EDIT: If he's not uninterested, he's processing everything. Listening and gradually coming to a discovery.
Yes, but again this is valid for relationships ... not work. Tiltyred offered some good, practical advice. That would probably be your best bet to solve the problem.
My entp friend said this in the context of work-she is a project manager of several hundred folks. It's funny as I am the product manager and I show up a raging tyrant and she shows up as "mother russia". I used to get so pissed at her about this until she explained the above. Now we tagteam people with the approach. I show up tyrannical and she calms me, and explains to the group how we can resolve the issue-since they are all freaked out by the fact that I am angry. It's like a game-an amazingly effective one. Not sure you really can segregate work from the rest of life that easily.
Thanks much for the processing perspective-that is a very good point.
I push people away when I just don't want to deal with it. I'm not afraid of anything, but if I smell drama it physically looks like a huge mountain that I will have to scale with a 200 lb boulder on my back. I simply don't want to be bothered with it. I think about all the pieces in the downtime and break the mountain into a series of smaller climbs. But oftentimes, I forget to report back. Once it's settled in my head, I assume it's settled in everyone else's. And I am already bored with it and talking about it is the last thing I want to do. It's already done and decided and I want to move on..
This may the case. So how can I use this info? nothing with respect to him-forcing him to change and so on. However for other folks, I can advise-"give him space, and check back in a week, he is forgetful, so likely he isnt a douche, he just forgot to respond" They stopped being pissed at him, the team regroups. As always, given 16 personality types, folks see things through there own "lenses" and will interpret his motive or rational through what they would do. I can help recalibrate thier "lenses" a touch. I guess i could also drop him an email and say-do you realize when you do this, people misread as X, maybe you want to consider that and drop them an email saying you will be in touch later.
But I think if you want him to act like a team member, you should treat him as one. I'm sure he can smell your "behavior modification" tactics from a mile away. It's insulting. Just tell him straight out that he's acting like a dick and no one wants to work with him. So he better come to work with a smile on his face, or else.
Or do what Tilty said: just get to the point or lighten up the atmosphere. But right now, it seems like the whole situation is too... heavy.
haha, I call him a dick fairly often. I specifically call him on his behavior. He doesnt mind at all. Actually with him directly-if I need him to change something-I specifically explain it to him, then explain why changing that aspect will enhance our ability to get his ideas implemented. However as I said above-more importantly-I need to help others interpret what he is doing correctly. On some level I think ENTPs face a challenge here. Over and over again the world views your actions through totally the wrong lens and then assigns you motives that are incorrect. It sucks, so if I can explain to the others, he is an ENTP, these are the awesome things he can bring to the team, however these other things are part of the package, it removes much frustration.
I was wondering about this too. What does this look like from the ENTP's perspective?
Because one issue I can have with extroverted feelers is that they often don't know when to back off. I'll say it directly and repeatedly, and it's like they don't hear me.
Sorry if I didnt clarify-he mostly works with estps and other NTs. He is currently at war with an INTP. Internally he clashes with ISTJs. These are where the complaints come from. I am the only NF he sees and he really likes me. He thinks I am nuts but has told me several times he appreciates my advice-specifically "I love your advice" when I told him I would stop sending him advice if he wanted, as I didnt want to bug him. I send him emails, often he will not reply, but his behavior will be modified. That's his choice, not mine. I dont really think I am the NF you guys are used to dealing with.
Exactly, how people are creative is sometimes quite personal and isn't always a team sport.
Collective thinking although I support it, I can also swamp it to bits.
Top of mind in the first 3 minutes I can usually fry most other brains....
Not sure how to make it work, perhaps turning up to the last 10 minutes of the session means I don't have to sit through other peoples mental constipation which I find mind numbingly dull.
Lis
This is why we love ENTPs and value thier contribution. It is also why entps thrive independently and as consultants. He has made the choice to work in corporate america though.
And why is a thank you email so important? It's just another email to wade through. I really resent having to do all this social pleasantry crap... the hello, the how are you, the how was your weekend when I really couldn't care any less about you or your wife's sciatica. I like to get to the point - is the project done or not? Why is the world so dependent on such trivial affirmations that really affirm nothing except for the recipient's insecurity?
Correct, imo. wtf@'thank you'e-mailexpectationpotential
There have been times that i've received such email and wondered if the sender pissed someone off and is trying increase friendship strength points with others to counter their mishap. Kinda has the scent of insecurity to its visual.
Okay so this was a huge deal for me-his response. I specifically asked him to start doing this. Realize I currently have 123 unanswered emails and 78 unlistened to phone messages. I am a disaster at responding to questions. I am not celebrating any holidays this year, as I am rebelling. I am the last person in the world who would enforce Fe social pleseantries.
However in these cases his ass can step up and fake it. I requested he do so. He is offsite. He will send a request to another person which could take several hours out of thier day-time they put off normal job tasks, that still have to be completed later. They are doing his work as a favor, to help him. It technically is not thier job to do these things. No one has been resourced to do these tasks. Often the folks doing the work are ISTJs or SFs of some sort or another. So the least he can do, is send a quick Thanks.
To rationalize for him I explained that by doing so, they are much more likely to do things for him in the future. If he wants his ideas to move forward, on some level he has to play by the rules of the social group-stupid or not, faked appreciation or real, it will help his cause and he will accomplish his goals.
Again thanks much for all of your honest, critical feedback. Please let me know what horrifically annoying things to avoid doing as well. If I know, I can step around it, but otherwsie I do what comes natural.
Also-if he was the way he had been in december, he would be unemployed. If he keeps improving he will become a director before the end of the year.
hehehe, Q will kick your ass!
