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  1. #21

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    Quote Originally Posted by tinkerbell View Post
    My flag on the weed isn't about addiction (it's not THAT addictive just habitual which you know).

    Weed can cause very pronouced paranoya and trigger mental health issues in people. It doens't take that long a tennure to create problems.....

    Yes actually a year is too long, you have holidays and breaks and school terms are only about 8 months so when do you finish - June?

    It's a tricky call because school life is pretty all consuming....

    How about getting yourself a part time job or something....
    I do have to cut down on the weed. Part of it has to do with me being bored a lot of the time. What better way to cure boredom? I would love a job, and not just a part time job - a full time job. $8 an hour minimum wage? I don't care. I enjoy working and I feel good getting rewarded for my efforts (unlike school).

    Job hunting is hard though. Until I get a job, I have too much free time and I have no excuses to tell him "no." Every moment I have of free time he insists we meet up. You run out of excuses after a while.

    Yea, we finish in June. It is way too long. I can't let him cling onto me for another year, but I see no other way. I have already received 4 texts from him today, all of which I have not and will not respond to. The thing is, he will just keep shooting texts to me throughout the day.

    I just thought of a brilliant idea - I will ride my bike to school everyday. I like riding my bike, and I get 20 minutes of excercise twice a day. It will be good. No more going to my car during nutrition and lunch to smoke weed. No more rides home after school which turn into hanging out. It is brilliant

  2. #22
    Senior Member tinkerbell's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bLAze View Post
    I do have to cut down on the weed. Part of it has to do with me being bored a lot of the time. What better way to cure boredom? I would love a job, and not just a part time job - a full time job. $8 an hour minimum wage? I don't care. I enjoy working and I feel good getting rewarded for my efforts (unlike school).
    Cut out the weed like all together... (sorry i know I sound prudish but I've got way to many people who are perminantly scarred in my life to change my opinion on it). being an NT is hard enough without adding paranoya to it....

    Try and get any job, it will give you a focus, some financial independance and lower your free time. Even if it's just delivering pizza or helping out somewhere on the min wadge... at your age the salary is not the issue.

    Alternatively there has to be some useful occupation
    you could do.... if not your an ENTJ for crying out loud, get of your bum and start something....

    A suggestion, if you can't find work, see if you can lead a project between industry and the school....

    Have you read Outliers by Malcom Gladwell... Bill Gates got into computers and then got asked to help out at a local firm etc etc... find something that engages your brain and you will find peace of mind..... It's not a heavy read...

    The world wont always come to you, so you may need to go to the world and start something - which will stand you in stead for collage applications and the likes...

  3. #23

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    Quote Originally Posted by tinkerbell View Post
    Cut out the weed like all together... (sorry i know I sound prudish but I've got way to many people who are perminantly scarred in my life to change my opinion on it). being an NT is hard enough without adding paranoya to it....

    Try and get any job, it will give you a focus, some financial independance and lower your free time. Even if it's just delivering pizza or helping out somewhere on the min wadge... at your age the salary is not the issue.

    Alternatively there has to be some useful occupation
    you could do.... if not your an ENTJ for crying out loud, get of your bum and start something....

    A suggestion, if you can't find work, see if you can lead a project between industry and the school....

    Have you read Outliers by Malcom Gladwell... Bill Gates got into computers and then got asked to help out at a local firm etc etc... find something that engages your brain and you will find peace of mind..... It's not a heavy read...

    The world wont always come to you, so you may need to go to the world and start something - which will stand you in stead for collage applications and the likes...
    It is something I definitely need to think about. I know that longterm it is bad for me. I agree with you. But in the short term, it gives me something to do and I am habitually addicted. Eek...

    I need a job. You are right. I need to do something about that.
    A girlfriend would be great too.
    And then riding my bike so I won't be obliged to give him rides.

    I think, like anything, I need to make a conscious effort. If I really want him to back the fuck off, I need to plan my actions accordingly and do it myself. Shit won't just fall into place for me, I need to make it happen. Now that I have actually let these feelings out to someone, I feel more confident in what needs to be done.

    Thanks for the help Tinkerbell

  4. #24
    Senior Member tinkerbell's Avatar
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    your welcome,

    take small steps, you are trying very hard not to upset this guy which is a good thing, but ENTJ's boredom and snapping all seem to go together...

    Good luck with finding productive use of your time

    OK I'm away to count Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz's

  5. #25
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    I think as ENTJs we get stressed out a overwhelmed and revert to our inferioir introverted feeling and take into account too much of another persons feelings in a situation to do what is truly best for us. Now, it is inferior because it is our less developed and because our most developed are not giving us the answers we want, we revert down to dealing with something we feel more comfortable with not giving us the answer. Try to go back to your roots and use your thinking and intuition. Is sticking around really best? Are you just perpetuating this person current state? What is best for YOU since you don't know what is best for THEM?

  6. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by GatorGirl View Post
    I think as ENTJs we get stressed out a overwhelmed and revert to our inferioir introverted feeling and take into account too much of another persons feelings in a situation to do what is truly best for us. Now, it is inferior because it is our less developed and because our most developed are not giving us the answers we want, we revert down to dealing with something we feel more comfortable with not giving us the answer. Try to go back to your roots and use your thinking and intuition. Is sticking around really best? Are you just perpetuating this person current state? What is best for YOU since you don't know what is best for THEM?
    Wow thank you, the whole reverting to Fi when being too overwhelmed with others' Fe idea you just said has really just helped me understand something I'm dealing with right now. Awesome

  7. #27
    ThatGirl
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    To the op:

    You tell them their incompetency is starting to become highly annoying and you don't want to hang out because you're not up for another rendition of I forgot my shit.

    If you want to make yourself feel better give him some weed as a parting gift.

