the responses have been really helpful in this thread and very well-written.
i think i understand what i meant by passion before. connecting with someone with the whole of yourself, and i think before part of what i was missing was that i was just looking for extremely feely type expressions when much is communicated in logical language and Ti/Te too basically only getting like a third of the information sent to me when i'm spending time with thinkers. i'm realizing that you can meet the other person in a different way and understand what they are choosing better and why they are choosing it when you allow both judgment components (T and F: also split in terms of conscious and mostly unconscious, depending on predominance), how they are motivated, what matters to them, what they desire, etc
and i think i was just refusing to accept the terms that i felt T users use, although it was mainly bc i was not thinking in the right language. the value inherent in the choices we make and doing the logical principled right thing to do based on T work rather than only using F and what you want/hope for/are disappointed by/hate/dislike etc style judgment
why anyone is passionate is because you communicate really intensely and you both understand each others desires very very well to create excitement and constant interest, along with whatever immediate natural fit there was to begin with