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  1. #41
    Senior Member Lightyear's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Salt n' pepper View Post
    My take on family values: Appreciate them, love them (if they deserve it, because they are not automatically better people just because they are your mom, dad or sibling)
    Wow, in this thread constantly the if they deserve it vibe seems to be coming through, it makes me almost wish that I won't have an NT child since my kid might come to the conclusion that I am not deserving of its love. At least my NT mum loves me simply because I am her daughter (and she secretly even still cares about my brother even though they haven't spoken to each other in years) but an NT child seems to be a much harsher judge. This coldness is kind of scary and a big turn-off.

    I find being around my INTP brother exhausting and difficult and he most certainly isn't my favourite person but I remember at one point me and my dad hadn't been able to reach him for quite a while via email or phone and since he had been lonely and depressed around this time I was seriously worrying that he had done something to himself. At that point my negative attitude towards him suddenly fell away, he was after all still my brother and though I didn't like spending time with him I still cared if he was alive and well or not. I think a lot of times when it really comes down to it blood truly is thicker than water.

  2. #42
    Lasting_Pain
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    Hmm, family values are a waste of time. They differ for each family, and are overly subjective.

  3. #43
    Pose! Salt n' pepper's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lightyear View Post
    Wow, in this thread constantly the if they deserve it vibe seems to be coming through, it makes me almost wish that I won't have an NT child since my kid might come to the conclusion that I am not deserving of its love.

    I find being around my INTP brother exhausting and difficult and he most certainly isn't my favourite person but I remember at one point me and my dad hadn't been able to reach him for quite a while via email or phone and since he had been lonely and depressed around this time I was seriously worrying that he had done something to himself. At that point my negative attitude towards him suddenly fell away, he was after all still my brother and though I didn't like spending time with him I still cared if he was alive and well or not. I think a lot of times when it really comes down to it blood truly is thicker than water.
    1. Do you also think a dead person deserves respect from you, simply because he's dead? If that person wasn't somebody you respected while he was alive. I'm using the same logic with my family. If they don't deserve my love and respect as people, why should that change just because they are "family"?

    2. I'm going though a similar situation with my kid sister right now. She's going through something mental, and she's putting everybody around her though hell to get her way. And she doesn't care about how her behaviour affects other peoples lives, including her "family". I'm putting up with her bullshit because I care for my parents and I know they want her alive. But as far as my sister goes, she's lost my respect for her and I can't say I'm very interested in how she's doing. She's treating me, my mom and dad like shit and she doesn't care, making it impossible for me to respect her. Let alone feel love for her. What does blood have to do with it?

  4. #44
    Nips away your dignity Fluffywolf's Avatar
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    I'd be willing to go as far as saying that family values are unhealthy and bad.

    In our family everyone has to pull their own weight in life. None are carried. We've minimal family values and do not support each other purely for the sake of being family. Ofcourse if a family member does everything in his/her power and comes short, aid will come. But not before it is clear that they've done their part. I think this is a good thing. There is nothing wrong with this.

    When people help family members out simply because they are family. People will grow up sheltered and dependant on one and other. And this could be considered unhealthy in many situations.

    :P
    ~Self-depricating Megalomaniacal Superwolf

  5. #45
    Pose! Salt n' pepper's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fluffywolf View Post
    I'd be willing to go as far as saying that family values are unhealthy and bad.

    In our family everyone has to pull their own weight in life. None are carried. We've minimal family values and do not support each other purely for the sake of being family. Ofcourse if a family member does everything in his/her power and comes short, aid will come. But not before it is clear that they've done their part. I think this is a good thing. There is nothing wrong with this.

    When people help family members out simply because they are family. People will grow up sheltered and dependant on one and other. And this could be considered unhealthy in many situations.
    Agreed. I also believe in letting people learn from their own mistakes. So if a family member is having a hard time, like my kid sister who's out drinking and refusing to come home at night, I believe it's for her own good to let her learn her lessons the hard way by fucking up and paying the consequences. That's how most people develop problemsolving-skills anyway.

  6. #46
    Widdles in your cream.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fluffywolf View Post
    I'd be willing to go as far as saying that family values are unhealthy and bad.

    In our family everyone has to pull their own weight in life. None are carried. We've minimal family values and do not support each other purely for the sake of being family. Of course if a family member does everything in his/her power and comes short, aid will come. But not before it is clear that they've done their part. I think this is a good thing. There is nothing wrong with this.

    When people help family members out simply because they are family. People will grow up sheltered and dependant on one and other. And this could be considered unhealthy in many situations.

    :P
    That's precisely how my family is. My parents tell me that say, if I was in a tight financial spot but I had my own job, they would give me help. If I didn't have a job, they'd put the phone down. If they've seen evidence of me trying to support myself, but falling short then they'd help in an instant. I also remember my mum telling me that if I fail my first year of University, I can forget about them helping with the funds; they don't want to waste any more money in what is clearly a "doss". It seems my mum believes that the sweat of a hard day's labour is thicker than blood.

  7. #47
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    Family values are instilled into the soul.

    Given my new found enlightment, I'ld like to say:

    I got my Se from Dad , my Fi from Mom and their million dollars they will get from me one day
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

  8. #48
    triple nerd score poppy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lightyear View Post
    Wow, in this thread constantly the if they deserve it vibe seems to be coming through, it makes me almost wish that I won't have an NT child since my kid might come to the conclusion that I am not deserving of its love. At least my NT mum loves me simply because I am her daughter (and she secretly even still cares about my brother even though they haven't spoken to each other in years) but an NT child seems to be a much harsher judge. This coldness is kind of scary and a big turn-off.
    Don't worry, in most cases the most logical thing to do is love and support our families
    "There's no need to be embarrassed about it, Mr. Spock. It happens to the birds and the bees!"

  9. #49
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by poppy View Post
    Don't worry, in most cases the most logical thing to do is love and support our families
    Or eat them if you are from Africa
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

  10. #50
    triple nerd score poppy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by entropie View Post
    Or eat them if you are from Africa
    Yum!

    I mean...no, NT children don't eat their parents, stop perpetuating that stereotype!
    "There's no need to be embarrassed about it, Mr. Spock. It happens to the birds and the bees!"

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