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[ENTP] Emo ENTP Men... Huh?

Charmed Justice

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Is this possible? A guy friend of mine just admitted that he's been in love with me since...almost a decade ago. Back then, he was a player. Likely still is, but he's married now. Anyway though. So he was a player then, I was seeing someone else, so I wouldn't go near him.

We were very good friends, had constant "meeting of the mind" type interactions and all. Had great times talking religion, philosophy, science. Just whatever would come to mind, we could talk about. He did occasionally offend me, but I had a way of getting him back which he apparently found attractive. We worked together, and would compete in our positions, which was a great motivator for both of us to be the top people in our company.

He was literally banging everyone we knew, and he'd tell me all about it, in very ENTP fashion. Sometimes he'd even say things about what happened with him and the other girls in front of the other girls. Eh...At the same time though, he really seemed to take to me, and he started telling me he loved me, and calling me pet names. This went on for over a year. He'd tell me he wanted to marry me. On and on. Sometimes he'd get so gushy that it was too much for me, and I just shut him completely down, which he seemed to enjoy. I assumed he was just trying to have sex with him, and even when I believed he genuinely cared a lot about me, I played it safe to avoid getting burned. He was the ultimate lady killer.

Well so he tells me recently that he always had a special place in his heart for me. He really missed me when I went away. That he always wanted to know what happened between us, that he felt I was the perfect woman for him. That he was blindsided by how he felt for me and couldn't quite explain it in ways that made sense or whatever. I told him that him banging everyone really lowered his cred with me. Anyway, he told me he loves me still(it's been 7 years) and we haven't talked in all of that time because he thought I rejected him at one point, blew up at me, started dating another girl, and then married her. LOL!! Anyway. This seems more ENFP idealist thinking to me. Do ENTPs have the ability to fall in love and idealize a woman for so long?
 

entropie

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Ouh my now the beer is all over the floor
 

Charmed Justice

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Idealize: no. Continue to love longterm: Yes.

So when an NT says, "you were the 'perfect' women for me". That's not idealizing? Is it more like saying, "the most logical match"? Cause if an NF says "perfect", we mean "perfect" in the very convoluted sense.
 

entropie

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So when an NT says, "you were the 'perfect' women for me". That's not idealizing? Is it more like saying, "the most logical match"? Cause if an NF says "perfect", we mean "perfect" in the very convoluted sense.

Well not all NTs are the same. In fact everyone is quite different, so the sentence "You are the perfect woman for me" bears with everyone who says it in this world a different meaning.

If he says to you that you are the perfect woman to him and that he loves you that maybe true maybe not. The question remains how many woman has he said that to before, given his attitude ?
 

tinkerbell

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oh most certainly yes... but I'm a woman ENTP.... I was totally besotted with another ENTP - but recently decided it was nevr, ever going to happen, so I'm moving on in a very tangable way. But I carried a torch....
 

epp

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So when an NT says, "you were the 'perfect' women for me". That's not idealizing? Is it more like saying, "the most logical match"? Cause if an NF says "perfect", we mean "perfect" in the very convoluted sense.
Something like that, but not exactly :)

As much as I have seen, ENTPs do tend to have someone special in their hearts for a looooong time even if they have never had a 'real' relationship and perhaps don't even talk to those 'special' people anymore. I know I do. And I've seen threads in this forum where ENTPs mention the same (okay, mostly women, but still). The attitude is more like 'he's the only one who's capable to put up with all this mess I've caused with dignity' (and for me that includes leaving closer relationship with me when he was afraid of getting hurt, yes).

If that made any sense :huh:
 

tinkerbell

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oh and for what its worth, if you do go out with this guy, he will loose interesting in about 10 minute because by now you are a fantasy girl.

Besides do you want to be with a guy who hasn't the decency to be single when he is chasing you?
 

MacGuffin

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He never grew up, so I don't see why it matters.
 

substitute

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So when an NT says, "you were the 'perfect' women for me". That's not idealizing? Is it more like saying, "the most logical match"? Cause if an NF says "perfect", we mean "perfect" in the very convoluted sense.

I can't speak for all ENTP's, but for me, it would be a figure of speech. I wouldn't mean perfect in a literal, idealized sense, but more in the sense of "the best I have found or could imagine, realistically". But if you put it like that, people tend not to like it so much. I think sometimes people want to be idealized a bit by their partner. Nobody's completely above flattery. cept maybe ISTJ's... but even they're not completely :alttongue:
 

Charmed Justice

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oh and for what its worth, if you do go out with this guy, he will loose interesting in about 10 minute because by now you are a fantasy girl.

Besides do you want to be with a guy who hasn't the decency to be single when he is chasing you?

I'm very much married, so don't worry. Back then, it was for the above reason: boinking everyone and "loving me". Not so much. :dont: Nonetheless, he was and apparently is, still really gushy. Just didn't seem very NT to me...
 

substitute

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it's perfectly feasible. if I was in love with somebody but felt quite sure that I didn't have any real chance with them (which would mean if I didn't have incontrovertible concrete evidence that they felt the same way lol), and if I were as enslaved to my libido as most guys (heh), I'd just console myself with meaningless casual sex instead. if I were that kinda guy... I do know a few of them.

edit - plus, if I were actually 'on the market' at all (as opposed to sworn to a celibate life), I can easily imagine that I'd find casual stuff a LOT easier. if I found myself in love with someone and seriously wanting a relationship with them, it'd scare me stiff. my confusion as to what to do about it would paralyze me and I'd end up just trying to act like I didn't feel anything particular for them. in fact this is what did happen with me before I swore myself to celibacy.

Remember a) ENTP - likes new and temporary things, doesn't like routine and longterm planning; b) ENTP's are (just look around the NT forum, it's all over the place) extremely vulnerable when it comes to actually feeling emotional attachments to people, or serious emotions at all, and can be paralyzed by them. if not given strong external encouragement, they won't seek to explore or even acknowledge these emotions, but are much more likely to deny/avoid them.
 

Amargith

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You're the one that got away...the one who eluded him. That's bound to stay with him :D
 

entropie

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I couldnt say it before, cause before I was entj. But now I can say it:

This guy aint entp. Even if it would be possible to have an entp scoring like that, they would never brag about it with that less style.
 

Charmed Justice

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I couldnt say it before, cause before I was entj. But now I can say it:

This guy aint entp. Even if it would be possible to have an entp scoring like that, they would never brag about it with that less style.

Haha. Trust me, he's an ENTP, officially tested. He wasn't even really bragging per se. He was more or less divulging in a manner that only an ENTP could manage. He didn't seem to fully grasp the concept of "appropriate time and place" for which to say such and such a thing. Nonetheless, that didn't stop the same girls he talked about from sleeping with him over and over again.
 

entropie

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Well ok.

You want to get something with that avatar ?
 

entropie

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Hmm ok.

So what does make you think entp are good with woman ? I mean really we are NTs
 

entropie

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I am just asking cause I want to get to know the fantasy world you live in
 
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