Day 315 after the new world order
Diary Entry #1
A lonely overlord exposes his true feelings
I woke up this morning from a rather disturbing dream.
When I went to bed last night, I didnt had the hope that this night would be the one I finally have rather disturbing dreams again. Since day X I have become all alone on this planet, I have lost alot of the warm and fuzzy spin of my brain.
I lifted my burnt, defiled, stabbed and scarred body to touch the dark black scorched earth with my naked feet and felt it still burning in an inhumane temperature. I slowly inhaled and exhaled in deep and profound breaths, catching what was left of the oxygen in the air. The space around me was filled with smut still flieing through the air and the sky was darkened by clouds of black smoke, which didnt carry a bead of water no more. The field I was standing on, had to offer the same picture in all directions and the dark black ash covering the earth made the field seem to melt with the black sky in the distant. Just in one direction, behind the hills, an infernal gradient of a blistering yellow and a blood red coloured the night sky, stemming from the conflagration that will go on for another hundred years.
In the last hours on Day X, when the last survivors of the human race finally circled my army of blood-thirsty warriors, the human General far too late recognized my plan. I burnt them all, twice. And then I burnt them again.
Now I am standing here on this empty field, nothing left but dark burnt black ashes under the poisonous carbon-filled sky, feeling the warmth of the fires on my face even miles away and I have to crack a smile for the first time in the last 315 days.
"How dreadful!" cried Lord Henry. "I can stand brute force, but brute reason is quite unbearable. There is something unfair about its use. It is hitting below the intellect." ~ Oscar Wilde - The picture of Dorian Gray
Until I am certain Captain American is really dead I will be cautious of revealing any plans I may be involved in. I would like to comment on the inability to find good minions, and in a down economy. In addition, daddy never informed me that being an evil villain paid such low wages. Suppose I need to think of it as more of a career and not a job.
Idiots surround me. Send five men to hijack a military 5 ton loaded with machineguns and dispose of the drivers. End up with a truck full of shotguns and two live drivers, if I wanted shotguns I would just drive to Cabela’s and buy some shotguns, and now I have two extra mouths to feed, I’m not made out of money. Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh, a cup of tea would be nice.
A most excellent weekend, I was successful in re-establishing my Brussels connection. Due to it being such a nice weekend with temps in the 80s. I had the kitchen staff move outdoors and do a good old fashion pig bake, eight trashcans of beer, five boxes of the better box wine and all is well. Unfortunately, my number 1 man had to go to Vegas to talk with some people from Mercury. I’ll give him a week off when he gets back.
Help wanted: Selecting the right minions for your evil scheme
by Dr. Antoinette Romanus
Having the right henchman can make or break even the most carefully planned hostile takeovers, the most catastrophic plagues, and the most carefully crafted doomsday machine. Whether you're working towards world domination or just like to watch those foolish peasants writhe as you destroy everything they hold dear, minions are the key to establishing your villainous regime. Here are 3 tips for interviewing and selecting henchmen.
1) Finding Potential Minions:
Submissive minions are in short supply in the age of self-help books and confidence seminars, but by looking for people in the right demographics, you can succeed. The ideal minion is accustomed to oppression (or thinks they are), making dissatisfied corporate grunts and idealistic college students prime real estate.
When meeting a potential minion, it is important to establish the right power dynamic. You should appear commanding, but at the same time project the image of a forgiving, generous benefactor. Tried-and-true methods include sitting in a swivelly leather chair in a dark room, petting a well-nourished cat, offering them sweets, and caressing the switch that releases the alligators.
3) Ask the Right Questions:
The purpose of the interview is to determine whether the spineless rube in question would make a useful and loyal lackey. In addition to asking them what they can offer you in terms of skills and knowledge, be sure to ask vaguely sinister questions about their family and personal life.
Armed with these tips, a cache of super-weapons, and your biting wit, you too can impose your will on the helpless masses.
Dr. Romanus has a PhD in chemistry from the Université Libre de Bruxelles, lives in a beautiful secret island lair, and commands 30 loyal minions. Her spies are many and ever-vigilant.
Last edited by poppy; 08-17-2009 at 02:45 PM.
"There's no need to be embarrassed about it, Mr. Spock. It happens to the birds and the bees!"