The ENTP shrug
So I'm faced with a dilemma with one of my entps. 9/9 of course as why wouldn't he be the most problematic. I would like advice or suggestions on how to help 9/9 modify his responses to be more productive in a team environment.
Funny, theoretically I should not waste time trying to fix a very broken person-however now it just isn't me. We now have team at work. He is our "project". Poor 9/9. Our team consists of his ESTP boss, his ESTP friend/lover, my ENTP best friend, and me. Why bother? We need to use him for his ideas. They really are that good.
So 9/9 gets a steady stream of negative feedback from my way. It seems he can modify his behavior, at least on the surface, to be more close to a norm and improvements have been noted from across the company.
The latest issue we are having is with something I see a lot of entps do. I call it the ENTP shrug. His version is more marked than most to the point of being a real problem.
Infjs have a doorslam. I assume-please correct-that this is when you really, really burn your bridges with an infj. To borrow proteo's comparison, Fe has many circles, many levels of intimacy. Concentric circles where some can come in very deep and others are restricted to surface layers.
An infj doorslam maybe is when you are permanently excluded from all of those layers. You are outside of the circle?
So my entps do this too. If you push too hard or dig too much, or if they feel too out of control, they will temporarily push you out a bit. You get ejected backwards through several layers of Fe rings and held at arm's length, until they feel more in control of the situation. An enfp lashes out with Te to control the environment. My entps seem to retract like snails or turtles until the environment stabilizes a bit. The person external gets shunned a bit, excluded. Who knows-maybe they need time to think? Only another entp can really understand the inner workings. I can only observe from outside and guess.
So pretty normal stuff-after an hour or even a day my entps will re-engage, reply, decide what to do. (Enfps notice this as we are over dependent upon external affirmation)
Problematically 9/9 diverges here. He just never replies, never responds. If called, he says he is busy, but I call BS on this one as he will respond very quickly given the right topic. He sits waiting, observing, but not interacting? Like he is afraid to say anything?
Oddly my best friend entp says when Fe kicks in she feels torn-she wants to be terse, bitter and cruel, but instead gets calmer and calmer and calmer, nicer and nicer on the surface. All the turmoil can't surface externally-mentally it is like Fe just will not let it out?? Her words not mine, so please forgive if it is inaccurate.
It does make me wonder if he gets to the point where he doesn't reply as he feels-I dunno-toungue tied??? Does fe and ti really fight that much??? I have no idea what I am talking about so again please don't take offense.
My entp also mentioned maybe he has problems processing the frustration, so withdraws to do this in his own time frame.
This causes issues as if affronted, even slightly, he will not respond to email, will not reply to calls, will not engage in discussion. However he is a research scientist and we very much need his insight and his contribution. But he gets caught up shunning the shit out of people.
He does this a little to me, but far, far more to others.
1) Does this sound familiar?
2) how can we get him to relax the defensive barrier once built?
3) How can we avoid provoking the defensive response?
4) Can he be taught alternate ways of responding, that are less destructive to teamwork and communication?
Much thanks for any advice you can offer.
(As a side note-9/9 just sent an emailing just to say thank you to someone who mailed a package for him. This-this is like some sort of miracle...)