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  1. #1
    Une Femme est une femme paperoceans's Avatar
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    Default How to understand ENFJs?

    I live with three xNFJs. My mother and brother who are ENFJs, and his girlfriend who is an INFJ. For the most part we get along well, but I recently met an ENFJ while I lived in Austria and I just do not get him.

    He is a bit different from my mother and brother, maybe it is that "German" quality, but I often find him very rude; I've told him repeatedly that he comes off obnoxious and he tells me that he had no idea and doesn't mean to. Unfortunately, I do not believe him. He has a habit of saying things to me and then quickly taking it back. I feel like he's constantly pushing my buttons and I'm sure that he feels the same way. He too has complained that I am coming off "mean" to him as well. I'm beginning to think that this coldness is a result of us not understanding one another.

    It's strange because no one has ever made me feel a shitload of emotions, I usually think logically when I am speaking to someone... But not him. I think the main reason is because he knows more about me than anyone else. It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsure of myself. A couple of days ago I was rude to him, commenting about him getting some type of disease since he's in China and he's been ignoring me ever since. I am completely aware that I hurt his feelings and I do not regret it either. I do not understand why all of the sudden I am acting irrationally.

    Our friendship is either very good or very cruel. Something is clashing and I am not sure what it is

    WTF is going on
    Between that cigarillo and sticking my finger down my throat to see if I could DT, I feel like puking RN.

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  2. #2
    Rainy Day Woman MDP2525's Avatar
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    I've definitely felt a similar type of interaction with an ENFJ I know. He doesn't quite understand my humor and questions me about why I said this or that. It seems as though he's thinking I have some hidden insult in my teasing. (I don't). When he jokes with me it can be very...rude. But he's super sensitive. So it's tough. We get along but I think there's this mutual distrust between us because of this.
    I have only known one other ENFJ and wouldn't even be able to recognize them as the same type. I think this is because Fe is sort of subjective to who or what the ENFJ surrounds themselves with? And yes. People are different I have no idea. Maybe and ENFJ can come along and shed some light on how to counteract this cycle.
    ~luck favors the ready~


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  3. #3
    Une Femme est une femme paperoceans's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MDP2525 View Post
    I've definitely felt a similar type of interaction with an ENFJ I know. He doesn't quite understand my humor and questions me about why I said this or that. It seems as though he's thinking I have some hidden insult in my teasing. (I don't). When he jokes with me it can be very...rude. But he's super sensitive. So it's tough. We get along but I think there's this mutual distrust between us because of this.
    I have only known one other ENFJ and wouldn't even be able to recognize them as the same type. I think this is because Fe is sort of subjective to who or what the ENFJ surrounds themselves with? And yes. People are different I have no idea. Maybe and ENFJ can come along and shed some light on how to counteract this cycle.
    You said it better than I did. I am horrible at trying to explain myself and certain situations. He is extremely sensitive and vulnerable. I also suspect that he has a low self esteem? The only thing that I said to him was to not drink the water in China (harmless joking around) and he quickly excused himself and he has been avoiding me ever since. Overreacting much? For the past four months he has contacted me at least once a day. As of now I haven't spoken to him for what seems like an eternity and I know that he sees me.

    But then again, I did make that water joke because I knew that it would hurt his feelings; I do not know. It feels like he is constantly mocking me or trying to control me. There is nothing that I resent more than someone trying to manipulate me.
    Between that cigarillo and sticking my finger down my throat to see if I could DT, I feel like puking RN.

    Read my Blog.

  4. #4
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    people have different values which ends up making them be different within the same type

    their actions might be different, their reasoning is usually the same and the guy you mentioned sounds like an ENFJ

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