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  1. #1
    Senior Member Dark Razor's Avatar
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    Default How are ENTJs intimidating?

    This is actually a serious question, because I dont think that I am behaving in a particularly aggressive way, often I even try to tone down the way I talk, tone down my voice and such. Yet many times people start stuttering when talking to me and I can see the fear in their eyes, though I dont know how to put them at ease in such a situation.

    Some other people, like my ENTP and ISTP friends, usually find hilarious what I do (whatever that is).

    Anyways, I was just wondering what it is that makes us "intimidating" and how ENTJs are perceived from the outside.

    Another point is the supposedly "controlling" behaviour, I am not really sure what "controlling" behaviour even looks like, and I dont think I am controlling of social situations. Most times I will just go along with what other people want to do when socializing, and I try to make sure that everyone is ok with what is decided upon. When with friends I am usually easy going, I actually act a lot like my ESTP friend when we are out having fun, note though that work does not count as "social situation", there I am much more my ENTJ self, and experience that people are afraid of, though I am not sure why.

    I will stop now before I keep on repeating myself, bring on your views and opinions pls.

  2. #2
    Senior Member htb's Avatar
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    Dark Razor -- are you, when in an active discussion or debate, ever admonished by others, who wonder why you appear "so angry," when in fact you're simply engaged?

  3. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dark Razor View Post
    This is actually a serious question, because I dont think that I am behaving in a particularly aggressive way, often I even try to tone down the way I talk, tone down my voice and such. Yet many times people start stuttering when talking to me and I can see the fear in their eyes, though I dont know how to put them at ease in such a situation.
    I have noticed this behavior around my ENTJ sister. She has a very commanding presence and people are often afraid to approach her. The way to counteract that initial impression is by smiling. People are attracted to smiles, it puts them at ease.

  4. #4
    Senior Member xNFJiminy's Avatar
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    Sometimes TJs don't express any feeling or non-verbally indicate responses when spoken to, and the lack of feedback can be taken as possible rejection or make people wonder what they've done wrong.

    There's also a risk when you're toning yourself down that will others notice that you're not being natural, which might unsettle them further.

  5. #5
    Senior Member Dark Razor's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by htb View Post
    Dark Razor -- are you, when in an active discussion or debate, ever admonished by others, who wonder why you appear "so angry," when in fact you're simply engaged?
    Yes, often.

    Usually I have defended myself with "NO, I AM NOT ANGRY AT ALL!" which of course, was kind of counterproductive.

    I can't change my default mode of debating though, at least not when I am passionately engaged.

  6. #6
    Senior Member htb's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dark Razor View Post
    Yes, often. Usually I have defended myself with "NO, I AM NOT ANGRY AT ALL!" which of course, was kind of counterproductive. I can't change my default mode of debating though, at least not when I am passionately engaged.
    The same happens to me, and in fact happened last night. A statement was made, I wanted to work it out -- to have some fun trading factual and logical statements while resolving the issue -- and was (gently) accused of anger and attack. My counterpart (again, gently) declined a head-to-head.

    And, like you, I both a) temper my conduct so as not to come on strong, and b) have never thought of myself as aggressive or forbidding. I'm considerate, particularly in groups; and do not act as confidently in improvisation or effectively bluff as, say, ESxPs. So the charges often baffle me.

    I have tested solidly as an Enneagram 1w9, so there must be differences, though lately MBTI tests spit out ENTJ.

    My guess is this: whatever our respective personalities, there is an uncommon intensity which is so inherent that we don't notice it.

  7. #7
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    I can relate to what Dark Razor and htb say. I do not feel controlling or intimidating. I tend to view myself as a pretty laid back person who just happnes to like to share his opinions with others and enjoys a healthy discussion. I know that in my job I'm very focused and driven, but I don't see my behavior directly as being "over the top", I'm just concentrating on the task at hand and trying to do my best at it.

    Other people have told me that they have felt intimidated by me. I think it's the Extraverted Thinking which makes them feel that way. They have the impression that I could criticize what they say at any moment and that I will think negatively of them. What I tell them is that I feel that they have many strengths and that if I take the time to discuss something with them, it's because I respect them.

    In the enneagram, I identify with type 1w9 (for being principled, conscientious, and wanting to do the right thing) and type 8w9 (for wanting to be independent, being at ease with challenging others and in particular authority, and defending others in unjust situations). The 9 wing is pretty prominent as I can be very laid back, calm, relaxed and accepting.

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by Maverick View Post
    I can relate to what Dark Razor and htb say. I do not feel controlling or intimidating. I tend to view myself as a pretty laid back person who just happnes to like to share his opinions with others and enjoys a healthy discussion. I know that in my job I'm very focused and driven, but I don't see my behavior directly as being "over the top", I'm just concentrating on the task at hand and trying to do my best at it.

    Other people have told me that they have felt intimidated by me. I think it's the Extraverted Thinking which makes them feel that way. They have the impression that I could criticize what they say at any moment and that I will think negatively of them. What I tell them is that I feel that they have many strengths and that if I take the time to discuss something with them, it's because I respect them.

    In the enneagram, I identify with type 1w9 (for being principled, conscientious, and wanting to do the right thing) and type 8w9 (for wanting to be independent, being at ease with challenging others and in particular authority, and defending others in unjust situations). The 9 wing is pretty prominent as I can be very laid back, calm, relaxed and accepting.
    You sound like a cool lady.

  9. #9
    Senior Member INTJMom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by hotmale View Post
    I have noticed this behavior around my ENTJ sister. She has a very commanding presence and people are often afraid to approach her. The way to counteract that initial impression is by smiling. People are attracted to smiles, it puts them at ease.
    This is an excellent suggestion.



    ENTJs are like a steamroller.
    It's not wise to stand in their path.

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by hotmale View Post
    You sound like a cool lady.
    The opposite of the hot male?

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