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  1. #11
    videodrones; questions Verfremdungseffekt's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ragingkatsuki View Post
    What I mean is, in another term, how much does an NT care about their own families? Do you help when they are in need? Are the bonds strong within the family? If someone in the family is sick would you go and keep them company? Do you feel any responsibility about what happens to your family? The higher the family values the more one would do these things.
    To carry on a theme from above, I don't really like anyone in my family as a person. Some of them I actively loathe. Anyway, there are no bonds there. So I see no need to maintain contact. Occasionally I'll respond out of politeness.

    No one has my phone number, because if I were to give it out -- well, one, no one could keep it private. And two, they might call. And I don't want to talk to these people. The other day I made the mistake of emailing my mother, and now I get a dozen pointless and impersonal messages every time I check my account. So I've filtered her out so I don't have to see any of that.

    Someone I know was appalled to learn I hadn't seen my parents in five years. What, I said, it's only five years. I certainly don't plan to see them again. If I were to, it would be under strange circumstances. Particularly my father.

    I think my sister has some health problems. I'm not really interested. Someone else I know thinks it's a travesty that I don't have a relationship with my sister. I'm not sure I see the reasoning. I don't know her. So... why is that different from my not knowing Mick Jagger? I'm not interested in knowing him, either.

  2. #12
    Senior Member SubjectA's Avatar
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    My family isn't really that close to begin with, mostly because we're separated by distance all around. I have an aunt and three cousins that I see every so often, and that's pretty much it. As for the more distant relatives (I mean physical distance here) when I do see them, it's more like seeing some long lost friends that you fell out of touch with long ago than seeing family. I'd bend over backwards for my dad, but I barely talk to my mom nor do I care to. A lot of the close family near me have died.

    And if I don't know them too well, I feel no responsibility towards them. I can't feel that way just because they're family. It's like feeling responsible towards a stranger. That being said, I wouldn't mind getting to know them better sometimes.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  3. #13
    Your time is gonna come. Oom's Avatar
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    I don't relate too much to one side of my family. My dad's side is full of religious zealots so I tend to stay away from them save x-mas. And when we do get together it's like we're actively trying to be happily ousted by these people that are family. These guys have the most, "family values" and they're assholes to anybody that doesn't fit their mold of what a great person should be.:steam:

    On the other hand, my moms side of the family are nice laid back people that are easy to get along with. I have nice relationships with all of them. They would do anything for me and I'd do anything for them. I value them greatly. Things are peachy.

    The strange thing is that there is never fighting on either side of my family, there never has been either. This might be because we never bring out the issues that we need to discuss. And that's the case for the bad issues usually.

  4. #14
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ragingkatsuki View Post
    What I mean is, in another term, how much does an NT care about their own families? Do you help when they are in need? Are the bonds strong within the family? If someone in the family is sick would you go and keep them company? Do you feel any responsibility about what happens to your family? The higher the family values the more one would do these things.
    Okay, here is the deal with mine.

    I still remain in contact with my family, although they have hurt me pretty badly. Yet I understand from their perspective that they do not like changes I made in MY life. So we're agreeing to disagree, and it does limit the extent of our relationship.

    I don't talk to my father -- his choice. i do see my mother and sister periodically and talk to my mom once a week. We have a typical little ISFJ relationship, and I've learned to accept that as the "best" I will ever have with them. They are not capable of NT-level discourse, unfortunately, and their religious values get in the way of meaningful conversation. Still, they're family and my mom DID invest a lot in my survival and physical well-being growing up, so I value that. They mean well, they're just not capable of more, so I have placed boundaries on that relationship.

    My dad is an alcoholic. Usually I kept myself distant from him (and my mom through him), especially emotionally, all my life.

    In 2005, he almost died from alcohol poisoning, so I actually drove an hour down there and took care of my mom and went to the hospital to watch over my dad and play my role as "eldest" and make sure everyone was okay. I am also the best detacher, so I was the most stable in a crisis situation. I did because despite all the pain and heartache they've caused me, I still do love them at some level; they're my parents. We can never escape our family; their presence or absence continues to color who we become no matter what.

    After some blowout crap in 2008, my mom started having heart palpitations and my drunk father was unable to care for her. i was still pissed/hurt by some things she had done recently, but I took care of her because she was my mom -- I drove her to the specialists, etc., and did my best to care for her because she needed someone and she's my mom and my dad was a crappy husband to her. It definitely improved our relationship. For some reason, maintaining what I could was still positive; just, in order to remain sane and healthy, I had to also LIMIT myself to just that.

