[NT] So.. if life's a bitch, then am I wrong for trying to enjoy the ride?

[mysavior]

Hmm...

Welcome to the wonderful world of sex, drugs, and rock and roll. Rock with it, bitch, or else I'll kill you. Do you have what it takes to manage through to the next level. Fight the fight you were meant to fight and certainly you will succeed. What else do you expect from me, J**l? Love? I hate your life. Live better, and everything will be just fine. I want you to do very well, and there is only one way I know how. You will do whatever it takes, and I will help you. Stay alive. You will win this war, and I will be your guide. I hate the things you've shown me, and wish you a better and peaceful existence. Do well, eat well, live well, and prosper.

I want to tell you everything I have to say, but you are not ready to hear me. I will wait for the time, and then you will know. I want to hear your passion and your pain, and I want to see your success and your tribulation, because I think you make for a brighter tomorrow. You are the greatest person I know, yet you choose to squander it here. Live a little.

I hold it all in reprieve.

I'm losing it, damnit. I've heard one too many stories, and now I'm moving to believe what I don't even know. What. The. Hell?

So, we have the succubus, the legion, the titans, and other shit. I'm just not flowing with it. I would just take the reality at this point, the charades, while once fun, are now wearing on me.

I'm still going to get you for this! Every man for their sins, in the eyes of God, will suffer.

I want you to know that I haven't really enjoyed this, save a moment or two of "hope." If this is some guy, then given the shit-- OH SHIT! Freak...

At each turn of the page they say its me, but that is just one likelihood I'm not going to believe.

I think its easy to understand that this is just a game, and you just don't know who won.

Nah, I want to know what the point of this all is, why you were each keen to place your eye on me, and why you still stand here-- watching.

It all seems so odd. It just does not compute.

K*****A! YOU BITCH! I only mean that in a very specific way. So-- all else is damage control.

M****A-- Hmm.. what's the deal? I sense there's something "up" there, but I don't see the full picture.

And the legendary A****A. WTF? A few other names: S*****w, L***a, K****m? Dude? Seriously? M**t M******l, J**l M****n, Anonymous fat robotics guy with a poney tail.. HR person from e**y with the fucked up name-- G***************A? Immidiate fam-- I hope you are all clear of this-- would hate for that possibility to be true. Love you both.

I***n-- get the fuck over it, too.. I'm barred from thinking "evil" things about your wife. Thought that was worth mentioning.. not as though I ever planned on it.

And as for that one-- or two-- I don't have shit to say to you.

Oh, and another name for the list: dumbass A**t C*****k.. grow a pair, sissy.

More: g****t, L***a, weird ass C****n, how the fuck did I think the CEO dude and the co-founders were in on this-- oh, right, because they sent me signs-- you know, a few things out of the ordinary.

J*n F*********k, walking past me in N* N**e.. noticed it. And the S*******e, former e**y S*P.. you did something like that, too.. Then there's B**l C and P*****k P-- the look was "off"-- I noticed. And the Y*****e guy-- Seinfeld looking MF'er-- the look was off. That co-founder L***y kept popping up conspicuosly-- CEO walked right in front of me, once.. both you, CEO, and L***o, looked right fucking at me, but not at the same point in the meeting, when you announced the raise.. BTW-- I quit. Thanks for that ..

As for the woman from the meditation class-- lecture 3... Psst...

J*n W**g-- NICEEEEEEEEEEE! I got nothing but love for you.

New hire Berkeley [?] guy that sat behind me, taunting, saying dumb shit.. I heard you going through hell when I was leaving-- tough. Hope you aren't fucking with me now.. I don't fucking know you, dude...

Two people on the elevator when I was waiting for guest services.. you say, "you suck", I trip out thinking its all true.. but my message.. the same 'ole, "FUCK YOU." Eat shit.

A****a, sweetheart.. I think you need some counseling, boo boo. It aint looking pretty.

And God damnit, given the clues, if this all ends up being make believe. Certain parts I don't want to be real, but damn, if its all conjured from the imagination-- then I'm just lost. How, ever, could that be true?

