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Thread: Attn: INTP men

  1. #71
    Pose! Salt n' pepper's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MDP2525 View Post
    Well, a lot of INTP's wouldn't voice it right away, because at the time, it really doesn't matter! Speaking for myself, I have a really high tolerance of doing what other people want to do. I just go with the flow. When I want to do what I want to do - I usually don't want hangers on/company. I go AWOL a little bit. Either that, or if company does want to come ...you do what I want to do! That's when problems start. I could see an ENTJ getting really frustrated with this and leaving or blowing up in anger.
    Trouble occurs when I think I see a better way of doing what he wants to do. More often than not it was about efficiency. I could often see a more efficient way of doing what he wanted done or wanted to do - which was to me, the right and better way. I wanted to minimax the whole process, minimum effort, maximum result. But I realize that the actual goal wasn't actually that important to him. But rather than letting him do it his way, I had the tendency of taking over the whole operation. But it wasn't about doing what I wanted to do. It was more about doing what he wanted to do, my way. In my mind I was helping him, but yeah.. :confused:

  2. #72
    Habitual Fi LineStepper JocktheMotie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Salt n' pepper View Post
    Trouble occurs when I think I see a better way of doing what he wants to do. More often than not it was about efficiency. I could often see a more efficient way of doing what he wanted done or wanted to do - which was to me, the right and better way. I wanted to minimax the whole process, minimum effort, maximum result. But I realize that the actual goal wasn't actually that important to him. But rather than letting him do it his way, I had the tendency of taking over the whole operation. But it wasn't about doing what I wanted to do. It was more about doing what he wanted to do, my way. In my mind I was helping him, but yeah.. :confused:
    The journey is far more important, not the destination. ETJs sometimes have problems with this. I know mine does.



  3. #73
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    Quote Originally Posted by JocktheMotie View Post
    The journey is far more important, not the destination. ETJs sometimes have problems with this. I know mine does.
    Yeah, I'm learning to cut people some slack. Be more patient and try to see things through their perspective too. And the thing I realize is that I couldn't see the value of doing so back then. Efficiency is a huge deal for me. But I realize that unless there's a deadline to be met or other things are depending on the results, efficiency really just becomes an obstacle to truly enjoying the process. For me, efficiency feels right, and it reduces stress. I'd much rather enjoy the results. But I'm learning to let people do their own thing in their own time - and what I get out of it is really peace of mind, because I truly hate to micro-manage.

    The bold part does not apply in business and work environments. Then my way is usually the right way.

  4. #74
    Habitual Fi LineStepper JocktheMotie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Salt n' pepper View Post
    Yeah, I'm learning to cut people some slack. Be more patient and try to see things through their perspective too. And the thing I realize is that I couldn't see the value of doing so back then. Efficiency is a huge deal for me. But I realize that unless there's a deadline to be met or other things are depending on the results, efficiency really just becomes an obstacle to truly enjoying the process. For me, efficiency feels right, and it reduces stress. I'd much rather enjoy the results. But I'm learning to let people do their own thing in their own time - and what I get out of it is really peace of mind, because I truly hate to micro-manage.

    The bold part does not apply in business and work environments. Then my way is usually the right way.
    I'd absolutely agree with you when it comes to projects and work environments. When I do have a clear result I want to achieve, I have an extreme need for efficiency, which at times caused me to consider INTJ as my type. If an ETJ comes out of nowhere with a super efficient and perfect solution to a problem, I'm completely on board. But when it comes to leisure activities, and things that I do because I want to do them, I like not having goals, and enjoying things for their experience and their unpredictability.



  5. #75
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    Quote Originally Posted by JocktheMotie View Post
    I'd absolutely agree with you when it comes to projects and work environments. When I do have a clear result I want to achieve, I have an extreme need for efficiency, which at times caused me to consider INTJ as my type. If an ETJ comes out of nowhere with a super efficient and perfect solution to a problem, I'm completely on board. But when it comes to leisure activities, and things that I do because I want to do them, I like not having goals, and enjoying things for their experience and their unpredictability.
    I'm pulling all my strength and focus into appreciating this and not obsess about what I can apply it to later. Basically I'm trying really hard to actually enjoy, (without creating expectations and goals), the things I enjoy doing. Going with the flow is hard for me, because I feel ashamed when I'm not being productive so I create goals, when the goal is simply to enjoy myself.

