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[NT] NTs: How would you describe your ideal SO?

runvardh

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I think there are definitely odd people out there that would take it as a compliment that others find their SO attractive enough to flirt with them. Im a lot more primitive in my outlook. If youre with me, youre with me. If you dont want to be with me, then dont be with me. Anything tending towards infidelity smacks of cowardice.

Mine would just make comments about guys who are flirting with her; insist she's not interested, but also watch for the vein in my head to pop. She would also act like it wasn't bothering her so I told her that if it becomes a problem I'd look after it. "Well I don't want you to get angry" she'd say, and I wouldn't be, till she started pushing that I shouldn't get jealous, while looking like she was expecting me to. She'd eventually get an accusing tone about it and that's when I'd start getting angry, and I'd end up imploding my emotions. I got cold. She broke up with me after that saying I don't care enough about her.
 

violet_crown

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Mine would just make comments about guys who are flirting with her; insist she's not interested, but also watch for the vein in my head to pop. She would also act like it wasn't bothering her so I told her that if it becomes a problem I'd look after it. "Well I don't want you to get angry" she'd say, and I wouldn't be, till she started pushing that I shouldn't get jealous, while looking like she was expecting me to. She'd eventually get an accusing tone about it and that's when I'd start getting angry, and I'd end up imploding my emotions. I got cold. She broke up with me after that saying I don't care enough about her.

Wow sounds like you had a insecure bitch problem on your hands there, Mr. Kitty, and youre without question better off without her. People dont usually play the fishing for affection thing with me, because Ill initially take whatever comment they make initially at face value (ie, Guy: "Some girl was hitting on me at the bar, but it didnt mean anything." Me: "Sounds good. Thanks for sharing) and if they persist Ill just call them on it.

My worst relationship experience, the guy used it as a dominance thing. Like, he'd do things that bordered on cheating in a way Id find out about it to show he could do whatever he wanted even if we were together. And he was able to fall on the "look but can't touch" rule to make me feel hysterical for calling him out on it. Royally fucked up my judgement and only went that far because I was already too messed up, in love with him and inexperienced to really do something about it. It was devastating though and Ill never tolerate that sort of behavior again. You get trampled a couple of times and learn I guess. :shrugs:


Btw, this girl wasnt that star-crossed romance with the NT youve mentioned before was it?
 

runvardh

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Wow sounds like you had a insecure bitch problem on your hands there, Mr. Kitty, and youre without question better off without her. People dont usually play the fishing for affection thing with me, because Ill initially take whatever comment they make initially at face value (ie, Guy: "Some girl was hitting on me at the bar, but it didnt mean anything." Me: "Sounds good. Thanks for sharing) and if they persist Ill just call them on it.

My worst relationship experience, the guy used it as a dominance thing. Like, he'd do things that bordered on cheating in a way Id find out about it to show he could do whatever he wanted even if we were together. And he was able to fall on the "look but can't touch" rule to make me feel hysterical for calling him out on it. Royally fucked up my judgement and only went that far because I was already too messed up, in love with him and inexperienced to really do something about it. It was devastating though and Ill never tolerate that sort of behavior again. You get trampled a couple of times and learn I guess. :shrugs:


Btw, this girl wasnt that star-crossed romance with the NT youve mentioned before was it?

Eh, I was lucky that I was already immune to Fi manipulation after dealing with my mother growing up. The NT I dated never played games with me, she was just careful and slow, then Fe-sploded on me with affection.
 

Kra

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This would be a good way to get yourself shot. Out of a cannon. Into the sun.

I definitely agree with you there. If there's one thing that makes me turn cold to the woman I'm dating, it's the whole manipulation via jealousy thing. It's like an "Iceman" button.

Of course, it took several bad experiences to develop that attitude. I just view jealousy as a completely useless and self-destructive emotion, so I don't take kindly when someone tries to cultivate it.
 

violet_crown

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Of course, it took several bad experiences to develop that attitude. I just view jealousy as a completely useless and self-destructive emotion, so I don't take kindly when someone tries to cultivate it.

I dont mind jealousy in and of itself. I think a little jealousy is flattering. Like you said, its the game-playing that will make things ugly.
 
L

Lasting_Pain

Guest
What Does Lasting Pain Require In A SO

From essential to the non essential.

+ Good relationship with their parents
+ Must be a woman
+ Not Be Married
+ Not be in a Relationship
+ Must come from a background of stable relationships.
+ Must be sexy in her own unique way.
+ Does not have to be smarter than me but is willing to learn.
+ Must have the emotional capacity of a rubber band.
+ Kinky with a K
+ Must be independent
+ Must need me and want me. Not at the same time however.
+ No smoking at all.
+ Preferably not a drinker, but a light drinker is okay.
+ Loves music. Any kind is cool but I would prefer if she liked something different from me, that way we can argue when we are in the car.
+ Tastes for different food. I like to cook so please be ready to explore.
+ Accountability and responsibility. I somewhat lack these qualities so I need a woman to have a lot of this.
+ I need a woman who will be able to play with my buttons. Being an INTP, my buttons are rarely pushed, and if they are then the person does not know it. I want a woman who can press my buttons and be fully aware of doing so.
+ A woman who is innocent yet aggressive.
+ Someone who is not afraid of telling me to to exit my head. Sometimes I can get too absorbed in my world and I need someone to snap me out of it.
+ Finally I need someone to love me for being me.