Unthinkable.

That was corny!!!!!!!!!

Take some writing classes, and come with some level shit.

Let's talk about identity, J**l. What is it really? Nothing that you could ever say to me will make me believe that it isn't you. I know who you are now, and I have seen your worst nightmare. I think you were meant to stay here with me, and will always do in my heart.

I want to share with you what I've found. Clarity is divine. All else follows.

On your knees, head in the dirt, lift your eyes unto him-- for salvation. God is real.

I would be so stupid. Its right in front of me, and I just don't get it. Damnit. Its better to not believe you are JESUS, because you are NOT. Given certainty that JESUS is your claim, I'm comfortable having not believed. No man is Jesus. I know.

I don't think I am who you say I am. Although I'm intrigued by your message, and excited at the possibility-- I just don't see it.

How far can you go? When will you have crossed the line? Damnit!

Something about this continues to annoy the fuck out of me. Would you be brazen enough to steal my soul? Its good to know wrong from right. But more importantly, right now, how wrong such theft would be. That's a message just in case I'm not strong or capable enough to stop you.

FUCK YOU.

Waaaaaaaaaaaaa..

I have an idea.

In as much that it seems you are, I still hope that you aren't stupid.

Someone seems to like it when I write. You are beyond me. Seems you enjoy sharing your message. What else, pray tell, do you have to say? Your words astound me in their brilliance, and your ego seems unabated. Do you know that you are here now?

What?

Say something that makes sense. Clarify.

What is your idea?

Dance with me, for the rest of your life.

Dance with who?

Your mind, heart, body, and soul.

I still don't think its that simple. There must be something else.

You are a very persistent soul. You continue to INSIST. Stubborn child.

Explain yoursel(ves)?

Where is "here"?

And to the person that thinks I'm A****a-- who are you?

Are you using me to validate yourself, J**l?

J**l, J*****n?

Be more specific, mind fuck.

There is one possibility I would easily believe. The other I could only question.

And which one could you only question? That you are talking about J**l J*****n, or that you are talking about some OTHER J**l.

Tell me.

If you aren't real, then I'm out of my mind. I don't know when, I don't know why, and I can't see how it could be true. But if you are out there, what of your SHIT. What am I supposed to do with that?

You are obviously trying to tell me something.

You want me for my dick. I see it now. I'm not that kind of man. But if you are fly, and a woman-- we can talk.

I'm supposed to go into retail? WTF? Clear up your agenda.

What's that gas-like smell? Are you trying to kill me?

What would be cool would be to write a short story about this entire experience. I don't think I'll do it, but I wonder what others would think? Is the only spark in it all its closeness to the truth, questionable though it may be?

Its easier if I think its a woman. If its some guy. EWWWWWWWWWWWWWW----- because I don't think its me.

I am J**l, and of this I am certain. Do you believe me now?

What the fuck would you SUGGEST this to be, then-- conversation with self?

Seems like some science experiment that got FUCKED UP!!!!!! Damage control?

I haven't really been the recipient of envy before. Seems a bit odd.

When you say you think I'm A****a I don't believe you, but I also don't understand what you mean. Be more specific.

WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!

What's going on here?

You are someone.

Circuitous. Round and round. Ill- logical.

Does it matter? I'm more PISSED OFF about the watching, the voices, and the AUDACITY. Who would dare?

If you make yourself me, then you can blame ME for what you've done? Rather than take responsibility YOURSELF? Is that what's going on here?

I am.. clear on what happens next, for me. That's what I would say now.

Are you trying to learn from me?

Definitely, I'd recommend managing expectations. And, umm, knowing the limit to questionable activity.

Why lie?

Hello M******e L****e. Can't see why I'd still be on your mind.

