"romantic" has many definitions...
Cards, flowers, gifts, etc? Not really. Actively saying "I love yeu" before they do? Also not really. Going out to dinner, movies, etc? Erm... still not really >.>;;
Alright so I've never really considered myself romantic at all because of these definitions. However, I do like to think I show I care, just not in really obvious ways at times.
I will try to work whoever I care about into whotever I'm doing, no matter whot it is. I'll talk with them and express my thoughts and feelings to them, something I consider very deep and seen only by the most absolute trusted few. Any 'gifts' I give will be on holidays that demand gifts, and they will be carefully, well thought out ones... I just don't shower people with gifts at random occasions though, it seems trite and ruins the value of them. It's just not potent if yeu give these things out normally.
But yeah, my idea of 'romance' is a bit odd, and I've really never been much of a physical individual. Some people just looooove to toss out hugs and kisses at every opportunity... to everyone, not just their loved one. I dunno, I've always considered such to be reserved only for those I most care about. If yeu can get a hug out of me, it means something because I really don't like hugging people normally. It bothers me, and I just can't bring myself to do it, if yeu get one, it is an incredable showing of caring.
But yeah... like little compliments and such? I don't hand them out very well, I give a compliment when I feel someone's deserved it, and not before. I'm not going to just randomly say "yeu're so cute!" or whotever, it's like uhm... well I said that last time, I imagine it still applies so... when yeu do something really super out of the way ubercute, then I'll state so. Just tossing out compliments when they're not needed means they have no value when they ARE given out.
Most people haven't been able to tollerate this behaviour from me unfortunately. It's so hard for them to understand that I'm very reserved and not the wishy-washy zomg luuuuuuuuuuuuuuurve type. I'm just... very practical at times, and my personal beliefs are very strong.
For example, I *CRAVE* attention and compliments... but if I get such tossed at me without earning it? I'll punish myself and refuse it. Yeu can't just give out a random compliment to me, it cheapens it, and I get frustrated over it. I want to KNOW when I did something good... if I did well, I want to feel like I did well. If I screw up, I want support in fixing it. If every single thing I do is met with "zomg yeu're so awesome!" then it's like... alright big deal. It means nothing comming from yeu, yeu'd say that no matter whot. It's useless and it frustrates me. If I DO think I've earned something, I want validation. If I have to go fishing for compliments, they just end up feeling hollow and empty, and will be completely worthless to me. If yeu have to ask someone to tell yeu how great yeu are, it means NOTHING. If yeu get told ALL THE TIME how great yeu are... even when yeu don't deserve it... yeah it just cheapens it until it means nothing even when yeu do earn it. This's how my mind works, I apply it to others.... treat others as yeu yeurself would want to be treated.
The problem is, other people have different values. They may just absolutely LOVE to shower their SO with gifts, or compliments, or praise, and... they expect the same. I CAN'T do this. It feels wrong, and empty. If I try to do so, it will have ZERO meaning attached to it, it would be going through the motions to try to make them happy but it would be quite literally without any love in the actions. I don't like lying at all, or doing things I don't believe in. I want it to mean something when I speak. If I say I love yeu, I want those words to have MEANING, to really, truly, mean something deep and personal, and to know that I say so from the bottom of my heart. If it becomes a daily, common thing, the words are wasted, and the meaning lost.
As such, it depends on the definition of 'romantic' now doesn't it? Any of the 'normal' ways of showing romance, I don't follow. Does this make me unromantic? I guess not really, I've just judged myself by other's standards for too long and really thought such for a long time because of this. In reality, I'm very romantic... just in my own way.
The biggest way to tell though is my attention. If I spend every waking moment trying to be with yeu, then yeu've got my undivided attention. The only time this would break is if I feel compelled to do something, and yeu can't join. For example, if I really really really want to play a single player game... then I'll go do that... because my mind will not be on anything else but that until I do so, to sate the craving. Once that's finished, I'd return, and talk about it, and love sharing the experience. I'd prefer obviously to stick to things that we can do togeather, but it's not ALWAYS an option, despite whot some romantics would like to believe >.>
I dunno, I'm just a very practical romantic I think. I very well MAY insist on candlelight some day, but it'd be exceptionally rare. And I may just as easily insist on just talking in the dark, or would be more likely to chat about philosophy in bed than I would speak of how much I care for someone. The act that I AM trusting them with my opinions in such an environment, to me, does seem romantic.
