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Thread: INTx

  1. #1
    Senior Member tinkerbell's Avatar
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    Default INTx

    Hey guys

    Been reading some back threads on INTJ's specifically (am interested in one but don't know where I stand). And quite a few threads I read mentioned that INTx's don't like to get angry.....

    Is this because you indulge in passive agressive acts?
    Are you non confrontational?
    How do you get your needs/desires met?

    Interested....

    Lis

  2. #2
    HAHHAHHAH! INTJ123's Avatar
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    no we don't. and if we do, RUN. that's all you need to know.

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    triple nerd score poppy's Avatar
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    Non-confrontational? No, I can be very confrontational as long as I know I can remain objective. I just don't like to let my emotions get the better of me. When I get angry, I tend to say pretty hurtful things without much thought, and that's a good way to alienate people that I don't want to alienate. Therefore I'd rather just leave the room before I do something I end up regretting.

    I only engage in passive aggressive behavior when dealing with people who use it themselves (like my mother). I would much rather be upfront about things, but there are situations where I cannot be confrontational (again, my mother).

    Anyway, 99.999% of the time that I need something, I take care of it myself rather than try to convince people to do what I want. I skip the whole process whenever possible.
    "There's no need to be embarrassed about it, Mr. Spock. It happens to the birds and the bees!"

  4. #4
    Widdles in your cream.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tinkerbell
    Is it because you indulge in passive aggessive acts?
    In times of conflict, I'm mostly passive, almost never aggressive and never passive-aggressive.

    Quote Originally Posted by Tinkerbell
    Are you non confrontational
    If I can avoid confrontation, I'll go out of my away in taking evasive action. If I'm practically being cornered, I'll become increasingly defensive, and finally, snap.

    Quote Originally Posted by Tinkerbell
    How do you get your desires/needs met?
    To prevent this becoming an issue I fall into the habit of placing them on the back burner in favour of avoiding having to bring it up. I bend myself to the environment, rather than the other way around. Basically I solve this issue by having as few desires as possible. But if its something current and unavoidable, I endure it until I'm at breaking point and voice my displeasure. At this point I sound all annoying and maudlin, so as I said before... I prevent this from having to occur.

  5. #5
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    In my teens and twenties, I followed the typical patterns.

    Nowadays I actually will sometimes push for [constructive] conflict. I've been around enough times to realize what situations need to be resolved for long-term gain and which ones are worth avoiding, so I no longer practice routine avoidance if it makes sense to call everyone on the carpet and hash things out. For many years I also couldn't deal with any emotion in a conflict at all, nowadays I can deal just fine if things get heated (although I still am very much processing things as I go, not just lashing out hotly). I am actually pretty amazed at how far I have come in this area: I feel like I can scrap pretty good now with the best of them in order to get my point across, if I feel it is warranted, without skulking away or feeling embarrassed about it. Open conflict does have its valid place, and some people do not believe you are hurt or angry if they don't see "emotional evidence" ... so sometimes you have to let the emotions show, in order to convince them.

    As far as passive-aggressive goes, even in my twenties I would mostly be passive; and if I ever realized I was being passive-aggressive, I'd rein that in because I felt it was manipulative. Nowadays I'm more apt to leap into a direct discussion rather than letting things get passive-aggressive.

    Originally I would not allow anyone to provide for my needs. First of all, I was not sure what my needs were (or that I had any), so I'd just "go without." Once I realized I did have some emotional and practical needs, I would try to take care of them myself if possible. Nowadays I have been learning to allow others to care for me. It's very difficult to trust someone enough to (1) feel like I am imposing on them by asking them to meet my needs and (2) trusting that they will not hold it over me at some future point, trapping me. I have found a few people I trust enough to know that they are giving to me or taking care of me out of love (not expect reciprocation), and that helps. (It's not that I do not reciprocate, it's simply I have been burned enough where I thought someone was doing something for me because they wanted to be nice or because they loved me, and later they lashed out at me in resentment because I wasn't reading their mind and giving them what they wanted in a particular situation.)
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

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  6. #6
    Was E.laur Laurie's Avatar
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    I've had lots of close INTJ friends (one was a best friend) and I never really remember seeing them get angry. Frustrated, hurt, even crying (over death) but not really angry. That's interesting, actually.

  7. #7
    Member Faine's Avatar
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    The INTJ I know seems to try and surpress his anger (need for control?) much the way I tend to. For him, it usually ends up coming out as anxiety or a continually bitter mood. I think he normally confides in me for release. He's told me that sometimes he'll take out his frustrations on objects when he's alone but I've never seen him react that way myself. At any rate, I don't think he's the kind of person to raise his voice or go off on one unless really pushed.