    Also always let him know this could be a short term thing, you never know when he may come in hand so reserve the right to change your mind at any time.

  8. #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by bLAze View Post
    I have introduced him to my friends and they like him. I am glad for that, genuinely. But he clings to me.

    Also one more thing that I didn't want to mention but now I feel I must. Objectively speaking I am a good looking guy. People tell me this often and I try to be as humble as I can possibly be (which is hard for an ENTJ). This is the main reason he is drawn to me so deeply, and I know for a fact that he is bisexual. Anyways, it is hard to convey the complexity of the situation through text and without actually experiencing it yourself, but I have thought this through. I just need to know how to end it. It is what is best for ME. But I do not want to hurt this kid.

    At this point I think there is no way you could go about ending the friendship without hurting him... The best way to go about it would be to slowly put distance between the friendship. Try to build up the will power to not smoke weed with him again, ever. You'll see him in class but over time he will get that you aren't interested in smoking weed and if you're lucky he may even think that you two have just 'changed' and are no longer compatible as friends. By no means do you need to completely ignore him, just stop hanging out with him after classes. I had a similar situation like this where my ISFJ friend would smoke me up and then sit around saying/doing nothing. The only time we would talk about anything is if I would ask him questions non-stop and that was hardly satisfying. After speaking with my ISTP friend (ISTP's make great friends for ENTJ's, in small doses) we both agreed we just wouldn't answer his phone calls. After a while he began to be slightly resentful and felt like we were using him, which to some degree was true. Fortunately for me we weren't in all the same classes but I did play football and lacrosse with him. These days we are on good terms and smoke weed once in a while but I know where to draw the line and he doesn't seem to try to cross it anymore. I still feel bad about the situation because I get no joy out of being an asshole but nothing frustrates me more than hanging out with people I don't get ANY energy/insight from.

  9. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by bLAze View Post
    I do have to cut down on the weed. Part of it has to do with me being bored a lot of the time. What better way to cure boredom? I would love a job, and not just a part time job - a full time job. $8 an hour minimum wage? I don't care. I enjoy working and I feel good getting rewarded for my efforts (unlike school).

    Job hunting is hard though. Until I get a job, I have too much free time and I have no excuses to tell him "no." Every moment I have of free time he insists we meet up. You run out of excuses after a while.

    Yea, we finish in June. It is way too long. I can't let him cling onto me for another year, but I see no other way. I have already received 4 texts from him today, all of which I have not and will not respond to. The thing is, he will just keep shooting texts to me throughout the day.

    I just thought of a brilliant idea - I will ride my bike to school everyday. I like riding my bike, and I get 20 minutes of excercise twice a day. It will be good. No more going to my car during nutrition and lunch to smoke weed. No more rides home after school which turn into hanging out. It is brilliant
    I had the same problem with weed for exactly the same reason... I can't stand boredom. Getting a job has been pretty hard lately for me too but I really want to work. I got a raise after my first two months working my first job because of naturally high work ethic and drive. I loved accomplishing things and making them work perfectly which pleased my manager. Anyways, I'd love to be in a position to do that again as I'm sure any ENTJ would. Nowadays I run 5 and a half miles/day 5 times a week which gives me a great sense of accomplishment + that sweet feeling you get after a heavy workout. Try pushing your workout to the limit. Depending on your age you'll start to have less of a desire to smoke weed (as much) once you realize the limitations it's putting on your productive time. Not really sure what your age is but I'm 20 right now and this change in perspective happened gradually over the past year.

  10. #30

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    Quote Originally Posted by Silencio View Post
    At this point I think there is no way you could go about ending the friendship without hurting him... The best way to go about it would be to slowly put distance between the friendship. Try to build up the will power to not smoke weed with him again, ever. You'll see him in class but over time he will get that you aren't interested in smoking weed and if you're lucky he may even think that you two have just 'changed' and are no longer compatible as friends. By no means do you need to completely ignore him, just stop hanging out with him after classes. I had a similar situation like this where my ISFJ friend would smoke me up and then sit around saying/doing nothing. The only time we would talk about anything is if I would ask him questions non-stop and that was hardly satisfying. After speaking with my ISTP friend (ISTP's make great friends for ENTJ's, in small doses) we both agreed we just wouldn't answer his phone calls. After a while he began to be slightly resentful and felt like we were using him, which to some degree was true. Fortunately for me we weren't in all the same classes but I did play football and lacrosse with him. These days we are on good terms and smoke weed once in a while but I know where to draw the line and he doesn't seem to try to cross it anymore. I still feel bad about the situation because I get no joy out of being an asshole but nothing frustrates me more than hanging out with people I don't get ANY energy/insight from.
    Your last line right there hits the nail on the head. I gain nothing from this kid. I feel like shit, but it goes against my nature. What more can I do? Piss myself off and him in the process? Nuh-uh.

    Anyways, this is a problem that I have fixed mainly through using my P, consciously of course. I got a job, so I in turned got a fool-proof excuse as to not hang out with him. I stopped responding to texts. I have a job, so I can afford my own weed. No need for his. I stopped talking to him in school, barring random the inevitable random conversation. Rather than me searching for a solution, I have actually stopped searching and just let it be. I used my P and it worked, wow! And the best part about it is he finally got the message. We still talk occasionally and are on good terms, but he must have picked up on my change in manners (finally!). Now we are acquaintances and nothing more. Just the way I want it.

    Thanks for the help guys. A combination of whatever the hell you all said definitely worked. Now to incorporate the P in more areas of life....

    Quote Originally Posted by Silencio
    At this point I think there is no way you could go about ending the friendship without hurting him... The best way to go about it would be to slowly put distance between the friendship.
    This was in essence what I did. Instead of my all or nothing mentality I settled for the middle ground and it is currently working quite well. Go figure.

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