    Although, this usually happens when I'm stressed out about other stuff. When I'm in a normal state of mind, I'm much more big-picture oriented and I can quickly realize that doing things I enjoy for the sake of it, is healthy for me in the long haul. I don't always have to turn everything into a mission and suck all the fun out of it, without even realizing it.

    I have to find some kind of balance, I think. Efficiency and results are super fun. I excel in those areas and I love to push towards an envisioned goal. But too much of that makes me forget to enjoy the ride and I have to remind myself to take a step back and chill in order to truly appreciate it. It's like a double edged sword for me. This also applies to control in a relationship. I like control, but too much control makes me lose respect for my partner.

  6. #76
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    I dated an ENTJ girl. This was before I knew about typology so I typed her after the fact.

    The good:
    We could sit in silence without either of us getting restless. We both had an intimate love of beer (from what I understand she still does, though we do not speak anymore. I also still love beer.) We had some nice intellectual conversations.

    The bad:
    I am very P and she was very J. She would be on my ass constantly about my messiness. When I couldn't make decisions, she would either get pissed or patronize me in a belittling tone. I went through a period where I thought I was almost sub-human because of my lack of ability for everything an INTP is not.

    Bare in mind though, in hindsight, it is clear to me I wasn't just the victim. I could have done a lot of shit better as well. I think that the J/P extremity in our personalities was just too much.

  7. #77
    Habitual Fi LineStepper JocktheMotie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Salt n' pepper View Post
    This also applies to control in a relationship. I like control, but too much control makes me lose respect for my partner.
    Oh wow, yeah I can see the conundrum. How do you determine if any argumentation and anyone speaking their mind is simply being hardheaded ot just sticking up for their perspective?



  8. #78
    Junior Member ciphersort's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lasting_Pain View Post
    A well developed ENTJ is actually my vision of a wife.
    Same here. I was married to an ENTP (nerd fun) for quite some time, and have had longer term relationships with two ENFJs (fun in general) and one ESFJ (bad mistake all around). I haven't dated any ENTJs as I was always involved with someone else.

  9. #79
    Senior Member INTPness's Avatar
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    Speaking of efficiency, INTP's are very efficient as well. NT's, generally speaking, are very efficient. While reading through this thread, it was weird for me to imagine myself as the less efficient one in a relationship. I can't stand not being efficient, but I guess the INTP's efficiency is a bit different than what most people think of when they hear the word efficiency. For me personally, I require an unusual amount of rest and relaxation so that I can give my mind a break from things and really recharge my batteries. If I've had a day where I'm out and about and interacting with a lot of people, then I will come home and engage my Ti by reading or sometimes taking a cat nap. To most people that I know, they think this is laziness. To me, it's a necessity and it's very efficient, because if I don't take the time to do it, I'm going to be so worn out mentally that I won't be of any use to myself or anyone else. My sense of humor goes out the window, as does my patience. When we have our proper rest (INTP's), we can be really fun people.

    But, when we are rested and ready to go (and determined), I believe we are extremely efficient in the way we go about doing things. I have had situations where I saw an ESTJ doing something that I thought was very inefficient. I could see various ways that they could have done things WAY MORE efficiently, but we're just not the best at expressing that verbally. When I've tried to express it, it doesn't always come out the way I thought it in my head. So, we may seem relatively inefficient at times, but I believe the way we see things in our heads (Ti) is about as efficient as it gets. ENTJ's are probably more efficient out in the public arena, but with our Ti, we are able to SEE, or spot, inefficiencies in people's actions/words immediately.

    It would be really interesting to be in a relationship with a female NT. I've only known 3 and two of them were relatives (2 INTP's and 1 ENTP) - but have never met a female ENTJ.

  10. #80
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    Quote Originally Posted by JocktheMotie View Post
    Oh wow, yeah I can see the conundrum. How do you determine if any argumentation and anyone speaking their mind is simply being hardheaded ot just sticking up for their perspective?
    After ten times of just sticking up for your perspective, you're just being hardheaded.

    Then I either get pissed or very horny.

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