[NT] NTs: How would you describe your ideal SO?

[violet_crown]

No points for originality, but the ENTP thread was interesting and I wanted to see how other NTs responded. So what qualities would your ideal mate have? Feel free to add what your ideal mate would NOT be like as well.

 

[Kangirl]

I'll play! (and I'll assume this is NOT about physical characteristics)

positives:

- not a fucking baby
- dry and extremely well developed sense of humour, about self and others
- must love dogs (not loving dogs is a dealbreaker)
- has 'rockness' - the ability to be a rock, even as those around him (possibly including me) fall to pieces
- emotional intelligence
- strength of character
- masculine in the good, real way, not the bullshit rooster way

negatives:

- 70's style feminism (i.e. wants me to go out and earn an equal wage and, if we have children, continue to work outside the home)
- no ability to laugh at himself
- wants me to be his mommy. I can do this SOME of the time, but this cannot be the overwhelming vibe of the relationship (and I'm not of the belief that many of the men who want 'mommies' are aware of it)
- emotionally weak and/or manipulative
- immaturity, on any level

 

[jenocyde]

I like people who keep trying.

Of course, good humor and sharp wit are always factored in, as well.

 

[Kangirl]

Ah, Jenocyde, always making me look bad. See, what you posted is 100% true. 1000% true. He's *got* to be able to DEAL WITH STUFF and not run away/hide. A man without the ability to face up to shit and deal with it loses my respect faster than...well...really fast!

(If that's what you meant, Jeno. )

 

[jenocyde]

Ah, Jenocyde, always making me look bad. See, what you posted is 100% true. 1000% true. He's *got* to be able to DEAL WITH STUFF and not run away/hide. A man without the ability to face up to shit and deal with it loses my respect faster than...well...really fast!

(If that's what you meant, Jeno. )

Yes, that's what I meant!!!

But darling, you could never look bad...

 

[violet_crown]

I'll play! (and I'll assume this is NOT about physical characteristics)

Yay! And I'd prefer if it were a little deeper than "I like boobies, huge ones.", but if thats how the person feels than whatev.

negatives:

- 70's style feminism (i.e. wants me to go out and earn an equal wage and, if we have children, continue to work outside the home)
- no ability to laugh at himself
- wants me to be his mommy. I can do this SOME of the time, but this cannot be the overwhelming vibe of the relationship (and I'm not of the belief that many of the men who want 'mommies' are aware of it)
- emotionally weak and/or manipulative
- immaturity, on any level

A guy that has his own separate thing is critical. Excessive "we-ness" would result in the death of the other party. Control freaks are also out. As are people who are a little too fixated on rules. The positives you list describe the guy that I should find attractive, but lack the good sense to.

I think more than anything I want someone I can hang out with. Just as content chillin on the couch as going out. Hes gotta be at least as smart as I am, but preferably knowledgeable in things I know nothing about--I dig someone I can learn from. Id love someone I could have random (possibly life-threatening) adventures with, so fearless and imaginative as well. Most importantly though, the guy has to be passionate about something. I dont care if its his coin collection, there should be some subject or idea that makes his heart beat. Physical is kinda whatever, but I prefer much taller guys and at 5'2 thats not much of a hurdle hehe.

Oh! He should be at least as weird as I am or hes not going to make it.

Disco dancin' Shiva edit: What are yalls thoughts on the whole mind mate thing?

 

[Kangirl]

Yes, agreed with 'passionate about something' - that is so, so true. A man who has a passion is very attractive to me.

Also agreed on intelligence. Ideally anyone I am with is as smart or smarter than me.

EDIT: Mind mate? Explain pls...?

 

[Galusha]

Indulgent. At this point in my life all I can say is that I'd like someone who lets me know when I'm being a real idiot, without controlling me.

Intelligence is not as important as insightfulness-- though the two are incredibly high up on the list.

Oh, and incredibly important: DID NOT go to an all-boys school, either as a child or in college. I have my reasons.

And able to appreciate my occasional manipulative tendencies as well-executed. Or give me pointers for next time.

...I'll probably think of more later. So much for one quality.

 

[runvardh]

Wow, looks like a few of the ENT girls were really looking for a reason to talk about this.

