plays into it, too.

    When my dad died, however, I cried for days on end. I became bitter and angry, taking it out on people ("Tim, I am so sorry your dad died..." ..."Why, did you kill him?"). That took about 4 years to get through.

    I have always been a cynic, but that made it worse.

    Once I got over my dad's death, it was sort of back-to-normal. I had a friend killed in Iraq in 2004. I cried for a bit when I read it in the paper and at the funeral. Eli was a great guy...but he died doing something he loved and believed in. Can't fault a guy for that.

    Have had a few other relatives die...I cry for a short time, then am pretty much done.

    When we had to put our dog to sleep...who we had for 12 years...I cried like a little girl for days. But no bitterness.

    Last Saturday I got a text message from a friend (while at my sister's wedding) that another friend was killed in Afghanistan. I cried for a few minutes, then went back to the wedding. Again, he died doing something he loved, and was able to warn off/save a couple of his friends (mine, too) before he was killed. I'll attend his funeral when it comes up, and will probably cry a bit there, too.

    Generally, I hate funerals...considering them Kabuki for the family...some obligatory ritual that supposedly does something. I find them depressing. I'd rather not go to my friend's funeral, but I will. I'd rather have said my goodbyes before he left Arizona (which I did, to all the members of that unit) than go to a funeral after someone's dead.

    In the end, death is as much a part of life as is birth. It sucks, especially when it's someone you care about. After an appropriate amount of time, I can sometimes even make light of it (as with the ex-girlfriend).

  10. #20
    Ghost Monkey Soul Vizconde's Avatar
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    Gotta go to his service tomorrow. Prolly see a bunch of friends who I have not seen in a long time. Also likely a lot of folks I don't know. This is normal set up for a party but am kinda rusty on the funereal mannerisms. Not really looking forward to it. Mostly an informal crowd and many will likely feel a little awkward because the guy was young and died from an OD. Seemed like I got over the worst of it but now with the funerial coming tomarrow that sickly feeling is creeping into my gut again.
    I redact everything I have written or will write on this forum prior to, subsequent with and or after the fact of its writing. For entertainment purposes only and not to be taken seriously nor literally.

    Quote Originally Posted by Edgar View Post
    Spamtar - a strange combination of boorish drunkeness and erudite discussions, or what I call "an Irish academic"

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