[INTJ] Tips for an INTJ to cope with an emotional boss?

[Cindy]

I really need some tips here because I'm getting disgruntled and I know that is not a constructive path. My boss is going through a rough patch at home and bringing it to work with her, although she has always been vocal about how she hates coming to work and is frequenltly absent. For some reason I can't help but react to her snappiness. In turn I worry about how other people are perceving my reactions, I fear for my workplace reputation and am kicking myself on the inside. My current tactic is to avoid contact as much as possible, ie ignore indirect questions and only answer them if no-one else does and if I need help ask someone else. Unfortunately we work quite closely together. I'm not seeing much point in raising it with her because I'm certain she will perceive it as my problem as she does not take responsiblity easily. I'm considering alerting her boss for the sake of everyone but fear that would have a negative impact on me. Thankfully other people are noticing her snappiness but they think there is some workplace reason. I'm keeping quiet so far.

I think she is being extremely unprofessional and putting extra stress on her subordinates in an already stressful work environment. I resent the fact that I receive no appreciation for my work from her and all I get is her negativity. I'm actually thinking about looking for another job even though I like the work however I will rise to the challenge of dealing with this the best I can in the meantime. I'm going to guess she is an I?F? but not one of the most emotional F's I've ever met. Any new perspectives appreciated. I would like to be less negative about this.

 

[tinkerbell]

She's a person, and yes bringing stuff into work is not really a good idea but it's nuts to think it wont happen.

If this situation was the other way round, she would be seen to be callous and uncaring/unsuportive of her team.

I can appreciate it is difficult for you, but you seem to be doing what you can to avoid getting involved. If you were an F type you'd probably drag her to a bar and get her lashed and weepy.... don't expect you to do that.

If other people are noticing someone is bound to put two and two together.

She's not having an easy time at home, it wont go on forever if it does try and move teams. People's lives wobble a bit they then stablise again.

 

[Cindy]

Hmmm... I meant I'm avoiding talking to her about work issues. I don't avoid talking to her about her personal issues. Now that you mention it though, I'm pretty sure she doesn't speak to anyone much about how she feels which is why I was considering telling her boss cos then she would be encouraged to get some help. It has been going on for a very long time now. OK so maybe I will ask her how things are going a bit more.

 

[Not_Me]

Boss or not, if she act unprofessionally, stand up for yourself. Give her a dose of her own medicine. If she snap at you do the same to her. It will teach her to how to treat you. She might even end up respecting you. Many people are simply unaware of how their behavior affects others.

I had an ESTJ boss who responded very well to this approach after the initial shock. He became much more aware of his crankiness and learned to control it better.

You should not go to her boss without trying to resolve the issue first, or you will be seen as a troublemaker by other potential bosses.

 

[IrishGuy]

I think I would just keep nodding and say "that sounds terrible. I'm sorry to hear about that and I hope things get better." Her personal problems are exactly that; her personal problems. There's not much you can do for her. I would make that clear to her that you are sorry about what is happening to her, but there is really nothing you can do about it. The workplace is for work.