 

[mysavior]

You are ruining my life.. you are sewing yourself into the very fabric of what I hold true. You are tainting every desire, every move, and you are trying to define my life on your own terms. I vote no to this line of activity. mysavior would like to be who he is, not who he is summed to with your bullshit. Take a step away from mysavior now, and leave him to the choices, the experiences, and to the civilized and reasonable struggle (and the ultimate reward) he expects to endure and that makes him human. You are not God, you are nothing, and your place is not with mysavior. mysavior does not want you, abominous shit stain on humanity. mysavior does not think you are him, and mysavior does not think you are God. mysavior blames you for what he has become. mysavior has lost his ability to be certain that he is responsible for his life, as everything he has trusted (to tell him so) is being marred with a doubt, thanks to your bullshit. mysavior does not truly know who you are, but he does know that you are not mysavior, and that you are not God. mysavior only needs to know that you are not him and that you are not God, and that you are pretending to be (in his eyes), and that you are seemingly trying to toy with him, and that you are trying to change him-- to know that you are NOT worth the cost. mysavior understands that he may be losing out on something worth having, but the very setup of this situation reeks to him, and he would rather be done with it all, than make a mistake and choose bullshit. mysavior does not want to owe anyone anything, especially in turn for something he doesn't really want, or in turn for something he knows he could get at much less cost, or in turn for something he could get through a bit of work on his part. mysavior does not like to be screwed over. mysavior does not like being told what to do by means of force or manipulation. mysavior would love God's hand in his life, but as he thinks God is already a part of his life, and as he thinks you are pretending to be (and not for good reasons), mysavior no longer feels the need to continually say... "no one tells me what to do-- unless its God-- but you are not God". mysavior also does not need to continually disclaimer his words by stating that "unless its me, but you aren't me, so leave ME alone, and that means you go, because you aren't me". mysavior KNOWS he is being toyed with, and he does not enjoy the idea that someone would do this to him, and that it IS happening to him. mysavior would like to be free of this SHIT. mysavior does not feel as though he should need to define what THIS SHIT is, because he thinks it is clear to all parties involved. mysavior only pressed to define what "this shit" is because he thinks YOU are an idiot. mysavior thinks YOU would be dumb enough to twist any ambiguity in his words to suit your own nefarious purpose. mysavior is not very happy at this time, even with the hard-ons, the incredible feeling between his legs, the small winnings on the stock market, or anything else, because he does not trust that he is responsible for the choices he has made in recent times. mysavior believes that his choices and thoughts have been MANIPULATED by YOU. mysavior believes his life has been muddied by someone, and he resents them for having the AUDACITY to meddle with his life. mysavior suspects wrong doing, and he knows that its YOU. YOU are not GOD, and you are NOT mysavior. Through it all, even without explicit (articulated, written, spoken) definition, mysavior knows who he is and mysavior knows who he is not. mysavior knows he has room to grow and mysavior knows that he has pieces of himself that he needs to better understand. But mysavior does not want your unsolicited help in pushing this along. The mere fact that mysavior has had to say out loud what he thinks to get some unfounded sense of "I've done my part" has tipped mysavior off that something is FUCKING WRONG. YOU ARE FULL OF SHIT. YOU ARE WRONG, YOU SHIT, YOU ARE NOT mysavior. mysavior DOES NOT WANT YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!

mysavior has bouts of rage, mysavior gets angry from time to time, but not like this. mysavior's anger is NOT wild and unhinibited. THIS IS NOT LIKE mysavior. mysavior does not want to continually meditate on this BULLSHIT. mysavior wants to be LEFT THE FUCK ALONE.

