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  1. #11
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    In my diagnosis you seem to have given way to human emotion rather than following the dictates of reason. Emotions are not an entirely unknown quantity. They indicate what they will be tomorrow by what they are today. It is, therefore, likely that until you resolve this matter through rigorous intellectual thought, this overall feeling, as it were, will persist. In order to resolve this feeling, therefore, requires objectification and intellectualization of the feeling. As such, you will need to translate the feeling into words in a way that is accessible to contemplation and careful analysis. On the other hand, in the concrete world it is often the case that a base emotion doesn't just go away but only goes away when it is superceded by another base emotion. As a result, you can use your conscious will to direct yourself to pursue activities that have historically shown a strong correlation between the experience and the feeling. Thus, the first question you must ask is how would you like to feel? The common answer would be happy. Then what, therefore, has historically provided you with happiness and peace of mind? Personally, I know that one of the calmest environments known to me is sitting by a blazing fire contemplating. This creates a dynamic for deep introspection and reflection and I can therefore think through feelings that had hitherto been locked up. Further, I know that if I sense I am in a slump, going and playing hockey or drinking something with caffein in it will help perk me up. Thus, you are your own psychologist and you, therefore, will need to establish an accounting of your history with a catelogue of emotions and the environments that correletated with those emotions. Then your duty is clearly defined. If you want to feel X, subject yourself to an environment that has historically allowed you to feel X. Now, it could be the case that you're not as formulaic as most, and that getting you to feel a certain way is not as simple as Y=mx+b. Such is the irrational nature of emotion. Nonetheless, as an INTJ the two approaches above have historically been an effective way for me to deal with these sorts of things.

  2. #12
    Nerd King Usurper Edgar's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by thescientist View Post
    I'm not even sure if that's what it is. I'm still learning the MBTI.

    I've been the most emotionally unhealthy person as of late. Obsessive, panicky, anxious, extremely paranoid, insecure, ANGRY. And yes, it's all due to a little rejection by someone I liked very much. Well, actually, multiple rejections by the same person. I start over-analyzing every single word, action, movement...it's awful.
    INTJs don't like the idea of failure, so if an approach doesn't work, they keep adjusting it and re-trying until it does. As great as it may be at getting a lot of things done, it can also lead to a problem of not knowing when to cut one's losses.

    The thing about relationships - it takes two to tango. So if the other person isn't reciprocating, you are missing a vital portion of the equation... a portion you have no control over.

    The sooner as you realize that, the sooner you will be able to move on and put your mind at ease.
    Listen to me, baby, you got to understand, you're old enough to learn the makings of a man.

  3. #13
    Senior Member thescientist's Avatar
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    Thanks everyone for your advice. I read everyone's feedback and every bit is motivating me to get better.

    Quote Originally Posted by Edgar View Post
    INTJs don't like the idea of failure, so if an approach doesn't work, they keep adjusting it and re-trying until it does. As great as it may be at getting a lot of things done, it can also lead to a problem of not knowing when to cut one's losses.

    The thing about relationships - it takes two to tango. So if the other person isn't reciprocating, you are missing a vital portion of the equation... a portion you have no control over.

    The sooner as you realize that, the sooner you will be able to move on and put your mind at ease.
    That makes complete sense to me as an INTJ. Especially because I HAVE been feeling like a failure. But you're right. It's out of my control.

    He's gone for a month. I'm taking this time to refocus on myself and regain my confidence and just forgive myself for the stupid mistakes I've made. Forgiving myself will be very difficult, because I feel like there are many things I could have handled differently. Alas, you live you learn.


    Quote Originally Posted by Lethe View Post
    It took me about 4-5 years to successfully master my Fi, so don't give up hope yet. Kudos for admitting that you have tertiary Fi: this isn't the easiest function to manage in my experience. My journey had countless ups and downs, and the most important thing is to not loose track of your main purpose whenever you become frustrated with the slow-moving process, or dead-ends. Your values could easily stir up quite a commotion, and here, you must absolutely balance them out with Ni and Te. Use Ni to seek out the purpose and Te to select the ideal goal before engaging in Fi. This will cut down on the emotional noise and allow you to focus on what matters most. It's like surfing on the internet: if you don't initially have the end in mind, you could waste valuable time on unnecessary activities.

