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  1. #1

    Default Fellow ENTJ's, help me

    I have this one friendship that I feel is getting out of control.
    Let me start by explaining how it came to be.

    I go to high school with very few white kids. It is a huge public school, but we are no doubt in a huge minority. I am fine with this. I like the culture my school gives me in contrast to my all white/asian private school I had previously attended.

    I switched into my current school start of junior year. In all of my classes, I noticed that there was one other white kid. I befriended him, naturally, and soon learned that he smoked weed. Now, me being a lover of the fine herb, a connection was formed between me and this kid that I hardly even knew.

    Now, here is the thing that gets me, and where my ENTJ side comes out. This is the side of myself that I hate (and the side that I presume all ENTJ's hate). This kid is nice. Really nice. So much so that he began smoking me out (paying for my weed) everyday without anything in return. At first I thought that this was cool because he was a really chill guy. A guy that was fun to smoke with, pass hours with in school, and best of all, he provided the herb.

    I soon learned that we were incompatible. I am the obnoxious ENTJ that soft people hate, but headstrong people love. Love me or hate me and that is what I have come to accept. Every single thing that ENTJ's classically hate in people this guy fit the bill. The most forgetful, incompetent, soft, feely guy... a good guy, but WAY TOO NICE. Just not the right match for my personality type. And I soon realized this, but I kept hanging out with him because it was something to do and weed to smoke. Soon, he became full on clingy, following me everywhere in and out of school. It began to piss me off.

    I hate that I could be such a shallow person, rejecting such a nice guy merely because I deem him incompetent, but the truth is that it would just never work. So I have been attempting to drop the relationship totally because I feel that I am only hurting him (He is a feeler, always depressed). I am just far too overbearing and I know that deep down he doesn't like me. He likes what I bring to the table - fun, humor, command, other friends of mine that he would have never been "cool" enough to meet on his own.

    I was always seeing this friend because of the isolation at our school and the refuge we found in cutting a class and smoking a bowl amongst 2, 3, 4, however many friends. It was fun, but I didn't want the relationship to continue. What can I say? I just can't stand people who make me drive 20 minutes to a location only to remember that they forgot the weed at home. Little shit like that that just RIPS me up with anger.

    So basically my dilemna is this - the kid is full on clinging to me. How can I get him to back the fuck off and preferably end the friendship altogether? I am in every single class with him so there is no avoiding contact. And he doesn't drive so i need to give him a ride home from school everyday. I am not a dick - if it is a good friend I will gladly give them a ride, but that is not the case. No matter how much I try to trick my mind into being nicer to him, we just don't click. I want him out of my life, following me around and having him cling on to me, texting me LITERALLY once every other hour throughout the day.

    I would love to just be my brute, honest self and end it, but the kid is mad depressed and I still need to see him everyday for school and give him a ride home. And usually, he tempts me with weed to make me hang out with him. As great a speak that I am, he always manages to manipulate me when weed is involved.

    So my question to this obscenely long post (and the length of this post is a testimony to how much the situation pisses me off), how do I end a friendship with somebody that I am forced to see everyday and also actively communicate with without causing their depression to destroy them? I am an ENTJ. I know what is of no use to me.

  2. #2
    Senior Member Gewitter27's Avatar
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    Whooooa, that was quite a big post you just destroyed there!
    I 96% N 93% T 75% P 63% 5w4 sp/sx/so ILI
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    I'm interested in what you percieve me to be. Johari/Nohari

  3. #3

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    Quote Originally Posted by Gewitter27 View Post
    Whooooa, that was quite a big post you just destroyed there!
    the answer came to me as soon as i reflected on it

  4. #4
    Senior Member Gewitter27's Avatar
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    Heh...... Quite a situation there......

    I'd never have any problems with this sort of thing because the whole 'Free Grass' would never have gotten me in the very beginning... I personally want to stay away from drugs, they screw your mind up... And my mind is the only thing I've got!
    I 96% N 93% T 75% P 63% 5w4 sp/sx/so ILI
    Ti>Ne>Te>Ni>Si>Fi>Se>Fe
    I'm interested in what you percieve me to be. Johari/Nohari

  5. #5

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    Quote Originally Posted by Gewitter27 View Post
    Heh...... Quite a situation there......

    I'd never have any problems with this sort of thing because the whole 'Free Grass' would never have gotten me in the very beginning... I personally want to stay away from drugs, they screw your mind up... And my mind is the only thing I've got!
    I put it back out of curiosity from hearing others responses.
    For me it isn't so much the free grass but moreso something to do at school other than school, if you know what I mean. Although, I do admit I have a mild mental addiction.

  6. #6
    Senior Member tinkerbell's Avatar
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    can I suggest you befreinded him because you felt like a minority, so he likel feels the same, why not introduce him to some pther people you think would suit his disspossition and slowly wean him onto someone else... then he may get more involved with them than you.... you can keep him as a casual aquantance.. and not be a dick...

    Just a thought...

  7. #7
    Shaman BlackCat's Avatar
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    Don't be too extreme with this, you don't need to fully cut off the friendship, you just need distance.

    Make some more friends, that would be the preferable solution, you both need more people to associate with other than each other.
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

    sCueI (primary Inquisition)

  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by BlackCat View Post
    Don't be too extreme with this, you don't need to fully cut off the friendship, you just need distance.

    Make some more friends, that would be the preferable solution, you both need more people to associate with other than each other.
    I could have given a more thorough description but I didn't feel like typing any longer.

    I have a lot of other friends, and he does too. Mine are more respected socially whereas his are not as much so. He is jumping into my friendships with other people and just clinging onto my life all the time because like I said, he likes what I am bringing to the table. By hanging out with me he thinks he gets "+ cool points" which is the completely wrong way to look at a friendship in the first place.

  9. #9

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    Quote Originally Posted by tinkerbell View Post
    can I suggest you befreinded him because you felt like a minority, so he likel feels the same, why not introduce him to some pther people you think would suit his disspossition and slowly wean him onto someone else... then he may get more involved with them than you.... you can keep him as a casual aquantance.. and not be a dick...

    Just a thought...
    I have introduced him to my friends and they like him. I am glad for that, genuinely. But he clings to me.

    Also one more thing that I didn't want to mention but now I feel I must. Objectively speaking I am a good looking guy. People tell me this often and I try to be as humble as I can possibly be (which is hard for an ENTJ). This is the main reason he is drawn to me so deeply, and I know for a fact that he is bisexual. Anyways, it is hard to convey the complexity of the situation through text and without actually experiencing it yourself, but I have thought this through. I just need to know how to end it. It is what is best for ME. But I do not want to hurt this kid.

  10. #10
    Shaman BlackCat's Avatar
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    Oh wow. I guess I missed that detail where you mentioned other friends.

    Well in that case... Shit.

    I don't know man. If you want to end the friendship or change it you could tell him that you aren't really comfortable with what's been happening.

    But I don't really know. Apart of me wants to tell you just to end it because that's what you want to do, and another part of me wants to tell you to not end it...

    I've had experience with becoming distant with people I was really close to. If he could find some other way of getting home, or if something conveniently happened to your car to where you couldn't, then you would get much more distant. But the fact that you have classes with him poses a problem.
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

    sCueI (primary Inquisition)

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