I'm really not physically comfortable with people in general, run up to me and give me a hug and I'll freeze on the spot in panic, and just stand there frozen until yeu go away probably. If I can show physical attachment AT ALL, then yeu should consider yeurself highly privilged.
This goes with all things though, I have my own set of rules and expectations, they're far different, completely removed, from mainstream media. If yeu can understand that, then yeu can see how much I truly care. If yeu try to hold me to traditional standards, yeu just won't get it, and will probably think I'm an ice cold bitch at times. I'm not at all, I just don't express myself in traditional methods.
When I care for someone, I show it, clearly, at least in my own mind. I try to be romantic, in the way I understand. If I love someone, I will express so in the way my heart tells me to... not the way that the TV says I should, because really, whot's more romantic? To give someone yeur true heart, in the way that really is yeu? Or to pretend yeu're someone else, and provide false appearances? I'd rather like to think that showing love AS MYSELF should be the priority, and that being who I am is the most important thing to maintain... if I have to do something I'm not comfortable with (saying I love yeu every single day like clockwork for example), it will loose all meaning to me, and become mechanical. I don't see how this is romantic, or how it shows I care. And honestly, I don't think I ever will.
In any case, when I give my heart to someone, it's clear to me, though maybe not so much to a casual observer. If yeu know whot to look for, yeu'll know when I do, and can appreciate the little things, because it really is the little things that most people don't notice that shows it best. Because of my extreeme deviation from the norm though, I now have to explain this to anyone I care about so that they can understand. Because if they try to expect society's standards, or their own, they're just going to be let down. They need to know that I show my affections through whot truly matters to me. If yeu get my love, yeu know it's not made up or faked, it's true through and through, and isn't that more romantic than trying to mimic whot yeu saw on tv anyway?
EDIT: Oh yeah gift expression!
This's one that gets me in alot of trouble often, because I don't like having money thrown at me. An expencive gift, that is only considered a 'good' gift because it's expencive... is worthless to me.
For example, if someone got me a gold ring with diamonds on it, I don't care if it cost thousands of dollars, yeu just lost a HUGE amount of my respect by bringing that abomination to me.
Yes, I do not like gold and diamonds.
I'll give yeu a few moments to recover from the shock of that statement.
Better? Good. Let's continue.
I don't really like yellow, gold, or colours thereof. It has no appeal to me, and just because it's expencive, doesn't mean I care. Same with diamonds, they're so BORING. I know they're expencive and rare, but that really doesn't mean anything to me.
Whot I want, is a gift that truly shows yeu understand me, and that yeu care.
For example, had yeu gotten me a SILVER ring, with a cat's eye gem instead of a diamond, the cost would be maybe a few hundred absolute tops. It wouldn't be excessively rare or expencive, but it would match my tastes perfectly. It would show yeu know whot I enjoy, whot I care about and value, and are willing to give me something with more sentimental value, than just 'zomg i has teh moneiz!'.
My own gift giving is the same... I will seek out the PERFECT gift for someone, cost is generally irrelevant. But if it's not expencive when I find the perfect gift... yeu still get yeur perfect gift. Price means nothing, only the intent and thought behind it. If yeu get a gift from me for yeur birthday, it'll be something affectionate, and matching to yeur ideals. I expect nothing less for myself, and give nothing less to others.
For some odd reason though, this has caused all sorts of problems. People seem to somehow be like "WHAAA!?" when I mention the no gold/diamonds thing. It's like it's an abomination to their thinking. They can't even remotely grasp the concept. If someone got me an excessively expencive gift like that, that it would LOWER my respect for them, perhaps permenently? It's mind boggling to most it seems. I, however, do not understand their confusion.
Seriously, if one has to choose between "I saw this and thought of yeu" or "I didn't bother to think of yeu at all, but I had alot of money" it's like uhm... which would yeu rather have? >.>;
I thought it was a rather straightforwards answer. I really did. Apparantly it's not. But yeah, my gifts are sentimental in nature, closely attached to my SO's preferances. It matches THEM specifically. It may or may not be expencive, and it may or may not make any sense to anyone else, but as long as THEY appreciate it and know I chose it because it fit them perfectly, then it's all good.
(if it were a wedding ring I'd prefer titanium though, it doesn't tarnish, unlike silver, and has strong sentimental value as well, but only if the giver understands WHY it does... and that information is not for yeu people to know)