    *PS: Don't try to control your feelings. Manage your feelings. Refrain from being judgmental of them.
    Thanks for the tips above. That's a good breakdown for me. Purpose is important...

  4. #14
    Filthy Apes! Kalach's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by thescientist View Post
    He's gone for a month. I'm taking this time to refocus on myself and regain my confidence and just forgive myself for the stupid mistakes I've made. Forgiving myself will be very difficult, because I feel like there are many things I could have handled differently. Alas, you live you learn.
    Another nuance to that is, you've discovered that you have needs and wants. These are legitimate and will persist and they'll be there with all the people you meet in the future. Right now they're hyper-focused on this one guy, and that's not working out well for you, but they're real and they come from somewhere that is you.

  5. #15
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    I think there are very good posts here. "Mastering your Fi" is what my ISTJ-brother would need to do much. He, even to this date still tries untirely to find connection to both me and my mother. I've tried to make him feel secured and everything but he just have this way of making my thoughts disorganized, wich makes me pissed of and feel betrayed and I give up on pleasing him. I kinda feel he rejects my Fe, because whenever I use Fe he is getting bone hard critical and whenever I ask a series question (Ni) he starts bullshitting (Si). It feels like he wants something from me yet he doesn't give anything himself. Although I think our sensitive sides doesn't see eachother eye to eye. He is 25 and I am 21 and lately I have been more and more focused on questionize his way of being because it has pissed me of so much over the years and I am tired of being a doormat to his shortcomings. Yet he keeps wanting to hang out with me quiet often, wich makes me think how deeply misguided Fi can be and I mean DEEPLY.

  6. #16
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    I think Edgar is on to something!

  7. #17
    Priestess Of Syrinx Katsuni's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by thescientist View Post
    I'm not even sure if that's what it is. I'm still learning the MBTI.

    I've been the most emotionally unhealthy person as of late. Obsessive, panicky, anxious, extremely paranoid, insecure, ANGRY. And yes, it's all due to a little rejection by someone I liked very much. Well, actually, multiple rejections by the same person. I start over-analyzing every single word, action, movement...it's awful.

    I feel like a crazy person. I cant seem to control my feelings or stop them from turning into irrational actions of desperation. OMG I hate feeling like this. How do I get a grip on my emotions?? I had a complete nervous/emotional breakdown this morning.

    I have a history of chronic depression/high levels of anxiety. I weaned myself off the meds recently, and I dont think that was a good decision. But even before then, I still could not properly control my feelings.
    I've had this happen before as well. It's not really strange though; if someone jabs yeu with a knife to yeur heart, then twists it, and gives a few more stabs for good measure, something's very, very, very wrong if yeu aren't affected by it in this way.

    The more yeu value someone's opinion, the more weight it holds. If it's someone close, that yeu've opened up to, (for those of us who do this slowly this's even more weight by far) it can be disasterous.

    The last time I had someone do this to me, I was out of it for about half a year like that. If I got laid off from a job, it usually sets me down the same path to the point that I can't even apply for a new job until I'm emotionally secure again.

    It sucks... but whot can yeu do? If yeu find the answer, let me know, as I could use it myself.

  8. #18
    Filthy Apes! Kalach's Avatar
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    Kat, scanning as I do for gist, going fast through written words coz Ni lets me, yeu might as well write a wall of "yeu".

    Yew, yu, yoo -- these wouldn't trip any alarms-- but "yeu"?

    Wii?! Tell me wii!

  9. #19
    Senior Member Uytuun's Avatar
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    you, rouge, you

  10. #20
    Senior Member thescientist's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Katsuni View Post
    The more yeu value someone's opinion, the more weight it holds. If it's someone close, that yeu've opened up to, (for those of us who do this slowly this's even more weight by far) it can be disasterous.
    This is an interesting point. I think his opinion of me holds a lot of weight. Not only because we work in the same field, but because he's a highly desirable and good-looking male.

    I think I was shocked by the fact that he was interested in me to begin with at all. So losing that was like a huge blow to my self-esteem and I felt like an insecure fool.

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