    In that sense, SJ values are beneficial -- if approached intelligently, they might endorse particular investments we don't like but at the same time they can limit them as well. I'm not expected to be intimate or vulnerable with my parents, I only take care of them as they once took care of me.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  5. #15
    Is Willard in Footloose!! CJ99's Avatar
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    I never thought much of the familly idea. I see no reason to put family first because their family. I always did it in the order of closest friends regardless of blood relation.
    "I'd never die for my beliefs, I might be wrong"

    "Is it not enough to see that a garden is beautiful without having to believe there are fairys at the bottom of it too"

    "Intelligence is being able to hold too opposing views in the mind at the one time without going crazy" - Now all I need to figure out is if I'm intelligent or crazy!

  6. #16
    Senior Member Samurai Drifter's Avatar
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    My girlfriend's family stresses "family loyalty" to the point where they tried to break us up; I'm not sure if they'd be happy with anything but inbreeding.

    Consequently, terms like "family values" and "family loyalty" make me want to shove a pencil into the eye of the person using the term in a favorable light.
    Hands in the air, it's a robbery.

  7. #17
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    Well besides the immediate family I live with, everyone is kind of scattered all across the place, so it's kind of hard to be too terribly close with anyone on that note. I do really like my grandmother from my Dad's side, though. She's awesome. It's too bad she lives so far away.

    My Dad works for the army, and his job requires him to go on business trips. I've always gotten along with him perfectly fine. I like having discussions with him about politics and the economy. And our sense of humor is pretty similar. It's a nice ENTJ-INTP relationship. However, I think being so used to him leaving all the time caused me to become pretty independent. I'm sure this is why I tend to not get homesick easy and to be okay with not seeing people in general for long periods of time.

    My Mom I have problems with (not to her current knowledge) because of they way she raised me. To keep it short, she would yell at me whenever I did something wrong in her eyes, anywhere from getting bad grades to leaving a cup on the table. She's the kind of person who always has to be right in an argument. When I was young, I learned to swallow my pride and never stand up for myself with her, because doing so would end up with me obtaining a harsher punishment, no matter if I was right or wrong. She never solved a problem, but only gave me the cold feelings of guilt and low self-worth by putting me down and playing the victim card. However, I will say she's gotten better, and we don't fight all that much anymore. Even though we get along okay now, I still can't help but have some hostility towards the way she handles situations.

    I used to not get along with my brother at all. Spending too much time with him would always result in a fight. I eventually decided to stop hanging out with him altogether. Perhaps space was what we needed, because after sequestering ourselves from each other, we broke down the barrier, and we get along really well now. He's an ENFJ, so conversations with him are usually interesting, since we think on such different planes. I like his sense of humor, and he can be pretty sweet and thoughtful. All that mushy stuff that comes with feelers.

    So basically, I wasn't really close with anyone in my youth. I would say that I'm pretty close with my brother now. I'm cool with my Dad, but I wouldn't say I'm super close with him. And I don't consider myself that close with my Mom. I do care about all of them, and if they ever were in need or anything like that, I would definitely help them out in whatever way I could. When it comes to socializing with them, I don't think I'd go out of my way to hang out with my parents and spend quality time with them unless I hadn't hung out with them for a long period of time, but then again, that might just be part of my personality; I rarely initiate these kinds of things. I usually invite my brother to hang out if I'm doing anything, though. I dunno. I think I'm pretty independent, and I can lock myself in my room away from them for long periods of time, but in the end, they're still my family, and I'll be there for them when they need me.

  8. #18
    Senior Member therationaledge's Avatar
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    I choose who I consider my family. I completelly erased my birth mother from my life. I love my Dad and Brother, and have adopted a number of brothers into my life, and have gotten rid of people accourdingly.
    I even adopted my fiance's family.....well some of them.
    "You would lose your money," Sherlock Holmes remarked calmly. "As for the article I wrote it myself."

    "You!"

    "Yes, I have a turn both for observation and for deduction. The theories which I have expressed there, and which appear to you to be so chimerical are really extremely practical -- so practical that I depend upon them for my bread and cheese."

  9. #19
    Junior Member locus8's Avatar
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    I believe in family values, because having a close network of people that are like-blooded is important for people to feel a sense of belonging, meaning, and support.

    On the other hand, while I believe in the importance of family values, I think that in practice many families can exhibit communication problems to the point where it is at the benefit of certain members to distance themselves somewhat - whether physically or emotionally. I think they have to cope with the reality of their family, which often falls short of the "ideal" of a family. I think that alot of problems in family stem from miscommunication, family "secrets" that aren't really secrets to anyone, scapegoating, and the interference of power struggles in the establishment of genuine relationships of respect.

    I would like to strive to achieve good family values, but I understand the difficulties and obstacles involved in trying to do so.

  10. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by therationaledge View Post
    I choose who I consider my family.
    Same.

    The only family members I like, are individuals I'd choose to be acquainted with even if we didn't share genes. I find it irrational to be close to anyone because I'm "supposed to".

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