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  1. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by therationaledge View Post
    I once told my girlfriend that I saw getting the truth or information out of people like opening a lock

    Kind the right key, and apply the right amount of pressure, and whula!

    She kinda got insulted, saying I shouldn't view people as locks to open.

    Is what I did actually offensive? (I have my own opnion but am interested in what you all think)
    It could very easily have been offensive. Whatever her degree of fondness for you is, by telling her that she likely saw it as applicable to not only information, but her feelings; it's not only an objectification thing. She may be feeling that her affections for you are a result of manipulation on your part and that you have done this by 'finding the key to her lock and applying the right amount of pressure.'

  2. #22
    Emperor/Dictator kyuuei's Avatar
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    Locks don't share information with people because they feel the other person cares about them enough to want that information.. Locks just get popped by any low life that knows the right way to tweak them.

    What you said: You're like a lock.
    What she heard: I can get anything out of you if I just poke you in the right way and make you believe you can trust me and that I really care about you. And so could anyone else.
    Kantgirl: Just say "I'm feminine and I'll punch anyone who says otherwise!"
    Halla74: Think your way through the world. Feel your way through life.

    Cimarron: maybe Prpl will be your girl-bud
    prplchknz: i don't like it

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  3. #23
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    I don't see why it's offensive.

    However I'd say that if someone DID get offended by it, that Amargith was pretty much spot on with why that would occur-

    Quote Originally Posted by Amargith View Post
    Grin, I can see her point.
    You basically just told that you view people as an obstacle that you enjoy getting past and that it's not the person that counts, but the information.

    I take it she an..NF? To us, it's people that matter, and it's disrespectful to ignore the person and give priority to something over someone. You'll have to explain her that even if your interest lies in the information peope contain, you will be treating the lock like a beautiful antique in the process as you value what it contains dearly, as well as its beauty

    Also, most likely...it subconsciously made her feel like a means to an end to you. You're supposed to love her for who she is..not for the services/information she can provide. It's unnerving to think that your boyfriend might consider you as such, even if you *know* in your heart that you are most likely an exception
    EDIT: If someone I was really close to said that to me, it wouldn't change my opinion of them at all. Their philosophy wouldn't change had they not told me, so why should I expect things to change from there on? It's the person that takes it wrong who does the changing.
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

    sCueI (primary Inquisition)

  4. #24
    Emperor/Dictator kyuuei's Avatar
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    If you see someone being an asshole to everyone he comes across, you're probably going to assume he will be an asshole to you.. Why? Because he's an asshole to people. You're in the people category, right?

    So, when the rest of humanity is treated like an object by someone, why would anyone think they were special enough to be treated differently? How you respect the people around you reflects on you, and in turn, the people in your life. She projected how he thinks of people on herself.. naturally, since she's 'people' too.
    Kantgirl: Just say "I'm feminine and I'll punch anyone who says otherwise!"
    Halla74: Think your way through the world. Feel your way through life.

    Cimarron: maybe Prpl will be your girl-bud
    prplchknz: i don't like it

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  5. #25
    Senior Member Jaguar's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by therationaledge View Post
    I once told my girlfriend that I saw getting the truth or information out of people like opening a lock

    Kind the right key, and apply the right amount of pressure, and whula!

    Is what I did actually offensive?
    I don't find it offensive, per se.
    But it tells me you suck at getting information if you have to use "pressure" or manipulative tactics.

    Perhaps you should take up basket weaving. Lol.

  6. #26
    Protocol Droid Athenian200's Avatar
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    Hmm... I don't think it sounds insulting, unless you meant that you view people as little more than locks in general. If you meant that just in the context of trying to get information out of them, you can view their defenses as being like a lock (or as I prefer to visualize, a firewall or encryption method), then that's fine. Sounds like an effective mental image to use when you're attempting to learn something. But why would you tell a typical ISFJ about this? They don't value information for it's own sake.

  7. #27
    Emperor/Dictator kyuuei's Avatar
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    ^ Locks normally do not come with a positive connotation.
    Kantgirl: Just say "I'm feminine and I'll punch anyone who says otherwise!"
    Halla74: Think your way through the world. Feel your way through life.

    Cimarron: maybe Prpl will be your girl-bud
    prplchknz: i don't like it

    In Search Of... ... Kiwi Sketch Art ... Dream Journal ... Kyuuei's Cook book ... Kyu's Tiny House Blog ... Minimalist Challenge ... Kyu's Savings Challenge

  8. #28
    Protocol Droid Athenian200's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kyuuei View Post
    ^ Locks normally do not come with a positive connotation.
    Security is a bad thing?

    A door with no lock seems to have worse connotations.

  9. #29
    Emperor/Dictator kyuuei's Avatar
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    It's more the fact doors need locks. Everything needs locks lately. Locks aren't very secure at that, and are easily thwarted. The word "lock" isn't necessarily one that brings about warm and fuzz. A thin layer of protection, maybe. But it isn't necessarily a complimenting word to begin with.
    Kantgirl: Just say "I'm feminine and I'll punch anyone who says otherwise!"
    Halla74: Think your way through the world. Feel your way through life.

    Cimarron: maybe Prpl will be your girl-bud
    prplchknz: i don't like it

    In Search Of... ... Kiwi Sketch Art ... Dream Journal ... Kyuuei's Cook book ... Kyu's Tiny House Blog ... Minimalist Challenge ... Kyu's Savings Challenge

  10. #30
    Protocol Droid Athenian200's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kyuuei View Post
    It's more the fact doors need locks. Everything needs locks lately. Locks aren't very secure at that, and are easily thwarted. The word "lock" isn't necessarily one that brings about warm and fuzz. A thin layer of protection, maybe. But it isn't necessarily a complimenting word to begin with.
    Oh, now I get you.

    Yeah, I guess mine is a little nicer, comparing it to hacking a computer, which usually has more layers of protection and is much harder to access than your typical dime store lock. And of course, I would make sure to draw a distinction between the information stored in the person I was trying get at, the security layer, and the person as a whole when saying that. Though I prefer not to share such metaphors with others, generally...

    It is funny how forgetting one or two distinctions can end up creating a completely different mental image... I'm pretty sure he didn't mean it the way it was taken, though. I suppose it comes down to what's more important... intentions, or image? I guess image is more important because more people respond to it, and it's more consistently perceived between people, though intentions tell you far more about the individual if you can divine them.

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