    On a rather different end of the spectrum, the (suspected) INTP I know tends to rant when angered or frustrated by something and rapidly gets it off his chest by confiding in me or someone else he trusts. That said, when he's really angry - I recall a time when he was angry with me personally - he went very silent and had to leave for a while so that he 'didn't say something he would regret', as he later told me. I wouldn't be surprised if he takes a similiar approach with other people when angry with them, but I couldn't say for sure.

    Anyway, I'd be willing to bet anger is something more linked to an individual than to their specific type... but then again, maybe not. Perhaps INTs simply express their anger in ways that aren't always instantly obvious to other types? The INTs above are quite different from one another and yet also quite alike in that respect, but granted, I really don't have a wide pool of experience to compare it all with. I suspect though that for many introverts, anger - like any other emotion - is more of a private thing than a public display, usually only shown to people they trust. When confrontation occurs I think they prefer to try and take a calm and rational stance without emotion clouding their judgement, so this is the face that others usually see.

    Would be interesting to read more comments from INTs themselves though.
    INFJ 9w1.

  8. #8
    Priestess Of Syrinx Katsuni's Avatar
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    Angry? In absolutely rare cases, and those times it's actually earned. Yeu have to actively work to get me angry over a long period of time.

    The vast, vast, vast majority of the time, my 'conflicts' are very much so structured, I'll conflict with people all the time verbally, as a game, for the sake of doing so. I'll challange their beliefs, and enjoy the debating process, and can be highly aggressive in it.

    However, in terms of emotional fights? Like YELLING? Yelling solves nothing. I won't do it. It's a waste of time, it doesn't get anything done, and all it's good for is provoking ad hominum attacks. It has no value, and I see no reason to partake in it. Yelling at each other won't solve any problem, to the point that it will prevent solutions which could've been prevented from being applied.

    If I see a situation where I highly expect, or do see someone yelling, I don't bother with it anymore, and leave. They don't feel like listening, and the 'correct' answer is which one is more RIGHT, not which one can yell the loudest.

    Due to a thing where I lost my voice for a few months awhile back, I haven't been truly capable of yelling since then, even in fear or startlement, but I haven't really noticed since I never do so anyway.

    Now... in terms of the passive/aggressive thing? Very much so, if yeu insist on being an ass, the yelling and such, if yeu annoy me enough that I actually feel like getting off my lazy butt and actually bothering to do something about it, then yeu've pissed me off to the point that yeu're going to learn yeur lesson, and I'm more than creative enough to make yeur life a living hell for the next few days, before I either get bored of it, or think yeu've learned yeur lesson on the matter. Fortunately, I'm highly lethargic, so it takes a great deal of effort to make me actually bother to do this; if it occurs, yeu earned it, and went out of yeur way to earn yeur 'reward'. Yeu can't claim yeu didn't deserve it at this point any longer.

    In many relationship problems, I do have the drawback of either running from a problem, or just hiding, if it's highly emotional it can be excessively difficult to think straight, which often has the same effect as yelling... I can't think clearly, so there's no point in staying and sobbing over it, I won't be capable of actually DOING anything constructive about it. I'd rather just back off and not have to show my side which is incapable of actual thought, it's embarrasing, and I just don't want to be seen like that. I've been confronted about this several times recently and one friend is trying to help 'fix' me on it, and unlike most 'fixes' I actually agree with this one so am TRYING to go along with it, by conciously refusing to run when I feel compelled to. It's difficult, but it has helped somewhot. The major difficulty right now is learning which times I need to be alone to calm down and think, and which times I really do need to stay and talk things over.


    In any case, if yeu're looking at this from a relationship point of view? Yeu'll probably end up finding that 'arguments' like shouting matches, will never occur except in by far the most rare of cases. Debates and 'arguments' of an intellectual sort where yeu may be frustrated, but are keeping from actively attacking each other personally, and are spending most of the effort on trying to find practical solutions to whotever the problem is, those will be far more common. Considering communication is pretty much needed for a healthy relationship, as is the ability to learn through it and fix minor issues as they arise, this'll work well. The biggest thing to keep in mind is to have to force yeurself to not run off and hide when something goes wrong, but discuss it. This took me a long time to master, years of effort... but it helps a great deal.

  9. #9
    Senior Member Wild horses's Avatar
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    I have had the misfortune of being at the end of some INTX anger and it just wasn't pretty at all and VERY confrontational which really shocked when I consider his temperment generally. I think he did supress his feelings on a day-to-day basis, however, probably because, as you say, he didn't didn't like getting angry
    ... couldn't drag me away

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  10. #10
    Senior Member Gewitter27's Avatar
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    I don't like to get angry, but I do tons. And when I do, things get ugly. I basically go Angry ENTJ mode.
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