 

[EffEmDoubleyou]

- Smart (but doesn't have to be a genius.)
- Has a sense of humor and can be silly (but doesn't have to be a comedian.)
- Isn't overly girly (i.e., can get dirty, doesn't worry about chipping nails or mussing hair.)
- Doesn't have to look like a fashion plate to leave the house for a quart of milk.
- Can enjoy time spent time together while each doing our own thing.
- Isn't jaded.
- Doesn't have a lot of enemies or people she doesn't get along with.
- Gives me space for my own things she may not share my enthusiasm for.
- Enjoys and has a healthy attitude about sex.
- Is kind to others even when she doesn't have to be.
- Shares my basic values
- Doesn't want kids
- Thinks I'm fantastic

 

[violet_crown]

EDIT: Mind mate? Explain pls...?

Dont wanna butcher it for you so:

Different temperaments are looking for different things in relationships. Guardians want a loving partnership where they work along side each other and face life's trials together with fortitude. Artisans want a playmate, someone with whom they can share the joy of the sweet buffet of life. Rationals want a mind mate, someone who can listen to their ideas intelligently and have ideas of their own to debate. Idealists want a soul mate, someone with whom they can share their deepest desires, dreams, and fears and who will share back.

More description here and thread on it from a couple of months ago.

Oh, and incredibly important: DID NOT go to an all-boys school, either as a child or in college. I have my reasons.

I'm really curious about this. I've always thought all boys school guys were fun, but there is definitely a type. I probably have more prejudice towards the east coast elite boarding school kids, but thats just cause they tend to be dysfunctional drug-abusing snobs.

 

[Galusha]

I'm really curious about this. I've always thought all boys school guys were fun, but there is definitely a type. I probably have more prejudice towards the east coast elite boarding school kids, but thats just cause they tend to be dysfunctional drug-abusing snobs.

They just tend to treat women as a lower species. And for the reasons you gave. They usually show affection by taking care of you. Disgusting.

Other reasons, too, but those are the main ones.

 

[violet_crown]

Wow, looks like a few of the ENT girls were really looking for a reason to talk about this.

Came up at the last meeting before discussion of hostile takeover schedule for August. Cant go into anymore detail.

 

[runvardh]

Came up at the last meeting before discussion of hostile takeover schedule for August. Cant go into anymore detail.

Hmmm, should I be hoping for a kind mistress or is it going to be luck of the draw?

 

[Antimony]

Intelligent
Confident
Strong willed
Self sufficient- not needy. At all. Ever.
Insightful
Attractive
Witty
Knowledgeable about everything
Has a variety of interests
Likes to get out and try new things, constantly
Doesn't like country/screamo/other forms of music I dislike
Can not only listen to what I have to say, but add on to it an intellectual way.

 

[Totenkindly]

Smart
Witty
Fun
Open
Imaginative
Speculative thinker / Curious / Exploratory
Well-rounded
Not completely an emotional idiot (no difficulties in discussing psycho/relational growth as much as quantum or science topics; and not afraid to discuss/show feelings... just no whiny baby crap)
Not completely a social recluse
Not afraid to initiate / try things
Seems interested in / delights in me

 

[poppy]

Disco dancin' Shiva edit: What are yalls thoughts on the whole mind mate thing?

-Loves to discuss abstract concepts
-Loves to discuss concrete concepts
-Argumentative (read: has a backbone. Actually, no, I just like argumentative guys.)
-Arrogant (read: confident)
-Wickedly intelligent
-Has a job or is at least employable
-Is willing to put up with my need to take things slow, emotionally. Really slow.
-Enjoys a fulfilling activity or hobby outside the house.
-Smells really good (it's important to me...)

I'm sure I have all kinds of standards that aren't even conscious, but these are the ones I have in mind at this point in my life. I think if I was looking for someone to spend the rest of my life with, they would also be responsible, able to teach me things I don't know about, in touch with their emotions, etc.

 

[violet_crown]

Hmmm, should I be hoping for a kind mistress or is it going to be luck of the draw?

A real sadist would make you pick.

 

[runvardh]

I wonder how you girls test backbone? How do you tell the difference between choice and weakness?

 

[runvardh]

A real sadist would make you pick.

With or with out the ability to research first?