• You are currently viewing our forum as a guest, which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community, you will have access to additional post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), view blogs, respond to polls, upload content, and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free, so please join our community today! Just click here to register. You should turn your Ad Blocker off for this site or certain features may not work properly. If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact us by clicking here.

[INTJ] INTJs- How successful have you been at love?

IZthe411

Carerra Lu
Joined
Jul 19, 2009
Messages
2,585
MBTI Type
INTJ
I ask this because I have 2 close INTJ friends, and they are still single, though one just hit 30 and the other is close. They have had relationships, but not have settled down yet, in fact, the younger of the 2 seems to meet a different girl every week, but can't keep it going.

I'm not saying that 30 is some magic number. I'm not married myself. :D


I just wonder how their approach to life and relationships impacts their relationships.

Any thoughts are appreciated.
 

Kra

Black Magic Buzzard
Joined
Jun 24, 2009
Messages
912
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
4w5
Well, I consider it a work in progress.

I approach most aspects of my life with the mindset of a strategist these days. I'm highly unlikely to settle for someone that doesn't fit my image of a matching partner. The prospect of living the life of a bachelor is no longer a negative one for me, though it is not the preferred outcome. After all, I thoroughly believe that when you are purely content with just yourself, you are capable of truly loving another.

Note: I will admit it took me years of "doing it wrong" to finally make valid progress towards this mentality. It is another work-in-progress I suppose.
 

Oom

Your time is gonna come.
Joined
Mar 29, 2009
Messages
510
MBTI Type
IsfP
Enneagram
5w4
I'd think that many of the more introverted INTX types might be perfectly happy being alone. They seem to be the most comfortable being alone and it wouldn't surprise me if one of them only took a partner because of very common interests and the availability of time away from them. Maybe more of a business like relationship would occur in older INTs getting into dating?
 

ed111

New member
Joined
Sep 9, 2008
Messages
426
MBTI Type
INTJ
I've only recently settled down ( sorry ladies :) ), and apart from one close call have either been single or with women that I knew I could never stay with.

I was really happy living on my own. It was the most productive period of my life, and I felt more relaxed and at peace than I had for a long time. I could watch what I wanted, go where I wanted (although this was only theoretical), and spend time on intellectual pursuits (every night and all weekend most times).

Being introverted, I've missed out on more than one opportunity, and I'm also quite selective about who I spend my time with. I dated a lot of women, and there were hardly any that I would have seriously considered for long term relationships. When I was younger I couldn't abide women smarter than myself. I remember dating a girl that was really cute and feeling embarassed introducing her to my friends because although she was really nice, she was a bit dumb. In fact one of my female friends at the time questioned whether she was my type. As I became more mature, I realised that I could only be happy with a woman that was at least my equal (which my INTJ girlfriend certainly is).

The things that I prize highly now are intelligence, family values, academic excellence and to some extent wealth.
 
Joined
Jun 6, 2007
Messages
7,312
MBTI Type
INTJ
I had a very satisfying, loving 5-year relationship that could easily have become a marriage. Other than that, never more than a month or two. What this tells me is that I can be happy alone but that the right relationship can make me happier. So I'm not going to compromise, but I welcome the right one. I just hope she understands that I work slow :)

Great relationship > Being alone > Ehh relationship
 

SubjectA

New member
Joined
Jul 17, 2009
Messages
164
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
1
INTJs are content being alone, but whether many choose to admit it or not, we do need people. The right relationship lets us thrive quite well. We're just insanely picky about relationships, for the most part. INTJ's typically don't start dating until late high school or in college, if even then. I guess it's because we intimidate those who haven't fully matured yet. But we don't absolutely NEED to be in a relationship to be perfectly happy. In fact, a lot of INTJs are better off not being in a relationship at all. And we'd much rather be alone than be in a mediocre relationship.

I didn't start dating until senior year of high school. I have had two real boyfriends, the shortest relationship being a year and nine months. I've can honestly count the number of people I dated on one hand. My standards are very high and few people meet them.

Same could be said with friends about me. I don't have very many friends because I'm extremely choosy about who I make any sort of emotional investment in.

But at the moment, I'd say my love life is close to perfect. I'm in a very stable and happy relationship right now which I'm more than willing to spend the rest of my life in.
 

Usehername

On a mission
Joined
May 30, 2007
Messages
3,794
We're just really picky. The healthy ones of us have the ability to be excellent partners.
 