STOP LYING TO YOURSELF TO SCREW OVER mysavior. mysavior knows this is YOUR problem. mysavior knows it is NOT mysavior's problem, and that it is WRONG for him to have to deal with YOUR shit at this point in time. mysavior wants you to deal with YOUR OWN PROBLEMS, and wants you to leave him the FUCK OUT OF IT! mysavior has a temperament that is willing to help if he is asked, but mysavior suspects that help is the last thing you want from him (and mysavior sees that you have NOT asked for his help). mysavior knows that you are looking for REVENGE, and mysavior knows that what you are doing here is BULLSHIT. mysavior knows that this is not some favor. mysavior knows that there isn't much good in this. mysavior resents the possibility that you would have mysavior excuse himself of GOOD by dressing it with your BULLSHIT. mysavior thinks you are trying to trick him. mysavior still knows that the YOU being referred to is not mysavior, and is not God. mysavior is still trying to watch his words and his definitions, though he knows it should NOT be necessary. mysavior does NOT want to give you any more ammunition to LIE TO YOURSELF. mysavior does NOT want to give you ammunition to FURTHER fuel his torment. mysavior thinks you are a little shit. mysavior thinks you ARE shit!

mysavior will NEVER stop thinking this is wrong, even after it has ended. But when it ends, at least mysavior will have mental space to do something OTHER than sit around and stew over your BULLSHIT!!! mysavior does not want your problems or thirst for revenge to have anything to do with him, especially in this bullshit manner. mysavior does NOT think mysavior has done ANYTHING serious enough to deserve ANY bullshit like this!!!!!!!!!!

mysavior KNOWS YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT THE FUCK HE IS SAYING!!!!!!!!!!!! mysavior sends out a great big FUCK YOU, explicitly, to the ones trying to FUCK mysavior OVER. FUCK YOU, care of mysavior. EAT SHIT AND DIE, YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!

mysavior wants you to stop pretending like you are his spirit, his soul, his heart, or whatever part of him you are claiming to be. mysavior seethes at the fact that its even possible to rob mysavior of his soul through ANY of this BULLSHIT. mysavior is NOT YOU. YOU ARE NOT mysavior. YOU KNOW YOU ARE NOT mysavior. YOU KNOW YOU ARE NOT HIM. YOU KNOW YOU ARE NOT GOD AND YOU KNOW YOU ARE NOT mysavior. You are shit.

mysavior knows what you are NOT, but does not know who you are. mysavior calls YOU a shit because of what YOU have done to him. This SHITTY experience has destroyed ANY interest mysavior has had in getting to know you. mysavior does NOT like YOU.

mysavior is still annoyed at how EXPLICIT he needs to be, and a part of him thinks YOU are an IDIOT for pretending to need such clear instruction. mysavior knows YOU use YOUR perceived ignorance and YOUR purported INCOMPETENCE to LIE TO YOURSELF as YOU continue to do SHIT that YOU (EVEN YOU!!!!!!!!!!!) KNOW IS WAY OUT OF LINE!!!!!!!!

mysavior can not emphasize enough how WRONG he thinks YOU are!!!!!

mysavior does not know how to stop you. YET!!!!!! mysavior can not stand and face YOU, because you are a BITCH hiding in the bushes. You ARE a fucking sissy!! You ARE a fucking coward!!!

mysavior really wants you to get over it. Now mysavior thinks you are Prabhu. mysavior has thought of you as a lot of things, but mysavior does not know which one you are. mysavior wants more to be rid of you and the shit that you are bringing into mysavior's life than to know your face and who you are. mysavior wants you to face JUSTICE for your actions.

Now mysavior thinks you are Guy Schory. More importantly, mysavior thinks you are flashing various faces in front of mysavior in some SHIT-GUIDED attempt to hide who you are. "Twist mysavior's tendency to distract himself with possibilities." FUCK YOU!!!

mysavior thinks you are SHIT. Its really that simple. mysavior thinks you are guilty. mysavior thinks you are WRONG. mysavior wants you to suffer. mysavior is thinking very negatively as mysavior is in the midst of mental torment (AT YOUR HAND), but knows mysavior wouldn't, as SHITTY AS HE THINKS YOU ARE, step out of line to get back at you (get revenge). mysavior knows that his unlikeliness to exact WILD and OVERBLOWN revenge for what you have done DOES NOT EXCUSE THE FACT THAT YOU NEED TO FACE JUSTICE FOR BEING A SHIT!!!!!!!! WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE!!!!!!!!!!

