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  1. #31
    Ghost Monkey Soul Vizconde's Avatar
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    ^Thx for illuminating
    I redact everything I have written or will write on this forum prior to, subsequent with and or after the fact of its writing. For entertainment purposes only and not to be taken seriously nor literally.

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  2. #32
    Senior Member tinkerbell's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jenocyde View Post
    I think it's less of creating impossible criteria and more of weighing how much you are willing to put up with, especially if you are absolutely fine with the way your life is to begin with. I see some people sacrifice so much of themselves to be in a relationship, due to a desperate fear of being alone. I have no such fear, so I don't feel the need to make compromises that I am not comfortable with. It's only when the benefits outweigh the annoyances do I even consider it. And even still, the annoyances have to minor...
    You know do you think that NT are just too content (sometime for the own good), with their own company/projects etc... to the point they deny needing relationships and deny themselves of that type of growth opportunity?

  3. #33
    half mystic, half skeksis jenocyde's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by tinkerbell View Post
    You know do you think that NT are just too content (sometime for the own good), with their own company/projects etc... to the point they deny needing relationships and deny themselves of that type of growth opportunity?
    Yes, without a doubt - at least in my case. It's not like I denied needing relationships, I just denied needing certain types of relationships. And I still do. I don't believe that everyone "needs" a specific thing.

  4. #34
    Senior Member tinkerbell's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jenocyde View Post
    Yes, without a doubt - at least in my case. It's not like I denied needing relationships, I just denied needing certain types of relationships. And I still do. I don't believe that everyone "needs" a specific thing.
    I was meaning need in terms of personal growth...

    I guess is boils down to a risk reward type balance....

  5. #35
    meh Salomé's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jenocyde View Post
    I think it's less of creating impossible criteria and more of weighing how much you are willing to put up with, especially if you are absolutely fine with the way your life is to begin with. I see some people sacrifice so much of themselves to be in a relationship, due to a desperate fear of being alone. I have no such fear, so I don't feel the need to make compromises that I am not comfortable with. It's only when the benefits outweigh the annoyances do I even consider it.
    +1
    People tell me my standards are too high, but I don't even have a conscious set of criteria. I just don't give it any thought - until I meet someone who makes me think, that is.
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    Gosh, the world looks so small from up here on my high horse of menstruation.

  6. #36
    Black Magic Buzzard Kra's Avatar
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    I've always had rather high expectations from relationships. Probably because I have high expectations of my own character that I'm very rigid about.
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    Ni > Te > Ti = Fi > Ne > Si = Fe > Se

  7. #37
    See Right Through Me Bubbles's Avatar
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    Oh, Fs aren't too different. For me I overthink being in a relationship to an alarming degree. It hurts my brain because I'm not used to this at all; I become highly pessimistic initially if I can't get the plausibility of a long term relationship settled in my head.

    And then I turn around and am like, wait wait. Where did my nice numbing F go? Why did it leave me?! COME BACK! Because overthinking depresses me so much.

    I've discovered just talking about it with my INTP helps because he can logic me out of all my confusion. And then he throws all the idealistic Fe he posseses on me. ^^;
    4w3, IEI, so/sx/sp, female, and Cancer sign.

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  8. #38
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    It was sort of funny, when I was younger I was much more Ti-rigid about relationships, expecting people to engage rationally, mocking and shunning sentiment. I remember even articulating for the person i eventually married that I couldn't tell them I loved them because it would be an irrational comment so early in the relationship, and I took love far more seriously than just to say something that would reflect transient feelings.

    (I was really the romantic, wasn't I? Gawd.)

    I still take my relationships very seriously, but I accept people as who they are nowadays rather than judge them stringently by my criteria. I can appreciate people for their own strengths; it's just that I know what sort of people I can make a deep personal investment in and which ones I can like and accept but just can't feel much for on a romantic and personal level.

    I have a lot of trouble just having a "fling" and enjoying things until they dissipate. I will either hold part of myself back or I just won't bother. My intuition tells me upfront whether something will work and/or how much it will cost me to have a chance, and so I nip things in the bud up front; I've been in enough hard relationships to know now what I am willing to invest and not invest. I finally am in a spot where I *could* choose to indulge in a casual fling if I desired, but it's still a very weird feeling to me, to view a relationship as so transient.

    With LTRs, I really really take it seriously and have to trust the person. I have a very playful casual side to me on the surface that I wear as a mask, to disarm people and keep them from reacting in extreme ways (I keep things low-key), and I suppose it's not really a "mask" because it is a valid facet of who I am; but inside I can get very serious and touchy especially with boundary issues. I want to go to the core of someone's being and have them to the core of mine, I want to be entirely emotionally intimate as human beings... but I can smell control issues a mile away and shy away from anyone who I feel is trying to manipulate or control me.

    So it is this weird mix of playfulness on the surface but serious and passionate intensity underneath it all, it's hard to find people who can do both, who can go deep fearlessly without trying to control me to protect themselves.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  9. #39
    half mystic, half skeksis jenocyde's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    So it is this weird mix of playfulness on the surface but serious and passionate intensity underneath it all, it's hard to find people who can do both, who can go deep fearlessly without trying to control me to protect themselves.
    I hear ya, sistah. This is definitely another part of it... I was very lucky to have found my similarly thinking INTP guy. Although if he were to leave me tomorrow, I would be quite content to go it alone for the rest of my duration here (after I hospitalized him, of course )

  10. #40
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jenocyde View Post
    I hear ya, sistah. This is definitely another part of it... I was very lucky to have found my similarly thinking INTP guy.
    The closest I've found right now is this INFP guy with a strong balanced T streak (works as a programmer too). I'm the more impersonal of the two but we overlap in the middle, and we both like to "N" around.

    For some reason I thought I would like ENFJ guys but... something is off there, not sure what. We're not quite in sync.

    Although if he were to leave me tomorrow, I would be quite content to go it alone for the rest of my duration here (after I hospitalized him, of course )
    Well, of course; if both of his legs are broken, you know exactly where he is. (Well, and with that feeding machine attached.)

    Ahh..... NT wubbies -- how romantic!
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

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