Oaky

Travelling mind
Joined
Jan 15, 2009
Messages
6,180
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
5w6
Instinctual Variant
sp/so
How successful is my love life? Crap. Barely any girl meets my expectations and if they do it's hard to pick them out from the general crowd. To me, most girls seem like airheads who only care about pop culture. Screw that. Many girls also seem very good at their studies and get high marks but where the hell's the intelligence? They just know how to study well and fantasize. Knowledge and intelligence are very different. Apologies to actual intelligent girls who feel offended by my comments. You are just the exception out of the general handful I talk about. Im in university and I haven't started dating yet. I am quite picky and haven't yet found the proper girl to suit me.
 

Virtual ghost

Complex paradigm
Joined
Jun 6, 2008
Messages
19,764
I the case I say successful or unsuccessful as an answer that would mean that I have actually tryed something. I am in my mid 20s and I still haven't experianced my first crush or kiss.

But recently I have decided to give this a shot. (if nothing just to see what will happen)
 

jenocyde

half mystic, half skeksis
Joined
Jan 2, 2009
Messages
6,387
MBTI Type
ENTP
Enneagram
7w8
You guys are all so adorable!! I love the way INTJs think.

I'm almost always single because I find the confines of a traditional relationship hard to come to terms with. I also don't mind moving slowly as long as it's clear that it's moving toward something at some point. I hate guessing. I'm impatient at first, but slow and easy actually works best for me in the long run, because I scare easily. One slight setback, and I just walk away as gracefully as possible because I believe other people are like me - definitive when they make decisions.

That being said, I don't mind imperfection and in fact, I love them. Funny how different we all are, but it seems that NTs in general tend to take longer to "settle" and do so after an extended period of time. I haven't been in a serious relationship (read: considering marriage) in over a decade and I am completely fine with that.
 

Misty_Mountain_Rose

New member
Joined
Jul 21, 2008
Messages
1,123
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
4w5
Well, I consider it a work in progress.

I approach most aspects of my life with the mindset of a strategist these days. I'm highly unlikely to settle for someone that doesn't fit my image of a matching partner. The prospect of living the life of a bachelor is no longer a negative one for me, though it is not the preferred outcome. After all, I thoroughly believe that when you are purely content with just yourself, you are capable of truly loving another.

Note: I will admit it took me years of "doing it wrong" to finally make valid progress towards this mentality. It is another work-in-progress I suppose.

Ok I don't have to go any further in reading the thread (I will of course after this) before posting. This is exactly what I'd have responded myself. After the joke response of 'Not' I mean.

"How successful have you been at love? - Not"
 

Amargith

Hotel California
Joined
Nov 5, 2008
Messages
14,717
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
4dw
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
*windowshops* :popc1:
 

01011010

New member
Joined
Jun 22, 2008
Messages
3,916
MBTI Type
INxJ
99% of the human population will probably say they failed at love.
 

Kangirl

I'm a star.
Joined
Dec 27, 2008
Messages
1,470
MBTI Type
ENTJ
INTJs? Success in love?

BAHH HA HA HAAAA AHH HA HAHAHAHAAA!!!

(calm down, I be kidding. mostly.)
 

Amargith

Hotel California
Joined
Nov 5, 2008
Messages
14,717
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
4dw
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
Kant, honey, this is what enfps exist for ;)
 

Kangirl

I'm a star.
Joined
Dec 27, 2008
Messages
1,470
MBTI Type
ENTJ
Good luck to ya, Amar! :D

(ps. you just called me 'honey' again)
 

Amargith

Hotel California
Joined
Nov 5, 2008
Messages
14,717
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
4dw
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
Oh come on, they're too cute to pass up :D
You have a problem with me honeying you? ;)
 

poppy

triple nerd score
Joined
May 30, 2009
Messages
2,215
MBTI Type
intj
Enneagram
5
I the case I say successful or unsuccessful as an answer that would mean that I have actually tryed something. I am in my mid 20s and I still haven't experianced my first crush or kiss.

But recently I have decided to give this a shot. (if nothing just to see what will happen)

Good luck! Report back to us on how it goes :)

99% of the human population will probably say they failed at love.

Yep.

Personally I've tried the traditional dating thing and realized that it really isn't going to work for me. I end up with some poor bloke telling me that he loves me, and I'm like :huh: "I've only known you for like 2 months. Easy there." I'm young, and like most of the other INTJs who've posted I'm willing to wait til I meet someone who's worth the time. I figured that much out, so maybe I'm very successful! :p
 
Top