mysavior feels as though mysavior is saying things very well, and it is doing a bit to ease mysavior's stress and give mysavior some peace. Don't let the easing stress fool you, mysavior is still watching for your ass. mysavior knows he would be stupid to let his guard down, because that would give you even more reason to continue FUCKING WITH HIM. "Oh, its OK, mysavior is going along with it." "Oh, its OK, mysavior is FINE with it-- we can keep going." mysavior is NOT FUCKING ALRIGHT WITH THIS BULLSHIT! mysavior is not ALRIGHT WITH YOUR SHIT. mysavior, with every breath in him, and all the energy he has, wants you to FUCK OFFFFF!!!!!!!!!!! mysavior KNOWS he should be doing OTHER SHIT with his energy. mysavior knows this battle is a WASTE OF HIS FUCKING TIME, and mysavior knows it should FUCKING END!!!!

mysavior does not really give a shit about grammar, punctuation, and spelling in situations like these, and the constant and near immidiate editing is tipping mysavior off to the fact that someone is making mysavior do this SHIT!!! Now mysavior thinks you are Amit Chandak. Even if someone else is responsible for this shit mysavior still says to Amit Chandak: FUCK YOU.

mysavior hates having to WRITE ALL THIS SHIT to give some misguided DUMBASS closure. mysavior still thinks you are SHIT.

mysavior is searching for the words to trigger you to fuck off. mysavior knows mysavior can get to you. mysavior knows mysavior can make you go away. mysavior knows mysavior can make you feel guilty. mysavior knows mysavior can make you see that what you are doing is wrong.

mysavior knows that you are still trying to justify what you are doing as right. mysavior still thinks you are operating under the guise that you are trying to help mysavior. mysavior still knows that you are not trying to help mysavior, really, and that you are also NOT ACTUALLY HELPING HIM! Not trying, not succeeding. Not trying to help mysavior, not succeeding at helping mysavior. You are not trying to help mysavior, and you are not succeeding at helping mysavior. You do not tell mysavior what he needs. You do NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT tell mysavior what he needs. Not like this. And now, not ever. You have ruined mysavior's openness to you. mysavior no longer sees it as reasonable to be open to your opinions, ideas, beliefs, or strategies. mysavior is completely turned off due to what you have done to him.

mysavior thinks that you are trying to trick mysavior.

If you trick mysavior, then FUCK YOU! mysavior does not agree with trickery. Especially like this. mysavior is trying to cover all the bases to leave you with nothing but the fact that you are WRONG!!!!!!! When mysavior is confident that you have seen this fact, then in mysavior's mind, mysavior is free (even if you try to continue with your BULLSHIT). mysavior thinks mysavior's freedom from you (you can't control mysavior) will drive YOU insane (serves you right for driving mysavior out of his fucking mind), and mysavior thinks that is justice well-served.

Die.

*name changed to protect the innocent.

 

[Ginkgo]

Multiple Personality Disorder?

 

[ReadingRainbows]

Wow.

 

[Intricate Mystic]

Multiple Personality Disorder?

It could be schizophrenia.

 

[xisnotx]

nahhh..i can relate...the world is a sucky place..and just when you don't think it could suck harder...it does...
but then again...maybe im crazy as well..who knows..

 

[manonastick]

There is only the ride! It’s only a journey then you die.

Your life needs to be a fountain, keep away the ones who take and don't put back. soon, pennies wishs and hope will fill your life

I am a young 27y/o NT male, personally it’s hard to ‘enjoy’, I get short spurts of the future and moments of stillness, yet the shear grade of the hill keeps me agitated enough to continue trucking.

 

[nowaystan]

One theory involves a microwave hearing, voice 2 skull, direct energy weapon: http://www.shaggybevo.com/board/sho...pathy-Remote-Neural-Monitoring-Voice-to-Skull

Gang stalking is apparently a hit these days, along with workplace mobbing, and targeting individuals for "removal."

Either that, or too much dopamine.

Voice 2 skull seems more likely: https://targetedindividualscanada.wordpress.com/2011/01/page/5/