Negatives

- Smokes on regular basis
- Drinks on a regular basis
- Bad Breath, and I am not talking about morning breath either.
- Lazy
- Close Minded
- Overly Religious (Bible-Humpers I am looking at you)
- Extremely Ideological (I do not align with any party. She can be part of one just can't be overly dedicated to it. Makes for some messy arguments.)
- Jealously Issues
- Clingy
- Must go her way kinda person.


That is basically it. I could go into superficial details, but I doubt anyone wants see them.
 

ring the bell

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Jun 10, 2008
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I figured I'd throw mine in here. Haven't had a SO in a while.. though I'm about overdue for one! lol

I don't put too many constraints on must have's or must not have's. I feel like when it's right, it's right. I wonder if that's part of the problem, sometimes, though. Anyway, here goes.

-Openminded

-Able and willing to set me at ease- This is important.. I'm not at ease early on in a relationship. I need to know that he gets that and is willing to stick around through that intial tough patch, where I'm getting my bearings.

-Loving and caring- I need to feel like I'm special. Until I'm comfortable enough with a guy, I can't act on all the little sweet things going on in my head. If he can be proactive enough to do so first and keep it up, I can dish it right back.

-Manly- I can't have a guy who is more feminine than I am. It's cool and all to be in touch with your feelings, but nothing is sexier than a man with his shirt off, covered in sweat, fixing something.. grrr...

-Assertive- He's gotta be able to speak up, say what he's thinking and help me along the way to saying what I think out loud. That's not such an easy thing, sometimes.

-Intelligent- He doesn't have to be smarter than me, but he has to be able to keep up.

-Depth- This is so incredibly important. I can't stress it enough. If there is no depth there regularly, I will wither away.

-Protective- I need a guy who makes me feel safe and warm. I've spent so much time in my life looking out for myself. I need to feel like I can let loose and really depend on him. He has to be willing to wrap me up in his arms, tell me everything is going to be okay, and then want to make sure that happens.

-Love me for my faults- I'm the first to admit that I'm not perfect. I would like to be with someone who loves me despite of those things...

-Patience- As stated above, I can be a handful. I guess I just need him to be willing to stick it out with me until i can get to that good place where I'm completely comfortable. If I'm not in that place, it's a roller coaster ride. he's just got to be willing to ride it with me.

-Sex- This is a big one. We have to be sexually compatable. I don't think that's shallow at all. I find sexuality to be so incredibly important. It's how I let loose and express myself. I'm not talking about that nice, easy vanilla lovin. I'm talking about toe curling, headboard banging lusty love. He's gotta be able to give it to me on that extra intense level that I naturally connect on.
 

Thessaly

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Are there any NTs who are into intensely emotional partners? You guys are seriously bumming me out lol
 

Wonkavision

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Are there any NTs who are into intensely emotional partners? You guys are seriously bumming me out lol

Yes.

I'm intensely emotional, and all NTs are in love with me.


Too bad, though. I'm completely unavailable. :smoke:
 
L

Lasting_Pain

Guest
Are there any NTs who are into intensely emotional partners? You guys are seriously bumming me out lol

In short bursts maybe. But a constant barrage of emotional arrows is not my cup of coffee. (Damn The Metaphors!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
 

violet_crown

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Are there any NTs who are into intensely emotional partners? You guys are seriously bumming me out lol

Depth in a partner is good. Constant drama and hysterics, not so much.
 

Kasper

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Are there any NTs who are into intensely emotional partners? You guys are seriously bumming me out lol

What Costrin said, it really depends on what kind of intense emotions you're talking about. Needy isn't attractive at all, smothering makes me want to smother them with a pillow and emotionally reactive keeps me on edge and is something I struggle to respect in a partner.

Someone who has emotional depth but takes responsibility for their own emotional state is great. Passion is very, very attractive to me and deeply caring for others is something I admire.

There are many different things you could mean by intensely emotional, so long as they don't attempt to hold me responsible for their emotions I'm cool with however they come.
 

The_Liquid_Laser

Glowy Goopy Goodness
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Are there any NTs who are into intensely emotional partners? You guys are seriously bumming me out lol

My wife is very astute when it comes to people's emotions, and this is something I appreciate because I am not.
 

Kra

Black Magic Buzzard
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Are there any NTs who are into intensely emotional partners? You guys are seriously bumming me out lol

As long as the highs balance the lows I'd be fine with an emotional partner. It's when there's drama for the sake of drama that you will lose most NT's interest.
 
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As long as the highs balance the lows I'd be fine with an emotional partner. It's when there's drama for the sake of drama that you will lose most NT's interest.

I do not like drama in my personal relationships. If you're gonna throw a fit and start talking nonsense every time you get emotional about something, you can just forget about it. Intensity I like, and emotions when appropriate are good, but please, save the drama for your mama.
 

runvardh

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Looks like an NT will take less shit from my mother as I will. That's encouraging... ^_^
 
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